I posted some weeks ago about DP's suspicious friendship, and even though we have talked about it (I've said I feel uncomfortable, children have noticed etc) it's still going on.
He has been attentive and loving, and when I asked if we were ok he looked me in the eye and said 'yes'. However, a few evenings ago about 11pm he took his phone into the loo. When he came out I challenged him - why on earth do you need to take your phone into the loo at 11 o'clock at night? to which he replied - I had it in my pocket on the way upstairs. Well he didn't - it had been on the bedside table. So I said - you;re not telling me the truth and I want you to think about why you're not telling the truth.
A couple of days later he took me aside and said he'd made a decision to step back from this woman, because I clearly thought that 'something' was going on. I felt so relieved.
But, having a gnawing feeling still, I did some checking on his mobile phone bill online ( about the only thing he's forgotten to change his password for) and he seems to have called her more often and for longer, since that conversation!
What do I do now? confront again and ask exactly HOW this is stepping back? or, as my sister says, back off, be sweetness and light and give him more time to end it.
I have been for an initial assessment at Relate to see of there's anything I can do about 'me' that will help the relationship, but I feel there's no point if his mind is elsewhere.
Help!
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Relationships
Update on EA
faulkernegger · 26/06/2013 13:53
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
fluffy - hello and thank you. I re-read that first thread through yesterday - it seems like forever ago.
Latest - The trumpet lesson yesterday should be the last one. He said he'd come straight back (and I had a time limit in mind if he didn't), and he rolled up as promised.
He has been super attentive, and with him actions speak louder than words, so I'm paying attention to that.
The Relate counsellor said now was a time to focus on what we wanted out of the relationship, and how we might achieve it, and I'm waiting for the next opportunity to start that process.
I've told him that I feel anxious when either of us is out of the house, and he has been at pains to tell me exactly where he's going and how long he'll be.
We're not out of the woods yet; It's been a long week since showdown, and I think I've been awake for every painful minute, so I'd like to thank you all for being there, and I'll keep you up- dated. 
for you all!
"Quick question = all of you who have been through this - did your OHs all beg for forgiveness, promise to put you first, did total NC, and was this before or after you threw them out?"
Yes. Apart from beg for forgiveness. He didn't dare! Wasn't the end of the trauma, just the beginning, but I was able to start the process. He is being vile and unreasonable. His pain is his problem. Yours is more important as HE caused it. I was very resistant to kicking H out but in your case maybe you need to. Sorry 
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