I know I'll prob get a flaming...

[HurryUpWithTheWine]

Today I ended it with a guy I've been seeing for a while. Yes I was the OW and I know how awful my behaviour was. If you were his gf would you want to know? I'm torn and can't decide what's for the best. I know I'm a bitch and whatever else you want to throw at me...

Oh I know it's not all my fault he's the one with a gf and a child and things to wreck.

I doubt she'd believe me without the proof but at the same time I don't want to hurt her more than necessary. Yes I know I should have thought about all the implications before we started this and yes I know how stupid, naive, terrible, disgusting and immoral I am.

I just hope she gets out before having more kids or if she gives him another chance then is more aware of his past behaviour.

I would never gloat or anything about it or try and make excuses for myself to her as I know how awful I have been. I would just stick to the facts and if she wants to see the proof then I would send it.

You were shagging her partner just a few days ago - making plans for the future with him - and now you want to tell her all about it?

Do you actually know her? because you are acting as though you really, really loathe this woman.

Hurry, I agree with what you last wrote, give yourself some time to have a clear and cool head before proceeding.

Not sure your DH would feel the same way about that Mel ? (or your lovers DW for that matter !!)

I don't care what your motivation is but please tell her. From what you have said he isn't sorry so there is nothing to say he won't do it again. She needs to know some truths about the man she is building a life with.

Good luck x

I don't loathe this woman at all. Yes I was shagging her partner a few days ago. He kept on making excuses on why now wasn't the right time to leave and when he said he'd leave in a month and move in with me I got worried. I knew it would all be messy but I stupidly thought that he'd split and we'd have a gradual relationship and move in when we'd been together a decent amount of time. He got angry and I don't need a man child in my life.

I just feel she should know what he's capable of. He'll no doubt do the same and say if she finds out in 10 years, they could have a few more kids and she could have wasted some of the best years of her life on a twat.

OP - I think you are going to get bashed, repeatedly, on here for the affair in the first place.

FWIW - and I have been in your situation, many years ago - I wouldn't tell her. He sounds horrible in any case. Move on, and find someone nice who wants you, and is fully available to you.

I say that as a woman who's H had an affair. And I don't think he will do it again but even so it has changed the way I see him and I am a more careful, less naive person as a result. I don't like being that way but it's safer. Let her be safer too.

Do you know her then?

I think its too soon. You have had a massive turn-around in just a couple of days. Yesterday you wanted him to leave her. Today you want her to leave him. I know you feel your motivations are genuine but it doesn't come across.

I'm a bit confused by your posts, love.

At the start of this thread you said you were dumping him because you'd realised he was never going to leave and that you were just his bit on the side.

Now you're saying he said he would leave but only if he could live with you.

So are you saying the offer to leave was a bluff because he knew you wouldn't let him move in straight away? That he was relying on you saying 'No way!' ?

My prediction - he will be back in your bed by weekend

What reaction do you expect from his Dp?

A thankyou? like another poster said you have hurt her once by taking part in the affair, now you want to hurt her even more , well you nwant to hurt your ex through her don't you?

He didn't use you if you knew he had a gf, you willingly took part in an affair.

You both began the affair when she had just given birth?

Jesus christ

Oh i know octopus. Of course she won't say thank you and will no doubt hate me. She'll prob think I'm a bitch of the highest order for tempting her perfect boyfriend.

I know I have hurt her once, but surely the lack of remorse on his side says a lot? I know I was the bit on the side, he was having his cake etc but give it a month or so he'll no doubt be at it again. I'd probably hate the OW if it was me but once I'd processed it I'd like to think that I'd be glad I'd have been told the truth. Yes it might tear her life apart or it might give her the escape she needs. Surely it's best to know earlier rather than later?

He did always have an excuse and the. When pressed he said he'd leave if he could move in with me. He got angry when I said that would t be happen inch so he wanted to carry on as we were. That's when I ended it.

I have met her a couple of times but I don't know her.

No octopus it has been going on for about 3 months...

Sounds like you want to punish him by dropping this bombshell on their relationship.

That said, I would want to know. I leave it to you. I have no advice. Just horrified.

Please going forward, chose someone available to start with.

I dunno i can see her maybe wanting to know about her bf's activites so she can make choice.

However you may not come out of this well, in her shoes after having the brass neck to confess the affair..now its convinient for you in such a brazen n cruel way, I would definitely looking ti humilate and shame you can her bf in a very public way.

• be looking to humilate

Oh I've learnt my lesson and she could humiliate me if she so wished. I would deserve it. Just knowing him he's already lining up the next one. I'll leave it a while and see what happens.

How come you met her?

If I were her I would want to know, I don't know if she would believe you, depends on how good his lying skills are I guess. It's not your place and yeah it was a very stupid thing to do tbh.

I was almost tempted when I was married but some responsibility kicked in. I wonder why everyone doesn't have that it would make life a whole lot easier tbh.

We used to work together and met at a couple of functions a few years ago. She probably wouldn't believe me without the proof that I have. I have videos of us having sex and thousands of texts.

She'll prob think I'm a bitch of the highest order for tempting her perfect boyfriend.

Unlikely. You'd have to have a very low opinion of women to think they are all that stupid. I've never met a woman who thinks her shagger bloke was perfect and it was all the OW's fault. But yes, she'll have a very low opinion of you which is understandable, because your behaviour towards a woman who's just given birth was really bad.

It sounds like he was playing you, really. He probably knew you wouldn't let him move in and so wanted to pass the blame for him not leaving on to you, even though he had no intention of leaving his family.

But honestly, you aren't proposing to dump this on her out of any concern for her future. Really you aren't. Nothing's got worse for her since you ended it. Her immediate future was even more threatened while you were shagging her bloke - and you weren't concerned for her then.

You'd be doing this to punish him for not loving you enough to leave. I'd guess that stings and hurts right now. That even a crap man doesn't want you. If you've had a bad or non-existent relationship with your dad, this might really fuck you up for a while.

Go and see a counsellor to help with that and to find out why you got into this in the first place. Then you'll learn to swerve relationships and men like this in the future.

Oh yeah of course I'm hurt for him not leaving. It makes total sense why he won't though. It'll hurt for a while but it'll pass, like him.

I have a great relationship with my dad and the couple of long term relationships I've had have ended amicably.

Just seen your last post. Does he have any photos or videos available to upload to the internet with his face obscured?