Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

I have boobs but no pout or wink - I still get smut

Velvet has boobs and is glam, glam, glam - she still gets smut

My dd is on POF - she is a early twenties and her pics reflect the fact she is a jeans and hoodie woman - and a couple of face painted ones from kids parties - she gets smut

The point is - no woman should be getting smut or treated badly - even if she is wearing the low cut top and winking - that isn't saying ' hey arseholes, use me and abuse me' 'shag me and run' 'treat me with no respect' - nothing justifies it -NOTHING

If a woman says I am here for fun, I want a shag with many, many men over the month - she still doesn't deserve to be treated badly or without respect - are we really having to say this in 2013?

Like it or not, women are judged sexually in society. They are also judged on what they wear, too little and they are sluts, too much they are frumpy. Work wear is a minefield of getting it just right to avoid inappropriate comments and not being taken seriously or appearing 'frumpy/unattractive' and not taken seriously. It's not right but that's how it works. So on a dating profile, the photos put up give the only visual image of how you are and viewers will form an impression.

Personally, any of the following pics will get a man dismissed on a profile. Holding a fish = stupid
sitting on a 'fanny wagon'* = sexist arse who thinks he is paying for it
torso shots unless they are on a beach or something = not Brad Pitt drunken photos with his mates = not my idea of a night out
comedy hat = stupid sense of humour

I could be wrong, but it's my reaction. On fb, it wouldn't make the same impression as most people are just throwing stuff up there, not advertising themselves by selecting photos which they think represent them.

I wouldn't wear a low cut top to work as I would want to be taken seriously and have the meeting listen to what I'm saying rather than stare at my cleavage. So with OD, if I put up a range of pictures of me doing the pout, wearing my bra and a thong** in the bathroom mirror (shudder), taken so high you could see the unflushed turn down the toilet pan I would expect a higher than average number of men assuming that I was up for 'fun' and possibly a photography lesson.

I'm entirely with Bant on this one. I also think it's offensive to imply what he said means he thinks along the lines that women deserve to be harassed or assaulted because of what they wear.

*yes, that phrase was used in a seminar by the lecturer, I was the only woman on the course
** I don't do thongs.

there is however a world of difference between posing in a low cut top and a thong in your bathroom and just wearing a normal top and being a woman.

I had lunch with my mother today, she is 56. She wore linen trousers, a vest top thingy from bloody sainsburys and a waterfall cardigan ( she cannot help it, its her age :) ) you could see her clevage. it was scoop neck. She wore a nice necklace.

By some of the posts on here today, you are saying this would indicate she was up for it, and people would and could make fair judgements againist her

Which is the biggest pile of wank i ever did hear.

and if we agree thats its not right, and its wrong, why are people peddaling the same shit to people?

its all a bit ' women, know your place'

Velvet said -I have long been told I look 'up for it' both in photos and RL. I think that says more about the men concerned than it does about me tbh, and it will be the same in your case. Men who are not misogynistic, sex-obsessed arses will take a less judgmental and more accurate view.

Bant said: Velvet - sorry to disagree. A woman gives a different impression depending on how she dresses and poses for a photo. Showing lots of cleavage or posing in underwear, pouting at the camera, gives an impression of being 'up for it' and will attract men who are looking for that.

----
Velvet hasn't got those pics - she is a sexy woman. This is where we are coming from. Those of us who receive the cock shots don't have those pictures either. If we are large of nork, we can't hide that fact and why the hell should we. Any man that thinks a woman is their to be abused because she has shown cleavage, pouted, blowing kisses or even being in their underwhere - is just wrong

ah, but msC,
where would we be without categories to put women into

' naice girls, who dont do sex' and ' sluts who are there for fucking and not much else, they deserve what they get'

fortunately it does say more about the person holding these views than it does the person they hold them about.

"wear"

Yes, I agree it's wrong on all counts, but if it kept happening, I would tone the poses down a little, depending on what I was looking for, of course.

but if there are no poses.

what if its just head and shoulders and that includes a tiny bit of boob? because sure as hell i cant hide mine and basically ANY picture of me, unless its just face and neck, includes giant boobs.

a scoop neck t shirt makes me look like im busting out over the top of it, i cannot help it, its just how my boobs are. It does not mean im up for it, or deserve thinking less of because of it.

Sigh. No one has said anyone who wears a low cut top is up for it.

I think it was referring to pout, wink and cleavage poses, rather than just a normal shot in a normal top, which of course, there is nothing wrong with.

My pics on pof are cropped to face and neck - I still get the same as Velvet does. I am not pouting, nor blowing a kiss and still get it

BUT even if you could see my boobs and cleavage and I was pouting and kissing - if my profile says I am looking for a relationship or long term - I am not up for 'it'

Juliette,

from bant :
Velvet - sorry to disagree. A woman gives a different impression depending on how she dresses and poses for a photo. Showing lots of cleavage or posing in underwear, pouting at the camera, gives an impression of being 'up for it' and will attract men who are looking for that.

also from bant:
if I see a profile photo of a woman with low cut cleavage, and another photo of the same woman without cleavage, then I will view the photos in a different way. They will give me different impressions of the woman.

oh, thought there were more than that.

""Showing lots of cleavage or posing in underwear, pouting at the camera, gives an impression of being 'up for it' and will attract men who are looking for that.""

Some of us have lots of cleavage - we can't hide it

Yes agreed, I can't speak for other people but I don't think anyone was saying if you have a normal photo of yourself and there is a bit cleavage in view that men will think you're up for it.

The weird thing is that reading over the posts we're all debating but mostly seem to agree on the main points - people judge on appearance. They shouldn't. But they do. Oh and that there are different cleavage categories . I don't have these issues unless I buy a very helpful bra

perhaps its just in your genes msC, to be a bit of a slut

:)

Oops slow to post - I was agreeing with Juliette and Scrazy...

because anyone with boobs must be.

Oh and I don't have a cleavage and I can't pout without looking ridiculous and I still get those sort of messages sometimes. Some men will just try with anyone. Probably a numbers game - if you proposition enough women, one will say yes in the end...

It must be, my chesticles are code for take me now, send me pics of your dick and use crude language :)

I am actually on the easy side but I take issue that I get unwarranted and unwanted attention I am asking for it

bollocks to that, when I actually ask for it - give it, up until that point - make no assumptions

Im booby. Ive run massive conferences, where people have flown in from around the world. My boobs were, as ever, busting out. I cant wear a shirt as i look all pamela anderson and its not pretty, so i just wore a normal top. still, lots of my boobs were there.
Not one person didnt take me seriously, not one person made patronizing comments and certainly not one person made any sexist remarks. Because they werent dickheads.

if somone had made any comments i expect the others in the room would have said something and marked them down as being some kind of sexist arse. Im a woman, i have boobs by my very nature. It does not mark me as being easy because of it.

slutmeansspeakup.org.uk/

have a look at the slutwalk as well people. Its a good message, and while its on the fringe of the ' boobs equals up for it' it is as velv says, only a step away.

apt

"I want to march because I want to be able to walk home at night without being afraid of rape. I want to march because I am fed up of being judged based on how I dress. I want to march because I have had three men force themselves upon me in some way or other and each time I left blaming myself. I want to march because I cannot leave the house without being harassed by several men. I want to march because I feel the need to protest to these strangers that I am a lesbian in the hope they will leave me alone (even though I am actually bisexual, I am just scared of them). I want to march because I have been followed down the street by the same men who insist I ?just need a good cock?. I want to march because my parents tell me that ?if [I] dress like a slut, then [I am] asking for it?. I want to march because I believe that I am the only one with the rights to my body. I want to march because I have many male friends who restore my faith in the male gender, but do not understand that I have to think about rape on a daily basis. I want to march against every man who thinks that grabbing girls on the street outside clubs is in any way acceptable. I want to march for the male victims who suffer in silence. I want to march for every single time I have been terrified of rape. I want to march because I am glad I have not had a worse experience than my current ones. I want to march in case one day I do."