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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 56 all welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 15/06/2013 21:12

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop
OP posts:
Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:06

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ProperStumped · 17/06/2013 21:06

If someone had sent me that, I would have pissed myself laughing and messaged them back immediately, if it's any consolation. Unfortunately, it seems that he really IS a cunt Sad Grin

Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:09

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Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:11

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Bant · 17/06/2013 21:13

Right, just to rebut a couple of points.
Velvet, I've said nothing that I intended to offend you. Sorry if you took offence for some reason, I hadn't intended any and apart from disagreeing with you, really don't see how what I said was anything to do with you specifically.

I said wearing certain clothes and posting photos e.g showing lots of cleavage will be taken by some men as indicating a woman is 'up for it' which as I pointed out is stupid, but true. Some men will take it as that. Other men will be offensive no matter what.

The slutwalk, as I understand it, is to protest to show that women should be able to wear whatever they want and go unmolested. I wholeheartedly agree. I have daughters and want them to be safe and able to make whatever choices they want. That being said, I would like there to be no crime, dangerous drivers or disease and will still raise them to be aware of those things and take appropriate measures to keep themselves safe.

Wishing the world was a nicer place does not mean one should forget how shit it can be and act accordingly. And blaming me for other people's behaviour just gives the impression that you're paranoid and spoiling for a fight. And for a 'new' poster to the thread, that seems like a strange way to join it. If it is who I think it is (and presumably you'll see I blocked your PMs because of your stunning lack of self awareness and childish need to name-call) then just grow up and put your name back to normal so I can ignore you as usual.

The fact that I make judgements on people's motives, background, education etc based upon the photos they choose to advertise themselves with is my choice. I'm honest about it. I daresay if I'd said I avoid women with too many horse pictures then someone would take offence at that too. As, in fact, they have previously.

The fact that I made implicit judgements based upon someone's choice of photos, and from that I drew the implication that other people will too, well, statistically I'm a fairly small group but I'm the only guy that's posting so draw whatever conclusions you will.

At no point have I said, or implied, that women deserve to be harrassed or attacked based upon their clothing. I find those accusations annoying and groundless. If people wish to view me as the epitome of sexist bollocks that you all deal with on a daily basis then you're really stretching a point. I've expressed a male opinion in the assumption that some people may find it valuable. I don't expect to be harangued for every ill ever done to you by my gender.

That is all

Kirstywirsty · 17/06/2013 21:16

Looking for a bit of advice .. The guy I was going to meet on Wednesday but I binned for being snippy ( and then he sent some insults and a photo of a bottle of lube) has texted me to say '6pm on Wednesday at the xx pub ok?' .. I should just continue to ignore shouldn't I?? Although I am tempted to reply 'no you were binned'

The lovely MrNYC has vanished!! Last heard from yesterday morning .. I sent a reply and haven't heard a cheep since .. Ah well .. Back to the drawing board :(

OP posts:
johnnydeppshat · 17/06/2013 21:19

kirsty - up to you really. id assume he was after something casual. if thats ok with you, go for it, or if not, then dont. its really just what you want.

Bant · 17/06/2013 21:20

Kirsty, I'd reply with 'can we make it 6:15?' Then not show and block him

Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:20

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smoothieooo · 17/06/2013 21:20

Wine - no reason whatsoever!! We've been texting this evening and I'm struggling to keep it lighthearted and normal. I'm not saying a big, fat declaration of love is in the offing but I do really like him and a brilliant weekend away is so different from a regular Saturday night date or sleepover. I will crash carp myself - trademark KinNora I believe - and hopefully get a bloody grip by tomorrow.

JulietteMontague · 17/06/2013 21:21

Kirsty yes ignore, ignore! He is attention seeking, I'd be tempted to send back a pic of a bottle of lube and the biggest anal dildo he's ever seen. But I wouldn't, because he would still take that as some sort of invitation.

OhWesternWind · 17/06/2013 21:23

Smoothie sounds blissful with SLG. Is your ex mucking about at the moment?

Kirsty hope NYC comes back. Could you just ask Lube why the lubepic?

Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:24

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Kirstywirsty · 17/06/2013 21:26

Me too OWW he seemed lovely .. MrLube ( for you wine) is a wackjob .. I got wary vibes from him .. Not going to make any contact

juliette haha .. But no I think you are right :)

OP posts:
BloomingRose · 17/06/2013 21:33

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Djangounhinged · 17/06/2013 21:40

Kirsty I'd ignore - he shouldn't have to be reminded that he was binned, you were quite clear first time round. Resist!

I am a little bit of a Proclaimers fan, I'd love to say that it's in an ironic way, but it isn't Blush. In fact I think I was singing one of their songs rather loudly on Saturday eve.... I was vay, vay drunk....

80% return does sound good, but I think I am developing some very fixed views about the dating pool in my quaint little corner of the world most of them just reply out of gratitude that someone has shown an interest in them politeness, and usually just to say something like "you look nice but you're too far away"... As for the 50% drop out rate, well I can only presume my banter is shite!!

Smoothie I suspect that the flight or fight thing is totally natural at the stage you're now at - you weren't that bothered, and now you are quite bothered, and that requires a bit of a mindset shift! You could be on the cusp of something quite big, and of course you're going to be asking yourself if you're ready / if you're reading the situation right / if you really, really want it to happen. Exciting times! Keep us posted! Smile

Djangounhinged · 17/06/2013 21:44

Wine your response to the gorgeous POFer was brilliant - what a shame he wasn't smart enough to reply to you!

Proper I bet you couldn't get away from that guy quickly enough Hmm - what did he expect your response to be? "That's nice, dear"??

johnnydeppshat · 17/06/2013 21:45

rose, im dumbfounded at your post.

its more sexist than some of the other stuff thats been posted today.

seriously people.... its 2013.

im just, yeah, speachless.

MsCellophane · 17/06/2013 21:46

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velvetspoon · 17/06/2013 21:49

Bant this all started because I posted a response to Martini (who was saying men seem to have the wrong impression of her) saying that I had too suffered from this for years both in photos and RL, men assuming I was 'up for it' etc

You then chose to respond to the effect that showing lots of cleavage or posing in underwear, pouting at the camera (NONE of which I had said I did - and I was talking about myself specifically in my post, not just general 'men are crap for sending women rude messages' comment) gives an impression of being 'up for it' (the specific words I had used, and I really don't think it's any coincidence you used those same words) and will attract men who are looking for that.

And then later that you yourself would make those sort of assumptions if you saw a woman with cleavage, but you wouldn't about one without. Not pouting, or posing provocatively, or in underwear, just with some cleavage.

I'm sorry but I can't agree that's right. Nor is it the way I am raising my sons to behave. I don't expect you to change your view, which is obviously well-entrenched, but I can't agree with it. And it's not the way all men think - I know quite a few who wouldn't make any assumptions as to a woman's sexual availability from her clothing. Or the fact she wore makeup.

I do feel women should be free to dress and present themselves as they wish, without assumption being made. After all, men can. Obviously not everyone agrees with me. So be it.

Bant · 17/06/2013 21:50

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Djangounhinged · 17/06/2013 21:51

Oh, someone (OWW?) asked what I put in my first message to get my 80% reply rate..... Very little! Usually one question, asking them about something they've written in their profile, and that's it. Nothing else! Smile

Winefiend · 17/06/2013 21:57

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akaWisey · 17/06/2013 21:57

Blimey I think I may have a result.

He wants to come to my area when he's finished a job he's working on. I've said I'd be happy to show him around.

Playin' it cooooool. As someone said upthread, it's not real til it actually happens.

BloomingRose · 17/06/2013 21:59

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