Been very stupid

[verystupid]

I have changed my name for this post as I am so ashamed of what I have done, but need to talk.
My husband & I have had quite severe relationship problems recently, which have calmed a little in the last couple of months.
Last night I went for a night out with a friend & had a good time, but at the end of the night we couldn't get a cab. My friend & I phoned several taxi firms, but got no joy. While waiting around for a cab, my friend started speaking to a male friend that she knew from school. We started to walk home & this guy walked along with us. He was mainly talking to my friend.
Eventually my friend got through to a taxi firm on her mobile. The cab arrived, but as I was so near my home, this friend of hers said he would walk me to my house as he lived nearby.
I stupidly agreed to this, as the bloke was happily married & had not tried it on with either of us. I know how stupid that was now, but at the time with several drinks in my system & so near to this my home, I stupidly accepted.
I was quite panicked about getting home quickly, as my husband gets very angry if I am late, but I very stupidly did not phone my husband (as I normally would) & explain why I was late getting home.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, this bloke was fine. He didn't try & chat me up or anything, but seemed concerned that I was panicking so much about my husband getting angry. I explained that he had a temper & this guy gave me a bit of a "you only live once & get out if you are unhappy" talk.
I saw a car drive through our estate & had a feeling it was H, just before reaching my house.
When I got in it was around 3.30am & the upstairs light was on.
H quizzed me about where I had been & I told him I could not get a cab & had walked home with my friend.( which I had done, except for the last little bit of my walk) He called me a lyer & said our marraige was over as he had seen me with this bloke & knows I discussed our relationship, as he drove out looking for me. I told him the full story of how this bloke was a happily married friend of my friend, who was not trying to crack on to me & that the reason he was saying get out if you are not happy, was because I seemed afraid of my H's response to me being late home.
This guy gave me a little peck on the cheek before leaving me & H saw this too.
He has gone berserk at me (which I know I deserve) & told me our marraige is over. Our marraige has been hanging on a very fine thread for a long time now, but things seemed to be improving a little.
I am so very ashamed with myself. He is at work all day today & I feel so bad that I can barely function for my children. I just keep crying & DS1 keeps asking why I am sad.
I know I should have phoned H & can't believe I didn't. I was afraid of waking him because I knew he had work early today, which I know now was very wrong. I also know that it was very wrong to let this guy walk me to my house, but it was all very innocent.
I have tried phoning H on his mobile, but he doesn't have it switched on.
I feel so terrible. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Feeling very emotional tbh.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am so proud of you, I have just started crying.

I can't imagine having to cope without my mum's support, but i think you really have to ignore most of what she says, it sounds like every comment just makes it harder.

Better a two-up-two-down where your boys aren't shouted at for bringing in a bit of gravel from the garden, where you aren't shouted at for every accidental spill, where you don't have to walk on eggshells (metaphorically, since in reality they would make too much mess!), where you aren't made to feel like an (unwanted) visitor in your own home!

Well done on the "why on earth wouldnt i?" comment, i'm really proud of you in a totally non-patronising way .

Don't forget if it gets to the point that you need a temp bolt hole I can always make room, I'd hate to think of anyone having to stay in that kind of environment, I know there are places like refuge but personally I could never call them, I was far too embarrassed.

Thanks.

oh well done you.xxx

Just read all of this. Isn't it amazing the support we give each other. Kisses to all of you!

well don VS for making the call.. you WILL cope. please dont change yr mind before monday will you.

Don't worry, I won't.

Good on yer - have emailed you
xx

i know i dont know you and nor you me, so this probably means piss all but....I AM REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

this is the first step in standing up to him and showing that you wont take this sort of behaviour anymore.
you dont even need to leave if you dont feel ready yet, just by making this step your showing you have had enough.

Really REALLY so happy...blister n all!

Ahhhh, thanks.
Just read your mail, dino, thanks. Have drunk wine tonight & have stopped crying now!
Blister has burst now & bl**dy hurts!!

He wont know what to do when he finds out you have arranged to see a solicitor.. unless you choose not to tell him about the appointment.. anyway well done to you. When you go they will ask lots of questions so be prepared for it to be quite emotional. Maybe even make a list of incidents so you can jog your memory.. dont let H find the list, you will need to hide it until Monday. a good place is if you have a pair of socks that is instantly recognisable.. roll it up in the socks and chuck it to the back of the sock drawer.. make sure you know which pair it is then your not going through all the socks monday morning Stay strong and in the meantime dont be fooled if he starts to behave better and be more calm because you know it wont last.

Well done vs :) Good luck.

I have no doubt I will get emotional - I was feeling emotional enough when I made the appt!

Just seen that you made the appointment - fantastic, well done you.
Make sure you go well prepared with as much financial information as possible.
So glad you've done this.

VS, I have mentioned this lower down on the thread, but could anyone go with you on Monday? I think it is going to be a very difficult meeting and you might need some moral support.

Is there any chance at all he could be reading this? If so, put the list somewhere other than the sock drawer.

Can you keep the list at a trusted friend's house? Does the frined with whom you went out the other night know what's going on? Can she go to the solicitor with you?

wow, amazed at this thread! I didn't click earlier for the same reason as sp, but curiosity got the better of me. Well done, vs and good luck to you. x x

Haven't spoken to many RL friends about this yet. I will go alone as pretty much all of my friends work.
I know it will be tough.

Agents coming round Saturday.

Let them, call his bluff, then refuse to sign anything.

Spangles has said precisly what i was about to.

make a list of everything that you think is relevant. how much money comes in and goes out, what you think the house is worth, where the mortgage is held....basicly anything financial.

then make a list of all the incidents that have forced you to reach this decision.

then another list detailsing what it is you actually want to know from the solicitor. i know that sounds silly but when you get in there eh will ask yo things you hadnt thought about, you;ll cry your eyes out and will forget what it is you actually need to know!

good luck hun, its probably best if you go int to speak with the solicitor alone at first anyway...i know that sounds strange but the reason i say it is that you are stil coming to terms with everythign that's happened and if there is anyon else there you tend to keep a little back as you dont want then to judge you or your hubby...and so you withold some things that may be important later on

let us know how you get on.