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Original poster

I know I'll prob get a flaming...

284 replies

HurryUpWithTheWine · 03/06/2013 21:34

Today I ended it with a guy I've been seeing for a while. Yes I was the OW and I know how awful my behaviour was. If you were his gf would you want to know? I'm torn and can't decide what's for the best. I know I'm a bitch and whatever else you want to throw at me...

OP posts:
Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 13:24

Pumpkin - he won't confess as he's spineless and doesn't want to lose her. That's fair enough, I wouldn't want to either.

Surely you want to know if he'd been shagging around and will probably do it again when he finds someone else stupid enough.

OP posts:
Upnotdown · 04/06/2013 13:30

It depends.

I'd want to know. If the guy was treating his DW like shit because he was shagging around I think you'd be doing her a favour. If he has been treating her badly, she could be sitting there thinking she's done something wrong...

OTOH he might be treating her like a queen...

But either way, if your motivation is spite and not her wellbeing, it smells a bit like sour grapes.

ProphetOfDoom · 04/06/2013 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

henrysmama2012 · 04/06/2013 13:38

Sounds to me like he is a serial cheater if he is the type of guy to cheat on his wife and even make sex video mementos with the OW...almost like he knows he will get called out by the OW sooner rather than later, so he makes sure he gets these vid's done so he can keep remembering the thrill...sounds to me a bit like routine for him. I mean, I would presume that if a guy has never cheated and this was a 'you are the love of my life' scenario its still skanky of him, but I can't seem him sailing through in such a remoreseless way, knocking out a bunch of sexy videos, all that stuff...sounds like this is a bit of a habit. Just my take on it. In that context it means he's going to do it a lot more and has probably done it a lot already, so personally I'd want to know if I was the W - clearly she could do a lot better and I think at least someone in this scenario should respect her enough to tell her the truth.

Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 13:46

I know! I regret falling for the patter. I liked the attention and felt sorry for him being in a seemingly shit relationship. I know I should have said I wasn't I retested or come back when you're single but mistakes happen. Yes I know I consciously did in, but I really did t think it all through and I was swept away with it all especially as how fast it all moved. Yes I know it's terrible etc.

I believed him and that's what I'm angry about, how stupid I am and he lied. Yes I now realise he'd obviously lie. It was yet again another thing I hadn't thought of.

OP posts:
Sparklypinknails · 04/06/2013 13:57

This is all about revenge. If it was about his gf, you'd have told her the moment he came onto you. All your excuses about not realising he was feeding you lines are just that - excuses. Don't punish her for your stupidity.

OTTMummA · 04/06/2013 13:58

I think you would do better to work on your own self esteem issues so you don't end up underneath another 'charmer' in six months time.

Stop blaming him for how you 'fell for it' there will come a point in life where you realise you are responsible for your own actions and how they affect you and the people around you.

Use this anger in a constructive manner and learn a lesson from it.
Do not turn it into a destructive force.
If you were to tell her now, you would just be trying to justify your actions this is you trying to find a way to alleviate some guilt.

pictish · 04/06/2013 13:58

Bear in mind in the future OP, no good can ever come of a relationship built on the foundations of deception. From the outset he showed you he was an accomplished and unashamed liar.

Accomplished and unashamed liars generally make shit spouses...and don't think that somehow it is different with you..that what you have is that bit more special, because obviously that his wife or gf thought too at some point.
He lies to her and he'll lie to you just the same.

Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 14:01

OTT - I know I was stupid to fall for it and I think without his lies it wouldn't have happened. Obviously, I'm to blame and I do accept responsibility for it.

OP posts:
Louise1956 · 04/06/2013 14:17

tellling his girlfriend would be most unwise, she will almost certainly blame you rather than him, women have a tendency to do that. unless you want to make an enemy for some reason, don't do it.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:39

Are you deleting the videos then ?

Why would his girlfriend even ask for something she supposedly doesn't know the existence of ? I don't trust you, and I don't think you trust yourself.

OTTMummA · 04/06/2013 14:41

But you so readily believed those lies,,,,

Do you believe everything you are told? or just clichéd words from charming men?

You chose not to keep it in your pants HUWTT, you chose not to question his reluctance to leave, you chose to carry on sleeping with him whilst in the full knowledge that he was still with his GF.

Now why you would choose to act like this is anyone's guess, mine is that you loath yourself and you felt speshul being wooed by a taken man, in some way you deluded yourself into believing that his GF wasn't enough and you had that certain something she didn't.

Well now you know better, he was just a lying shit who wanted his cake, and got it quite easily from you.

Treat yourself better, you deserve to be happy, but you will not find it with someone who is already taken, and definitely not by telling the GF about your sordid affair.

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2013 14:43

There's one thing sending evidence of texts if the GF ever finds out about the affair, but sending videos is horrible.
If the texts are evidence enough, why on earth are you even keeping the videos?

I think showing them to the GF is spite in the extreme.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:45

Why hasn't MrLoverLover asked for the videos back/made sure they are deleted ?

Have you actually finished with him ?

Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 14:47

I've said countless times I would only send the videos if SHE wants to see them. If I was her I'd probably want to see them, so he couldn't lie and say it was all talk. That will be up to her if she believes me, wants to see the texts or the videos.

No I haven't deleted them and I won't until I contact her and see if she wants to see them.

Maybe I'm weird in wanting to see them if I was her, but at least I'd be 100% sure he did do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 14:48

Yes I have finished with him. How can he make me delete them?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:50

How would she get to know about them ? Even if you told her that her boyfriend is a shagger, if you tell her about the videos and invite her to watch them I think that makes you very fucking weird

AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:51

What the hell is wrong with you ? Don't you see how inappropriate that is ?

pumpkinsweetie · 04/06/2013 14:51

I hope you have deleted the videos?
You say you want her to know what a spineless cheat she is with, but surely you knew this when you embarked upon the affair, but carried on anyway?

I hope you don't go through with this, it won't end well & all the blame will be put on you. There is nothing to gain from it, as the bloke will go off to new pastures new regardless of whether she knows or not.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:52

if I were MrLoverLover, I would come round and delete the videos myself

AnyFucker · 04/06/2013 14:55

Why are we bothering here ? Let's quit the fannying around, it's quite clear what you mean to do

OP, just put the amateur pornography in her inbox right now

or post it on your FB wall and send her a link

you are a fucking crank

overture · 04/06/2013 14:56

I think she kept the videos and txt messages in case his DP asked for proof.
I don't like what she did, but she has posted, apologised and taken a lot of heat when should could have said nothing.
My best friend was in your position, I'm glad she told me, even thought I will never speak to her again or forget what she did, I'm glad she told me. I didn't ask for proof, because I didn't need it from her.

But, had it been a stranger, I dunno if I would ask or not, I think perhaps I would have, because knowing my XH now, he would have tried to lie and wiggle his way out of anything.

Pagwatch · 04/06/2013 14:56

I do actually have to agree that this sounds increasingly odd.
You say you are responsible yet blame his lies.
You say you feel sorry for her but want to use her to get our own back on him.
You have videos of the two of you together that you are contemplating showing her if she asks. You won't delete them in case she wants to watch you and the father of her son having sex.

I think you need to sit in a dark room for a while and consider what is making you step so far away from rational, adult behaviour.
This isn't a soap opera. You are not the centre of this.

Original poster
HurryUpWithTheWine · 04/06/2013 14:59

Why am I weird because If I was her I wouldn't believe my word but want to see the proof. He hasn't deleted them as I haven't seen him so he has no access to my phone.

Think this thread has reached it's limit and thanks for all the useful posts.

I'll go and be a crazy, mental, bunny boiling twat somewhere else.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 04/06/2013 15:04

Those videos are probably plasatered all over porn sites by now anyway!

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