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Original poster

Dating thread 56 all welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 15/06/2013 21:12

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop
OP posts:
Poogate · 17/06/2013 00:20

A very delayed 'thank you' to KinNora for replying to my question posted v early this morning; I've been out all day and have only now had a chance to see you reply. You're right, he has his chance and he blew it.

Next!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 17/06/2013 06:56

More texting all day yesterday. He said he likes spending time with me, and was very nice when I possibly overshared a little info about my DV-packed life with the ex after possibly overreacting to a comment he made... Blush

I like him a lot Smile

Flipper924 · 17/06/2013 07:50

Morning thread!

Thanks, Bant, that's useful feedback. I never know how to describe myself, but I'll have a think over the next few days.

Bant · 17/06/2013 08:29
  1. try and avoid photos taken on a mobile in the loo.
  2. don't include photos of your kids, no matter how beautiful they are
  3. while its fine to mention your children, don't do it in the first or second paragraph. They're not an afterthought but shouldn't appear to be the most important thing about you. You are the most important thing
  4. don't list too many dislikes, it comes across as negative. Likes are fine, it gives people a talking point to contact you with, but don't make them too obscure (e.g. the early works of Dostoevsky) as they may make you seem like you wouldn't bother responding to anyone without a phd in literature
  5. don't give too much specific info about where you work
  6. don't include photos of you with a mans arm draped around your shoulders, it's off putting
  7. no more than one picture of your horse
  8. photos of you in front of the pyramids or something aren't very useful if we can't see your face
  9. cut out cliches - work hard/play hard, wine/DVD, references to extreme sports- unless you do them all the time and they're hugely important to you. Reading the same thing in everyone's profile just makes the eyes glaze over
  10. starting with a joke or funny comment is always good.
  11. saying 'been hurt before' or 'looking for a man who won't cheat' will attract people who will cheat and hurt you, and gives the impression of trust issues
  12. avoid text speak and too many exclamation marks
  13. don't list too many required attributes in a man. Specifying he must have blue eyes, brown hair, work in finance, be 5'10 to 6'2 and must love hang gliding gives a strong impression you're pining for someone specific
  14. I can't think of another one, but 13 is unlucky
Snapespeare · 17/06/2013 09:47

And for men...(with a few later ones that are genderless)

  1. we don't necessarily want to see photographs of your torso or any slightly kinky sexual practices you may engage in. That's nice dear, put it away. Not on your profile and dear god not by personal message. Torsos are fine if you're in Africa building an orphanage.
  2. as per bant's #2(apb)
  3. apb. Also don't slate the mother of your children in your profile. You look bitter. Don't complain about child support. You look cheap.
  4. apb
  5. apb
  6. photos of you with other women, even if it's a family member accompanied with 'I love my mum!' aren't alluring.
  7. please do not post a picture of you having caught a large fish. It's a penis analogy.
  8. apb. But pictures of you engaged in humanitarian relief or with baby elephants that you personally rescued are quite alluring.
  9. apb. We all love snuggling up with a DVD after some rock climbing.
  10. apb
  11. see #3.
  12. grammar! Use it.
  13. don't lie about your age/height/weight/profession. You'll get found out. Photos should be within the last year or so.
  14. there's no such thing as luck.
  15. when initially contacting someone refrain from 'hi babez u luk sexy!' Show you've read their profile, ask a question (this goes for women as well, although I'm led to believe women initiate first contact less and tend not to go down the 'hey babez' route.
  16. if you're not prepared to travel, manage your expectations of a geographical search.
Bant · 17/06/2013 09:57

Nice one Snape - and to add to mine
15) if you are going to contact a man, put some effort in - a message saying 'hi' - and nothing else, while it'll be jumped on by men who don't generally receive first messages, doesn't give us much to talk about. The same goes as Snapes comment regarding reading the profile etc

akaWisey · 17/06/2013 10:01

juliette Kent as in peasants and hops 'n stuff Grin but get this - he messaged me and said actually its only 79 miles from me to you.

Am I right in thinking he's thinking it could be a go-er?

akaWisey · 17/06/2013 10:01

Thanks bant am reading and sniggering digesting now.

Bant · 17/06/2013 10:16

snape - is it acceptable for a man to have a naked-torso photo where he's showing the baby fish he just rescued?

OhWesternWind · 17/06/2013 10:31

Wisey 79 miles would be too far for me, but I suppose if a lot of it's motorway or fast roads then it's only an hour or so. It's just easier if someone is nearby for so many reasons. It sounds like he thinks it's okay though . . .

Snapespeare · 17/06/2013 10:48

bant only if it's a tiddler... Shock Wink
i wonder if theres a female equivilent of torso- shots? i ceratainly believe in the power of the 'slightly above eye-line' shot to disguise ones jowls, but the by-product of that seems to be acres of clevage. i think the answer might be a tripod (oo-er!) & camera timer. or a polo neck. or creative-cropping...

i think theres a lot to be said for also adding a full-length pic. i know all the tricks, me & if you have teeth, show them (i certainly learned my lesson there...

pornstarmartini · 17/06/2013 11:02

Oh dear. It's a dull OD dating day. Not one person that is floating my boat. I am way too fussy. Hope everyone else is having better luck

TortillasAndChocolate · 17/06/2013 11:06

I gave up last night - I have the opposite of sweet shop syndrome I think. The more profiles I see, the more bored and disheartened I become!

pornstarmartini · 17/06/2013 11:10

I agree Tortillas. A couple that I like the look of but no mention of a date. I've hinted.

Bant · 17/06/2013 11:20

Oh yes, there is the female equivalent of torso-shots. Lots of cleavage, on display, with the blowing-a-kiss-to-the-camera usually happening at the same time.

Puts me off, personally, but will attract chancers looking to shag and run. Fine, if you're looking for NSA fun, but if not then drop the photo.

Similarly, posing in a basque or something. If you advertise in that way, you're going to get people who are primarily looking for sex.

It's generally better to have two decent photos than two decent and one indecent, depending, of course, on what you're after.

pornstarmartini · 17/06/2013 11:21

I think my photos look like I just want casual sex. I have that look about me but far from the truth!

Bant · 17/06/2013 11:32

martini - no they don't. They're good pictures, as I said. Apart from the full length one in the mirror, where you have what looks like loo-roll on the floor behind you :)

Seriously, they're good pictures. And a good profile. No matter how innocent the photos you'll always get chancers, but they don't give a bad impression of you at all.

pornstarmartini · 17/06/2013 11:39

Thanks bant I've deleted the dodgy toilet shot.

TortillasAndChocolate · 17/06/2013 11:53

Haha Martini now I want to see your profile - but preferably with the toilet roll shot still there Grin

velvetspoon · 17/06/2013 12:18

wisey I'm impressed he's considering 79 miles, I am in the London-y bit of Kent and could never even get anyone to cross the Dartford Bridge for me (not a euphemism!) It can be no coincidence the only one I got anywhere with lives within walking distance of my house. Which given the dumping by silence is of course a bit unfortunate...

martini I have long been told I look 'up for it' both in photos and RL. I think that says more about the men concerned than it does about me tbh, and it will be the same in your case. Men who are not misogynistic, sex-obsessed arses will take a less judgmental and more accurate view.

TortillasAndChocolate · 17/06/2013 12:20

Ok tonight I'm on a mission to send a few messages. Although generally I don't get replies from the ones I like when I have sent first messages.

It's a tough balance between sending well thought out messages, and not wanting to spend too long constructing them in case they don't reply.

OhWesternWind · 17/06/2013 12:46

Exactly Tortillas, I've had a very low success rate with ones I've messaged first. But the ones that did reply included LM and Alpha Scot and I did the "Want to meet" thing with Indie which prompted him to message me, so that's three out of four of the ones I've seen more than once (or am planning to). I wouldn't write too much at all though, just a couple of sentences to see if they bother replying.

Bant · 17/06/2013 12:55

Velvet - sorry to disagree. A woman gives a different impression depending on how she dresses and poses for a photo. Showing lots of cleavage or posing in underwear, pouting at the camera, gives an impression of being 'up for it' and will attract men who are looking for that.

Some men will just be knobs and see what they want to see, of course, but dressing in a certain way, and more to the point posting photos like that will give a certain impression.

If you see a guy posing topless in a bathroom mirror, you may be put off him. See the same guy smiling in a nice suit, completely different impression. It works for women too.

OhWesternWind · 17/06/2013 13:06

I am covered up (not polo neck level but no cleavage) on all my profile photos. No pouting either - one talking, one smiling and one not smiling. Apparently I look "innocent" hahahaha. But I would hate to give the opposite impression. I don't get a lot of messages about sex at all, very very few people starting off with rudery and perviness, no cock shots ever, so it must be working to filter out some of that kind of crap.

Flipper924 · 17/06/2013 13:21

I think I'm the same, OWW, but there's a fine line between covered up and mumsy, I've found. Mr 3DD has said that the way to get more attention is to be more sexual in a profile, but I'm quite happy not getting the cock shots (he offered to remedy this; I declined). I think it can be tough to get the right balance.

I would just like to get a message from someone who makes me laugh. Take the mick, have a bit of banter with, that sort of thing. Men that can do that don't seem to be attracted to my profile.

I've tried sending messages, too. I sent two yesterday, and got two very polite replies saying thank you, but they're already chatting to someone. That's a lame excuse, surely? No one would be 'exclusively chatting', would they?