Dating thread 56 all welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
3. Trust your gut instinct;
4. If it is not fun, stop

Oh and kirsty I'm not sure - I think that might be one of those upgrade features they try to convince you to pay for... Although in my favourites list the most recently online always goes to the top so if he's in your favourites that might give something away.

Kirsty, the only way I've found to check is to do a search that you know he'll come up in. That then tells you whether he was online today, or in the last week.

If anyone knows a better way, I'd love to know! And for OKC too. The only way I've found of checking on there is to look at their profile, but then you appear as a new visitor. It just makes stalking people soooooo complicated.

Broken Here's a big bucket of cold water from me! I was in your position about a month ago - the combo of fear, excitement, raw nerves, etc - nearly had a nervous breakdown. The trick is to follow this thread's rules, relax - if possible - & enjoy!
Keen to hear how it goes....

Broken here I come with the crash carp - zzzzzzzzztttttt - clear !

Morning everyone, have fun out there. Still no appearance from Showbiz, hmmmm, rather ill mannered, I think.

I'm relieved this thread (which I've only just decided to come to for some OD support/news/whatever) seems to be drawing a line under last night.

So - Wembley Man and I are exchanging one-liner messages, currently about food, he's said when he finishes the job he's working on he'd come to my town. I've not asked when that's likely to be, but what's the protocol with OD that doesn't go straight to a meet up? How long does one message before it's clear it's not happening? I'm not in a hurry by any means but I'm truly ignorant and keen not to repeat my my first and last OD disaster?

Bant? Can you give a male perspective please? I feel like I'm playing a game of poker .

Sooo... I have a date this evening, and... I may have just walked past him. I think it was him. He didn't show any signs of recognition and I was wearing huge glasses which I don't usually wear, so... a bit awkward. Perhaps it was someone else.

Would it be weird to ask him to meet me outside this evening so that I know who he is?

Also, trainers on a first date (pub; converse) - is this a no no? (For me, I mean.)

Morning Broken - takes me back to primary school assemblies writing that . . . Bit of excitement is good, too much is an almost certain route to a big let-down. I know it sounds so dampening, but the chances are that there's not going to be a spark here, so expect a nice date with a pleasant man and you probably won't be far wrong. If you get the spark too, we will all be

Martini ignore CopperKnobber. Just put it down to experience. Who else do you have on the horizon?

Kirsty I second Flipper's way of finding out not that I ever do anything like that myself Still hoping he will reappear.

Wisey well that sounds a bit open-ended. Is he working away or something so he can't come sooner?

Nora what a shame about ole Showbiz - still, that means there is a vacancy to be filled . . .

Bant if you can't get the hamper, can you get the checked table cloth and strawberries?

No news from me, feeling a bit jaded with OD and wondering when things will happen for me. College Bloke is still on about going for a curry but I don't know if I can be bothered. Not sure whether to wait for Alpha to come back off his trip and see how things go there, or if I'm just deluding myself by thinking there might be something there. What should I do? Carry on regardless for the moment? I know that's what I would advise other people but I'm still feeling a bit meh.

Sorry Hrrm cross posted. Asking him to meet outside is fine. That's the bit I really don't like on dates where you go in and are scanning tables for some bloke who may or may not look like a blurry profile photo . . . Wear what gives you confidence and is comfortable!

If I search on his user name nothing is returned .. Does that mean his profile is deleted/hidden?

bant what about a wicker basket instead?

nora sorry about showbiz

Hi to everyone else

A bit excited is good Broken but too excited is probably going to lead to a let down. To be honest, it's been dates where I've almost cancelled that have led on to something more, so excitement beforehand is no indication of what will happen.

Are you on PoF Kirsty? If he's deleted it will show if you look at past messages.

Morning.
bant Italian has been quiet since I stated my expectations of exclusivity from her on. My radar says she'll be quiet until her other date has happened to see how that goes first. So I'm writing that one off.

Moon girl got back from her holiday sat and no contact. Pencilled in a meet for thurs but again, radar says she'll bail. Again.

And that's it for me. Not really actively looking on POF at the moment as to be honest I'm a bit busy with stuff so the lack of other options doesn't really bother me.

When's the picnic?

OWW his profile is there I reckon it is hidden .. Don't know if it has always been as he messaged me first

hrrm I've met people outside pubs, it's fine. Some people don't like going in and sitting on their own so prefer meeting outside (or now I come to think of it perhaps that was their way of ensuring they recognised me)

Broken I get over excited at just about every man I "meet" on POF, but I agree with the others, just try to stick to the rules! Not easy!

I'm also waiting to hear from the man who was keen to meet me when we chatted loads over the weekend.... but nothing yesterday. I wonder if Mondays are just very slow for OD messaging (I'm thinking of Mr NYC here too Kirsty)? That's what I'm telling myself anyway....

OWW if I were you I'd keep scanning online for now, with a view to catching up with Alpha when he's home, no point in pinning all your hopes in him at this stage even though he does sound rather fab. If he is rather fab, it'll all happen for you when he's home anyway :)

Hello to everyone else!

Bill picnic is on Sunday. It's 35 degrees here at the moment, but by Sunday it'll be down to a nippy 31.

"This isn't hot!", they tell me "Wait till it gets to 45 degrees in August. That's hot", they say.

hrrm - I've done the 'meet outside pubs' before but prefer not to, personally, as it's one thing hanging around outside for a couple of minutes, but if someone is 20 minutes late it gets a bit weird. I prefer to swap mobile numbers then I can say (if I'm there first) - 'Furthest table to the left, blue shirt' by text

wisey - you've said you're interested, it's up to him now to sort his life out and arrange the date. I wouldn't hold your breath though to be honest. He may sort it out, he may not, but if he's not in any rush to then move on to other people and see if he comes through in the end.

All your eggs in one basket is generally not a good idea when you haven't even met yet.

Hi to everyone else.

I don't know where to buy a wicker basket from either. Guess I'll go shopping on Saturday.

The hungarian for
"a wicker basket with a nice gingham cloth, some strawberries and champagne" is
"egy fonott kosár, szép tarkán szőtt pamutszövet ruha, egy kis epret és pezsgőt"

Bill, forgive me if I'm wrong but did you expect exclusivity with Italian but have been arranging to see Moongirl

Just a thought on all these misunderstandings and rows. I remember watching Trisha, many moons ago, when I was newly young, free and single and having lots of casual sex flings, hoping it would get me over a divorce and despairing as to why these guys were only interested in one thing. She used to say 'If you don't like what you are catching, change the bait'. The audience used to laugh at that, it wasn't meant to be insulting. I got out of my particular rut (not because of Trisha) and travelled the world, then started meeting men who were more serious, and wanted to treat me better, guess my focus shifted. Obviously I didn't meet my life partner or I wouldn't be on this thread all this time.

Also the 'slut walk' thing and all the advice we give to young women about 'stick with your friends, don't get drunk and go off, guard your drink for spiking, don't wear revealing clothes' etc. DD was looking at something interesting on fb iirc. Advice for boys. 'Get a buddy system, e.g if you think you might be going to attack or rape, tell a buddy, who will stay with you and make sure you don't' other things that I carn't recall, but an interesting play on it.

Anyway, hope the thread is back on course. Ike, hope to see you around soon.

Hello all

Glad the thread has returned to normal!

Broken, Its hard not to get excited but try to keep your perspective so you don't get hurt :)

Hrmm - I hate meeting outside - I always try to meet inside, I find it less nerve wracking. I also try to be the second one there.

So, Im having a third date with mac (who im not sure of yet) on Thursday, hoping I will make my mind up on him after this one. He is just a bit awkward and im not relly used to it (or find that attractive in men to be honest). Ive also arranged another date on saturday night with someone else, who looks fairly promising, and ANOTHER on sunday afternoon with someone I spoke to on POF a few months ago but we lost touch. 3 guys in 5 days?? Thats bad isnt it? (im avoiding arranging the fourth four this weekend as ill just get incredibly confused)

Hmm, ok, I take your points Bant, Bill and T. I wouldn't want to wait around for ages either. I don't know if he's one of those chronically late people like me.

T - I've come cross that advice for potential rapists too, it's great. Also, can I ask: in what way is Mac awkward? (Just because I feel slightly awkward myself sometimes, so would be good to know what to avoid.)

Wisey when he finishes the job? If he is serious about meeting up then he should follow through. He started all this stuff about Wembly/Kent after all. This is that rule about 'it's all bullshit until it happens'. Play it by ear if you're not sure, just do what you want to.

As for texting, I get bored with it and find it irritating to have to keep answering unless they are down to brief and funny or interesting one liners. Some people seem to think we are here for their amusement, you always know though because they are the ones who start texting a lot when they are between things to do without any thought that you're work/busy and then drop it entirely when the they are occupied. But then I get irritated when someone knocks at my door.

Hrrrm you don't sound awkward at all, why would you think you are awkward? Anyway don't focus on that, think of yourself as the prize. Quirky, individual, a little shy maybe if you must

I don't know, just like he's perhaps a little uncomfortable with the whole dating thing, arms folded etc. I've asked if its me and he says it's not and I do think he likes me. I'm just not one to chase so it needs to be more obvious to me if you know what I mean. Plus the other guys I've dated have been fairly confident.

scrazy. Good point. I'm clear that if I meet moon girl it will not be a date. We are not dating and this is purely a catch up (if it ever happens). Ok there's a bit of history there but if we ever did decide to actually date then I'd choose one person to see.

You did make me think though. Perhaps I am being hypocritical here.