Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

55 it's lovely to have a bit of excitment. As you're just starting out with OD, do remember though that a nice guy with a decent job/someone who can pay his way is a minimum standard you should expect. It's easy to forget that when you've come out of a relationship with a horrible ex or someone who's squashed your self esteem.

Scrazy thanks for your explanation about the post-weekend ridiculousness. I have been uber-cool for the past couple of months but now feel like I've been hit with a brick. It's a bummer that I'd rather strip off and run screaming through my office naked then talk about how I feel and risk coming across as a bit needy...

Scazy I liked that explanation too, I've never thought about it before but it makes total sense.

Smoothie if it's a straight choice, you may want to re-consider the naked office thing and talk to him

Aww, thanks Juliette, will try to bear that in mind this evening.

Thanks for the explanation T, I totally know what you mean. I'd be looking for obvious signs too. Not sure I'll be very good at sending them, but my general tendency to grin at people and awareness of what folded arms generally mean hopefully means it'll be ok.

Not heard from him for a few days so think I'll text to ask if we're still on...

Bill, maybe slightly .

Smoothie, no need to blurt it all out just yet, early days etc. I know how it feels, I get this after every weekend, nowadays a strange equilibrium has been established .

Good luck for tonight Hrrm - you do know that you have to do a loo update for us to let us know how it's going?

Alpha has apparently been taking photos to show me when he gets back . . .

Am trying to decide whether or not to meet up with College Bloke - get on very well by message/text but he lives too far away for me - an hour, which might not sound much but often I can only get a babysitter for three hours of an evening, so it would mean meeting half way or him coming to my town which is fine at the drinks/dinner stage but I'm not particularly comfortable about having people back to mine with the dcs being there. I know this is getting ahead of myself, but it's the reason I've always had a thirty minutes max rule. I've told him it is a bit far for me but he is still keen to meet. Not sure if it would be worth it or not.

There is also another one whose membership has expired but has left me his e-mail address - again not sure whether to take things further at the moment, but he seemed quite nice and might be worth a coffee.

I'm actually enjoying having a week with no dates and not going online much at all, although it feels a bit strange. The problem is, although it can be a bit of a pain, in my circumstances I really can't think of another way to meet anyone so it is OD or nothing so I guess I will pick myself up and crack on again before too long.

Right I've decided to try again, tarted up my profile and a more verbose spiel to see if that attracts a better standard of man and different photos, a bit more me. And I know the rules now!

I will try and join in here a bit more now and try to be a bit more lighthearted with it

Good move Colin - have you taken advantage of the free Dating Thread Profile Pimping Service? Lots of people on here will advise if you'd like them to and I think it can be really helpful to have a fresh eye look things over.

That distance question, OWW, has got me thinking. Is it in itself a minor red flag?

I was smitten by SurreyGirl way back at the end of last year, we met up once in London, and she was 2 hours drive away from me, but I thought she was fantastic and funny and sweet, so I thought it could possibly have worked. But she said her life was too complicated with her nightmare ex, not being able to get any babysitters ever and the distance was just a huge hurdle we couldn't get over.

Now I have a woman in central london winking at me repeatedly. She's very attractive and interesting and seemingly funny, but how she saw my profile I don't know, seeing as I say I'm in Hungaria. Not really much future there (I did mail to ask how she found me out of interest)

So.. are people who will plan very long distance dates being somewhat overly optimistic, or in the case of (some) men are they just looking for a shag a long way from home, with the built-in opt out clause of distance?

I'd be cautious about the latter.

and also OWW we really shouldn't call it a Pimping service. Oh so many connotations.

Well, he's not replied to my text yet (been about 40 mins)... If we do indeed meet this evening I'll attempt to do a loo update as per protocol.

This is nerve wracking though - how do people ever make it beyond a first date?! I haven't even got beyond 'admin' type texting and I'm a bag of nerves...

Reeeeeally hope he still wants to meet.
(And that if it was him this morning that I haven't put him off!)

Oh arse, Bant, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. If the thread implodes again it is all my fault. I'll get my coat . . .

I don't understand why people look so far afield unless they are in a remote area. To be fair to College Guy, the area he lives in is a bit of a retirement hot spot, maybe not too much choice there, but there are other towns and cities closer with a more average demographic. Maybe it's just my personal magnetism . . .

Hope you hear something soon Hrrm

I don't think long distance is a good starting point for OD. More than an hour away would be too far for me.

Hello all!

My update...

10 weeks no smoking. 24 lb down

Spending the weekend with Mr Flirt not this weekend but next.

Work still mad and I utterly failed at being 'back' on the last thread where I announced I was back. Oops.

I think I have to accept that for the foreseeable I really still don't have anything like a work/life balance. Money is 1) essential and 2) addictive though! I fear I may have just become a workaholic. Me, who in the distant past as an employee never ever got promoted or even considered because I would clock watch and leg it asap! Hahaa.

Oh well, I am very very happy anyway. I still feel absolutely zero need for a relationship. DD, work, cats, food and the occasional shag and bit of affection is all I need, and I have that, so yeehaa! :o

I absolutely adore not smoking. No idea how I am still managing to lose weight. A much slower pace but it's still coming off here and there.

Tonight is definitely happening! Eeeeek!

What's the drink etiquette - is it ok to have a G&T at 8pm on a weekday or will I look like an alcoholic? Don't like beer, wine gives me headaches and puts me to sleep, and I don't want to stick to lemonade or whatever and look boring. (God I'm so needy, will have to hide that this evening!!)

Off to wash my hair. Any last minute advice?

(If it was him I saw this morning, he's fiiiit)

Hrrm of course it's OK to have a G&T or 2! A drink means a drink, unless one of you doesn't.

I would struggle to date a teetotaller, I suspect it would mean Coffee would never be served.

Hrrrm.

First and foremost, remember, he's meant to be trying to impress you. It's completely fine to have GnT when you're meeting for a drink, just don't down them too fast as usually when you have too much to drink on a first date you regret it later.

You can start with a coffee, if you like, or GnT, but if you're nervous you may drink it quickly and get drunker than planned. Stick to two alcoholic drinks.

Don't expect a spark - if it happens, great, wonderful, but don't plan on it.

Make sure you give us a loo update and mostly.. relax. He should be the nervous one...

Hahaha at 'Coffee would never be served'!! I agree though.

Thanks Bant! Yes, he should be nervous, I have high standards...

Hmm. Options, options..

CheshireCat is snowed under with work, last night she said she was there till midnight. Tonight it looks like she's going to cancel our planned meal.

For someone who says she likes me, she seems remarkably slow to get in touch - I have to initiate everything - which is apparently normal for hungarian women but it's irritating as it's so much bloody hard work.

So. There is a speed dating thing on tonight. I may go. Not sure.

Or I could sit home and watch tv. Probably speed dating will be more interesting though.

Hrrrm you can have coffee, lemonade or G&T. You are a grown woman and can do whatever you want. I echo Bants advice about maximum two alcoholic drinks on a first date too. I usually don't drink much my phone jumped into the wine honest and I've found that those men who insist I have a 'proper drink' are knobbers in waiting.

Bant the distance thing I think can be a red flag again completely ignores own circumstances. It's the long distance eagerness that so many seem to have and then the suddenly saying it's too far.

OWW I now have visions of Bant dressed as a 70's style pimp, (Huggie bear in Shaft stylee) all blue lurex jumpsuit, fur maxi coat and a white cane topped with peacock feathers.

Bant, give Speed dating a go.

Hi Lubey, sounds like things are going well. You've reminded me of something I am supposed to be doing, giving up again!. Have a great weekend with Mr Flirt, is he a new man or has it been going on a while?

Bant speed dating. Go dazzle.

I have just had my first Personal Training session in two months since my back went. Pleasantly surprised that I wasn't back to the beginning considering what I have and haven't done

Arse. I have just had an email from the company that will fix the unfixable and they have refunded my money and are sending my iphone back as it's too far gone.

I admit I feel rather like my iphone. It will pass, won't it?

Oh Juliette ... it will pass

Scrazy Mr Flirt is the one who is really inexperienced and can't orgasm... last saw him and updated about him in mid May. This is me giving it another go and hoping there's an explanation for it that isn't too much porn use.. (could be inability to relax, or him being on antidepressants maybe... I don't know if he is but he does have panic attacks so maybe?)