I know I'll prob get a flaming...

[HurryUpWithTheWine]

Today I ended it with a guy I've been seeing for a while. Yes I was the OW and I know how awful my behaviour was. If you were his gf would you want to know? I'm torn and can't decide what's for the best. I know I'm a bitch and whatever else you want to throw at me...

Is dad still with mum?

The only favour you could ever have done her was by not having sex with HER husband. Tramp.

Karma.

No and tbh it's mainly him in the videos as he gets a kick out of watching himself. There's not really enough of me on display for it to embarrass me.

Yep my mum and dad have been happily married for 45 years. Can't see why that's relevant though...

God no that would be awful - finding out via a video of you having sex.

He sounds like a right bastard

Sounds like he's a porn loser then. Just get rid of the videos - they're a yucky souvenir of something you hopefully aren't proud of.

Re your mum and dad, some OW get into these things partly because they have difficult relationships with men or women because of their bad relationships with their mum or dad. But the main reason is selfishness of course.

Bullshit ^

But anyway, I would want to know personally and think you should knock the door or pick up the phone and tell her. It's not your fault if she doesn't believe you or stays with him but at least she can't come back in five years and hurl abuse at you.

Sorry thread has moved on dramatically in the time before my wifi caught up

Why don't you get it into your head that you were just a hole. He will stay with his wife and his child and he will remember you as a (possible) good shag.

Live with it.

Music - I know that! Clearly you haven't read previous posts.

Music, I really don't think that is the point of this thread. Calling her names is out of order.

Music - you can insult me all you like if you so wish but it just sounds like you're bitter.

Music, can't you post without the unnecessary insults

Op - the 'just bitter' retort is pretty shit and a bit cliche.

Pag I agree, just music wasn't adding anything constructive just slating me. I know I deserve it (I don't know how many times I have to write that) and I'm not looking for sympathy, not that I'd deserve it as already stated. Just what's the point in slagging me off?

Hurry,

I wouldn't start out showing her the video or txts right away. Tell her and perhaps tell her you have proof. Only send it if she asks for it.

Hearing your partner is cheating and it's coming from the OW is a lot to take as it is.

Overture - of course I wouldn't send them straight away. She might not want to know or to be proved wrong about him. I'll leave it up to her.

No HurryUp I agree - that was why I posted to music.

But the 'you just sound bitter' is the snidey cheap shot of last resort used on here by OWs at wives who have been shat on. Using it in this context makes you sound like one of those OW.

This is interesting! Videos as well. I have some more questions

When did you find out he was married and had dcs?

If he really did leave her would you continue the relationship with him?

What makes you think she doesn't know already that he is having an affair?

Pag - I agree and I'm sorry Music just if you're not going to add anything then why bother?

Wondering - I knew all along about his gf and child. Yes I'm fully aware how bad that makes me. I was spun a load of shit which I should have ignored. Not using it as an excuse, I was stupid and should have stayed well away.

I don't know whether I would, his angry streak really threw me and I doubt I'd trust him.

She could well know, I'm just presuming she doesn't as most women wouldn't put up with it.

That is twice now you have mentioned video evidence

I wouldn't threaten to show these videos to his girlfriend. He could very easily escalate to violence.

Delete the videos and the pics and walk away with some small morsel of your dignity left intact. Said kindly.

I've already said I wodnt send the videos unless she wanted to see them.

I am relieved! It moved very fast, from like 10 texts a day to him staying over 5 nights a week in a couple of weeks. I know he'd prob do the same to me as the whole "I'd never do it to you" and "I love you" were all bollocks.

*wouldn't

It's bad enough, that you were the ow but to then to even contemplate telling the gf, jeez.
My opinion is no, it isn't your secret to tell, it has to come from her oh.

Not only that, but what good would it do??? If you do this, it can only be out of spite.