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Original poster

DP will not do any housework. Nothing can move him. what can I do?

372 replies

housework · 02/06/2013 09:31

DP has never done house work. Trying to get him to do it causes me immense stress as there are battles of words which are water off a duck's back to him but maker my heart beat and make me upset and frustrated.
We have moved to a larger house which now magnifies the issue.the conversation this morning went some thing like this:

Me: Now we've moved I really need yo to he as well he house is too big for just me to do.

Him: I told you we shouldn't have moved if you can't cope.

Me: I can cope but it's a fair and logical point that we support each other and share the housework.

Him: Oh I know why you're saying this, something to do with the toilet this morning.

Me: It's nothing to with anything except wanting to share the housework.

Him: I mowed the lawn yesterday.

Me: I'm talking about day to day housework.

Him: Is there something particular you want me to do?

Me: No I want to our to share the housework.

Him: don't ask me now. Why have you chosen now? Its because of the toilet isn't it.

Me: when is the time to ask? I don't want to ask. OK I want you to help with with the housework.

I can't believe I'm having this conversation again. He will not get a cleaner as I should do it all on my 2 days off.this man is highly respect d at work for his logic, ability to solve problems, see do afferent points of view etc but at home he can be an intractable pig. Anyone else think I can get him to share? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:17

At risk of being controversial here, how big is your house if you cannot go top to bottom in 2 days off. If he is the main earner then it stands to reason you cannot go headlong in and spend money and if you only work 3 days a week unless you have a 10 bedroom house I cannot see why you cannot do it in your days off. He mows the lawns maybe get him to do the bins and recycling as he is "better" !! at it but really is it that hard to do a bit of housework? I only work 2 hours less that my husband each day but I do a majority of the housework, he will do a job if I ask but never as good as me anyway so I would sooner him not bother.

badinage · 03/06/2013 20:26
Fairenuff · 03/06/2013 20:29

Face Palm

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 03/06/2013 20:30

Your username is well chosen

Fairenuff · 03/06/2013 20:31

Tall on one of these type of threads a while back a woman posted that her husband couldn't operate the washing machine because his fingers were too large for the fiddly buttons.

So, there you go, you are excused from any more laundry forthwith Grin

Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:34

Well how rude! I do get a little tired of every woman on here with the slightest issue in their relationship being told to "leave him". "tell him how it is going to be or he walks". No wonder we have so much divorce in this country, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman asking if she can spend money and doing a majority of the housework if she has time. If he is in charge of the finances then he decides if they have a cleaner. It really is too much to tell a woman to leave her husband because she wants him to do a few jobs and he won't

motherinferior · 03/06/2013 20:34

What was he - a gorilla?

peteypiranha · 03/06/2013 20:35

God some people are doormats. Glad Im married to someone who loves and respects me and doesnt treat me as a complete mug.

motherinferior · 03/06/2013 20:35

Noidea - you are joking, aren't you? Please?

Lweji · 03/06/2013 20:38

That was a reverse post, right, Noideas? :)

Of course man's fingers are too big for those fiddly buttons, that's why you don't see men using computer keyboards or blackberrys.
Oh, wait...

edam · 03/06/2013 20:39

Noidea, are you trying to be funny?

There is something very wrong when a grown adult is too bone idle to do any housework. He's not a hotel guest and the OP is not his maid. he is not a baby and the OP is not his Mummy. They both work (and housework and childcare are work too).

Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:39

If you are referring to me I take offence at that remark, just because I do most of the housework and run any large spends by the main household breadwinner and the controller of finances as he does me, I am not a doormat and my husband loves cares and respects me we don't argue, we just both get on with our respective jobs, he gets pissed off if he has to do unpaid overtime and I get pissed off if the house is really messy but we get on with it and don't waste our precious time worrying about what other people do and whether I am missing out on the bathroom being cleaned for me.

peteypiranha · 03/06/2013 20:40

Cause you dont argue its because your being a doormat

badinage · 03/06/2013 20:40

But I thought that having a vagina meant that women are naturally better at understanding the technology of the buttons on washing machines, cookers, dishwashers - oh and our sense of smell is better for all those children's shitty bottoms? And that having a penis meant that only men could work lawnmowers and wheelie bins, but strangely - no other appliance or household object?

No?

Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:41

How do you know that from a few posts you and most others on this site are constantly man hating and it really gets me.

tallwivglasses · 03/06/2013 20:43

Cheers, Fairenough Grin Now...how to get out of floor-mopping...

I too would love to know how to do all the housework/home and family management in 2 working days (and fuck all the rest of the time). Noidea and the others haven't come back to explain Confused

motherinferior · 03/06/2013 20:43

What's 'man hating' about expecting men to do housework?

Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:44

Get off mumsnet and your backside and just get on with it!

LaSingeEstSurLaBranche · 03/06/2013 20:45

My husband was exactly like this. Wouldn't have a cleaner. Expected everything clean and tidy as he was F/T and I was P/T. That is why our Decree Nisi is granted next Wed. It just breeds resentment over time in my experience.

badinage · 03/06/2013 20:45

Yep, the posts that depict men as complete idiots who can't piss into the toilet bowl - and can't be expected to clean up after themselves afterwards, are especially man-hating.

As are the posts that suggest treating adult men like dogs or little boys who need 'training'. Very man-hating, those.

Down with the man-haters, I say.

Noideaaboutanything · 03/06/2013 20:46

Mother, that is not man hating, it is actually telling a woman to leave her husband because he only mowed the lawns last week and she had to do everything else Jesus, if you all spent as much time getting on with those jobs you all hate so much you wouldn't have time to moan about it!

QuintessentialOldDear · 03/06/2013 20:48

Noidea, how would you deal with your husband deliberately pissing on the ring, on the floor daily, and gleefully expecting you to wipe up after him, to ensure your young daughter dont sit down in it?

Lweji · 03/06/2013 20:49

Actually I agree with Noideas.
Breadwinner, sahpartner asking to spend money, doing ALL the work.

Now, be a dear and explain it to my exH. :D

MousyMouse · 03/06/2013 20:49

isn't half term over now Confused
or are ffj bored atm?

Lweji · 03/06/2013 20:51

Get off mumsnet and your backside and just get on with it!

Also useful to exH, except I don't think he did MN.

I love you noideas. :D