Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Bugger. Dancing.

Aruba mailed me and said she wants to go out dancing with me when I'm back. And she wants to hear me sing.

Now I know I pass myself off on here as a suave playboyish type, but to be honest, I'm not a fan of dancing. I can do it, vaguely. I sometimes enjoy it, but for me it's something I have a couple of drinks for, the music has to be fantastic, something a bit techno, trancy, big beat or something (I really hate salsa/samba/etc) I listen for a while until I get into the mood and then I get my groove on. I don't generally dance 'with' another person, I just happen to be in the same place as them. It's a personal thing, surrounded by strangers and often some people I know.

So. I know women often are more into dancing than men, and the ability for a man to dance is for some reason important to many. I don't understand why. It's like me judging a woman on her ability to do a decent stand-up routine.

well Me and mr workaholic were texting on friday, I havnt heard from him since, so text him last night, still havnt heard back yet.

Is he being serious??

If you panic about dancing drink some wine

Men who are only after sex arnt that elusive they fixate on sex

bigstrong - on the 'is a man only after sex' question: I think there are several types of men.
Some are just after sex, and will be open and honest about it.
Some will be charming and make out they're after a relationship and actually only be after sex, so they'll just disappear after DTD.

The majority, I think, actually do want a relationship, but once they DTD they will start second guessing and wondering if the woman is actually enough, should they go back and find someone else. It can almost flip a switch if the emotional connection isn't there yet, and make them less interested. So for these guys (and I include myself in this if I'm being honest) - getting the emotional connection there first is the important thing. That's why the 3 date rule is understandable. It's not so much a madonna/whore complex as the fact that they like you enough that they want to spend time with you even if you're not both naked.

That's a huge generalisation of course but it would explain a lot of things.

Hamwidgeandcheps Men who are only after sex arnt that elusive ...

What about the sneaky ones? NB - I am not an expert, never ever had a one night stand - I once tried to talk to a mate and notorious philanderer about it - and he said "think about it this way - we've probably had about the same amount of action over the last five years - only yours has all been with one woman and mine hasn't" I dunno how he did it (apart from being stunning looking (apparently) of course.

Sent monosyllabic woman on POF a message saying I was hoping for someone with a bit more to say for herself (eek does that sound mean?)

Off to fill the room with ZZZs

Kin noooo. The only acceptable version of that is as a bracelet and that gets negated anyway by sitting in a hot tub. I'm not surprised you felt queasy.

Django it's 3 sleeps. It's going to have been a week and I already miss him lots so he won't know what's hit him.

moving - not replying to a text after 4 days sounds like a brush off to be honest

Err...I think I just had a guy I met on POF pop in for a chat and to give me a birthday kiss.

That was interesting. Still trying to work out if that actually happened!

Bant I like a man who can dance. It makes me think I can tell what he'll be like in bed although it's not actually true. It also enables me to flirt, look him in the eyes, smile and show him everything could be possible whilst wearing my innocent face. If it's dancing with a man who can really dance, the pleasure of that discovery is enormous and he can take my clothes of there and then.

Now if you equate being able to dance with a good stand up routine, that is where it could be going wrong

I feel your pain Juliette Mr R&R is away for two weeks I miss him.

I love dancing

Juliette - as I said, I'm not unable to dance, I just don't like being asked to show off my skills on the dance floor. Feels like there will be a panel giving me marks out of 6.

Ah maybe I'm just making up reasons to be annoyed with Aruba.

Bant maybe she just wants to dance with you rather than see you dance .. Although the singing thing is a it odd, any chance it could have sounded more of a request because it's in writing and you already feel slightly meh?

Bant - I only text him last night.

The last time we were texting before that was Friday and he sent the last text that time.

He never actually brushes me off. I think he manages my expectations by not being that available, so that I don't expect him to be there all the time. But then if I was to say right your treating me like rubbish again he would come on strong again

Typical mr unavailable behaviour as described in the book with the same title! I really need to finish this book and this unavailable relationship!

No. This is just silly. The dancing I'm meh about. The wanting to hear me sing, that's just a lack of social empathy on her part about not making people feel like she wants to judge them.

But her last email was a two parter. She has 'something special' to show me when I get back. This could be anything. Lingerie, her 007 identity card, a video of her dog eating strawberries.

and the second part was a craig david video.

I have to break it off. I really do. I know I'm a music snob and I shouldn't be, but we have nothing in common musically, and she just keeps sending me links to shit songs which make me want to howl at the moon. And keeps on, and keeps on.

Got an unsolicited "apology text" from the European which must have crossed my fairly detailed apology e-mail Nothing too drastic, just a "sorry things got tetchy and all the best" kind of thing.

It's nice thinking "was a bit stressful, but we ended it gracefully and peacefully enough".

Despite annoying the hell out of each other we're all still fellow compassionate human beings (that said, looking at some of the pof profiles i do wonder.....)

It's the needing to hear you sing I find weird Bant, is singing more of a big deal in Hungary? I love dancing, but not romantically. My dancing style is early 90s pill head so it's reserved for mates only. Remembers next weekend will involve dancing with current squeeze. Panics.

Strong I think you cannot ask where things are after one date! It would be lovely if we were all open and liberated enough to be clear when we just wanted sex, but we're not, and many people men will feel the need to lie. I'm not against a ONS if that itch needs scratching and I've found those men/situations easy to spot target as there'll be momentum without substance, if that makes any sense?? What is the plan for the second date?

Moving do you think he is deliberately managing your expectations, or is he just a bit crap?

Dad this is why I think it's fine to ignore people on OD. Silence can be kinder than an explanation. I've gone silent and been gone silent on during pre-meeting chat, but never has there been an explanation and goodbye.

Morning all :)

Spangled tell us more! How did that come about? Were you pleased to see him?!

Wine at least there's a positive on the finance front!

Bant I like a man who can dance, but none of my LTRs have been able to so it's clearly not a deal-breaker. Singing though - that's one of my things, but have never been asked to perform a solo for someone.... None of this "lack of empathy"/shit taste in music is looking very good, is it? Would you not feel better if you just finished it now, before you return?

Moving ah so it was you who recommended that book? Thank you, it's excellent. And you'll know that if he's managing down your expectations, it doesn't matter whether it's intentional or not, you'll always be feeling like the passenger :(.

Lorna that's great that you both got some closure... Next! ;)

Juliette only two sleeps now for you.... 48 hope your fortnight flies in!

I had a bit more chat with the handsome postie last night - initiated by him :D - but all very general. Not as pacy as I'd like, then, but I have no patience and have to remember that I often appear quite full on because I am ... It's his turn to message again, so we'll see if there's anything today... If not I have a music festival at the weekend and will be on full alert for fresh talent (at least until I've drunk too many cocktails so about 2pm each day then ...)

Does bad spelling on an OD profile put you off? I know I shouldn't mind, but it does for me, and I can't get past it. My (not)favourites are independant and interlectual. Just read a profile with independent in it and thought "great" only to read "convosation" further down. I understand it can be typos, but wouldn't you want to check and double check on the profile - it's not the same as a quick text is it? (actually some are!)

Dad, how short is too short for a woman? Let me know as I might have to lie about my height.

I was chatting to shorty last night too but realistically I doubt I would get to the meeting stage. You sometimes just know. Had a local guy message me to tell me where I was going wrong, along the lines of 'it doesn't work like this sweetheart, you have to put a photo on, you could be a bloke' I sent a cutting answer and he asked for a photo. I nearly replied 'go swivel, sweetheart' but ignored him instead.

Some mates want to set me up with someone from their work. A guy I dated twice and liked is still on POF, thinking about giving him one last chance to meet me for a catch up. Then I realise it's the end of the road with LT and it's all getting me down.

Anyway, morning everyone :)

scrazy There's no limit really, but I am quite tall, that's all. I've had GFs from barely 5 foot to 6 foot tall over the years. I don't think there's anything big and clever about being tall BTW - a lot of the time it's just a nuisance. I guess I'm just thinking it would be nice to be closer to the same heights.

Dad, bad spelling really puts me off! Some mistakes are just auto-corrects (defiantly instead of definitely being one, which I will overlook. Sometimes), some are just because they're in a rush (you're right, they really should have checked!) and some people just can't spell.

Thing is, I know an inability to spell is not a sign of poor intelligence - but it hacks me off nevertheless!

POF is full of people who don't know when to use your or you're. And as for the apostrophe! wanders off for a look at Pedant's Corner, or is it Pendants Corner or even Pedants' Corner??

Morning Scrazy. What's the guy from your friends' work like, do you know him? POF guy sounds worth another look too - if only to try to replace thoughts about LT

Aargh Bant dancing! I would never dance with/in front of anyone I was trying to make a good impression on. I do sing a bit, kind of accidentally as I go along, rather than full-scale public performance although I do recall giving Alpha a verse and chorus of "Shine Up Your Buttons with Brasso" (why oh why?) a couple of weeks ago. Not my finest moment. Perhaps in Hungary it's a bit like the Irish thing where you all have a party piece song ready to perform at the drop of a hat. But it sounds like it might be better for you to call it a day if it's got to the Craig David stage.

Moving this sounds like a man giving you the crumbs off his table, to be honest. It's okay if you're happy with this type of relationship but it sounds like you want more, and that's not surprising.

Strong if you're not sure what his intentions are then just take things slowly until you're more certain. What type of innuendo is it? If it's a bit lighthearted and funny, then that could be alright but anything overtly sexual and persistent then I think it's a sign that sex is high on his agenda

Juliette not long to go hooray!

Dad on the spelling/grammar/punctuation thing, I used to get really irked by people making basic errors (and it still irritates me at some visceral level, can't overcome all those years of ingrained pedantry just like that), but then someone on here said that if you met someone in real life you'd have no idea about whether they were capable of the correct use of the apostrophe until months/years down the line, if ever. And being able to spell doesn't really correlate with intelligence which is the more important thing. Alpha's spelling is a bit haphazard and he has been known to lol at me and I've not chucked him but none of that matters, really, I just like hearing from him.

Django good luck with the postie and the music festival!

I don't know him, seen a photo though, hmm it doesn't grab me and I don't fancy being set up. Might message POF guy again, we've kept on each others radar, carn't remember when I met him, it must have been a couple of years ago.