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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Been very stupid

295 replies

verystupid · 27/05/2006 11:21

I have changed my name for this post as I am so ashamed of what I have done, but need to talk.
My husband & I have had quite severe relationship problems recently, which have calmed a little in the last couple of months.
Last night I went for a night out with a friend & had a good time, but at the end of the night we couldn't get a cab. My friend & I phoned several taxi firms, but got no joy. While waiting around for a cab, my friend started speaking to a male friend that she knew from school. We started to walk home & this guy walked along with us. He was mainly talking to my friend.
Eventually my friend got through to a taxi firm on her mobile. The cab arrived, but as I was so near my home, this friend of hers said he would walk me to my house as he lived nearby.
I stupidly agreed to this, as the bloke was happily married & had not tried it on with either of us. I know how stupid that was now, but at the time with several drinks in my system & so near to this my home, I stupidly accepted.
I was quite panicked about getting home quickly, as my husband gets very angry if I am late, but I very stupidly did not phone my husband (as I normally would) & explain why I was late getting home.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, this bloke was fine. He didn't try & chat me up or anything, but seemed concerned that I was panicking so much about my husband getting angry. I explained that he had a temper & this guy gave me a bit of a "you only live once & get out if you are unhappy" talk.
I saw a car drive through our estate & had a feeling it was H, just before reaching my house.
When I got in it was around 3.30am & the upstairs light was on.
H quizzed me about where I had been & I told him I could not get a cab & had walked home with my friend.( which I had done, except for the last little bit of my walk) He called me a lyer & said our marraige was over as he had seen me with this bloke & knows I discussed our relationship, as he drove out looking for me. I told him the full story of how this bloke was a happily married friend of my friend, who was not trying to crack on to me & that the reason he was saying get out if you are not happy, was because I seemed afraid of my H's response to me being late home.
This guy gave me a little peck on the cheek before leaving me & H saw this too.
He has gone berserk at me (which I know I deserve) & told me our marraige is over. Our marraige has been hanging on a very fine thread for a long time now, but things seemed to be improving a little.
I am so very ashamed with myself. He is at work all day today & I feel so bad that I can barely function for my children. I just keep crying & DS1 keeps asking why I am sad.
I know I should have phoned H & can't believe I didn't. I was afraid of waking him because I knew he had work early today, which I know now was very wrong. I also know that it was very wrong to let this guy walk me to my house, but it was all very innocent.
I have tried phoning H on his mobile, but he doesn't have it switched on.
I feel so terrible. I just don't know what to do with myself.

OP posts:
tribpot · 31/05/2006 12:04

Don't worry about the agents, vs, just go with the flow on that, it doesn't mean anything, just him trying to tighten the screws.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 12:39

Hating this.

Marina · 31/05/2006 12:41

:( VS.
I know from the other end though that no sale will progress or even halfway decent agency will touch your property if it transpires one party has not consented to the sale. Your consent has to be given in the form of a signature. Our purhase was badly delayed for this very reason although the vendors were not in the same situation as you are vs.
Thinking of you.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 13:15

Thanks, marina.
I wish he would go out. This is so hard.Sad

Uwila · 31/05/2006 14:41

Good luck. Hang in there. The power is yours, not his. I think I'd go out on that day. Just avoid the whole conflict.

Uwila · 31/05/2006 14:41

By the way, hi Trib. Long time, no see.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 15:02

Can't walk very far, my blister hurts!
Feel all churned up.

Rhubarb · 31/05/2006 15:04

Why have you got a blister?

verystressed · 31/05/2006 15:06

After walking for miles yesterday to make my appt.

Freckle · 31/05/2006 16:44

If you choose to go down the route of divorce, you will need your marriage certificate. It might be a good idea to find it and put it somewhere safe, along with copies of any financial documents which you might need. Is there a friend who could hold these for you? Also, things such as your and the children's birth certificates, passports and other important documents.

This must be really hard for you, but taking the first step is the hardest.

Rhubarb · 31/05/2006 16:45

You won't feel this way forever, things will change because you are making them change. It'll get better and you will feel better. Just stick at it. I know it seems a long way off, but this time next year you have the potential to be a very happy person, whereas if you stick with him in this situation, you'll always be walking on eggshells.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 16:50

He knows something is not right.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 16:53

I know this bit is the hardest. Found marraige certificate this pm.

vitomum · 31/05/2006 20:01

hope the feet are OK

verystressed · 31/05/2006 20:08

Still can't walk on one foot! Feet are in a better state than my head is atm, though!

spangles · 31/05/2006 20:34

VS you need to do what freckle says and get all important documents together.. getting copies of these later on will be one big hassle you can do without.

Rhubarb · 31/05/2006 20:37

Keep yourself busy with the practical things you need to do, it'll take your mind off the emotional side of it. I used to imagine having an off switch in my head and I would turn my emotions off whenever they got too much to bear. It worked for me.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 20:46

I do that switching off thing too, Rhubarb. Sometimes it is the only way to get through tough times.
I find it easier to do that now that H has left for work. When he was here this afternoon, it was unbearable, because I didn't know how to act with him, so kept my distance.
He was very quiet today & obviously knows things aren't right, as he came up & hugged me, looking all teary eyed, at one point this afternoon.
I think he knows I have had enough.

Uwila · 31/05/2006 20:46

What do you mean by he knows something is not right?

Uwila · 31/05/2006 20:47

Oh, right. Sorry. Posts crossed.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 20:48

Because I am having very little communication with him & staying out of the way as much as possible.

Rhubarb · 31/05/2006 20:49

So what's he doing about it? Is he talking to you? No.
Has he apologised? No.
He's trying to get you to change your mind whilst doing as little as he possibly can. Unless he made an appointment with a counsellor and accepted blame and apologised, I wouldn't put up with his crocodile tears.

Keep strong for a little while longer hon!

vitomum · 31/05/2006 20:50

yes that sounds tough VS. pleae be extra careful though at this time, particularly if he is sensing that you might have had enough.

verystressed · 31/05/2006 21:00

No Radiohead tonight though!

FloatingOnTheMed · 31/05/2006 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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