It appears ive been dumped - again.

[samethingdifferentman]

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

It IS a zoo...I once went on a date with a man who LOOKED like a homo sapien but was, in actual fact, an octopus....

I expect there are a few knuckle draggers out there too

I agree OP, I wouldn't give a crap what he thought of me! He's obviously a wanker and you have has a lucky escape!

You are perfectly entitled to feel a bit disappointed it didn't pan out as you hoped. Some men don't know a good catch when it's slapped them round the face.

Plenty more fish in the sea

wowsers, thats the point though, there isnt plenty more fish in the sea, velvets summary a few pages back and any fuckers zoo comment pretty much sum it up. Its not great out there.

Thanks for updating OP.

You've had a bloody lucky escape there. What an utter wanker!

It's a real shame you can't leave feedback on these dating sites. Women need to be warned about this twat.

I have actually just reported him, if only because he told me he has fake profiles as women, to get men to talk to him because he finds it funny.

Good for you

Is he a closet cross dresser ? Ask him that.

Somebody asked up thread if anyone knew if any success with online dating.

In my NCT class of 7 women, 2 had met their husbands online.

I have been to two weddings where the couples met through OD.

At the last wedding I went to (not an OD couple)the married couple sat next to me and my husband had met online and she was now heavily pregnant.

One of my friends is now living with a man she met online.

These are all nice normal people.

But for every couple who have had sucess, there are 100's if not 1000's that have not.

Who are also nice, normal people :)

Obviously. My point was to try and offer some hope and counter the opinion from some that the only people who use OD have something inherently wrong with them.

My husband has plenty wrong with him. The fact that I met him online is incidental only kidding, I love him very much.

My attitude when OD-ing was that I am nice, normal, and not insane, ergo, there must be others like me. Took a year of boring, dull, and occasionally utterly fucking surreal dates to find him, admittedly.

Liking your attitude though, OP. Bully for you.

I've done OD off and on for a few years now. Met up with and dated some shockers. Had a good laugh at the arrogance of several profiles "no single mothers, I'm not a meal ticket" "no fatties please" etc.
Just recently got talking to a lovely, intelligent, funny, interesting guy. Messaged back and forth, I suggested a drink and he vanished. No reply, nothing, even though he's been online regularly. I was really surprised!
It really is a bloody minefield.

You just can never tell, not really until you have had a few dates. I have had some SHOCKING dates, far worse than this one.

Its partially why i get frustrated at the blame being laid at the womens door, its rarely her fault, but normally that the man has some different agenda, other than actually dating.

Feedback would be a really good idea - you could make it like EBay so very basic but it might kick out done of the time wasters. Both parties could provide the feedback.

Beyond a mechanism to report the abusive liars, feedback is a horrible idea. I don't want someone quibbling over how much weight I may or may not have gained since my profile picture was taken.

Look, this isn't supposed to be easy. Genuine attraction and connection is a rare and wonderful thing. That's why it's so bloody exciting when it does happenand why monogamy has any hope of working.

People ask whether OD ever works? Define works. I know of several couples who have met and married through OD, which seems to be the default benchmark of success. (And interestingly men seem to have much more success in progressing to relationships if that's what they want). But why should it be? Others have had longish relationships. Others have had lots of fun one night stands. For some, it really is online dating and not online marriage arrangement. Does meeting people in a pub "work", does a sports club "work", the office? OD is one tool in the toolkit.

And for that I do think something quite controversial: If someone has done OD for years and it not worked, they have presumably also been out and about in real life and that hasn't "worked" either. That doesn't necessarily say anything negative about them a large part of my brain still believes all the eligible straight men married at 25, but it does say OD is not the sole fault. And I say that as a deeply single person.

Nice and normal is overblown as a defence mechanism. Are you nice and normal? I'm not. We all have baggage, we all have quirks that are loveable to some and repulsive to others. I'm not a raving loon, but I know I have a way of engaging with people that just isn't going to work with lots of men, interests that bore many, etc, etc. What's that quote? We are a little weird and sometimes we meet someone who is weird like us and call it love? I paraphrase hugely, but the point is most people are not going to be your significant other. It's very likely that Mrsdigitalbunny's husband who she met online is the same freak that Msfrustratedsurfer posted about in the dating thread two years ago. Horses for courses.

I don't believe in the one but I do believe in the not many. Therefore if you increase the number of people you meet (which at the end of the day is all OD can do for you), you're massively expanding the number of people you meet who were not the one.

Although there are freaks out there so for godsake have boundaries, a thick skin and a good radar.

To cheer you up, OP and fellow ODers, here is a delightful message I've just received...

Hi,
I just came across your profile (not literally haha, well maybe a little bit haha :p) and thought you sound really fun. Would love to get to know you a bit better.
Im really open to trying new things and can have a very kinky mind at times. I'll give anything a try at least once or twice if its good haha. I have been compared to Christian Grey in the past not sure if thats good or bad haha I would say Im much kinkier from what I have heard though. Have you read the books?
What are you into?
If you fancy chatting get in touch.

XXX

PS I am also into amateur photography if you ever fancied posing for some pictures? I dont charge and pictures are kept totally confidential

What a twat

Christ, who ARE these people? Both the OP's and Stuffez's. Are they just walking around in the streets like normals and there's no way of telling that they are completely out of their tree?

Pretty much :)

IF you are lucky, if they are weird they show they are weird by sending weird messageske stuffez's.

IF you are less lucky, you dont find out they are weird until you have met ( am reminded of the one i had coffee with who thought it was appropiate to tell me he liked having sex with grannies), or until you are a few dates in.

which is why there are usually quite a few dating threads i think, because people wrongly assume that most people are ok and are looking for a relationship, when actually its the opposite that tends to be true.

I'd say that email is fairly typical of the messages you can expect via OD. I've had a fair few worse than that - a personal favourite was one which said 'I like fat slags like you' ...in RL there are very few man who would dare to say stuff like this, but because its on a dating site, and virtual communication all manners and any veneer of niceness goes out the window.

It's rather like the way people post abusive comments on people's websites, blogs etc. Just all rather unpleasant and depressing. I only hope things work out with the man I'm dating (who is lovely) because I have no desire to go back to OD and open myself up to that sort of abuse, rudeness and general weirdness ever again!

at the "fat slags like you" comment. Awful. Why did he say that?!

Velvet, I'm also shocked at that message, I had a few dodgy ones myself, but nothing SO offensive.

With the new Zero Tolerence rules on POF, that kind of stuff would mean permanent exclusion for tossers like him. In fact, if you've still got that message, I'd be tempted to report him.

It's the reason I've left POF, all the men I allowed myself to become close to (in a cyber/texting/phonecall sense) turned out to be vile and despicable, for the most part.

Velvet, I hope things work out for you, sounds like you deserve someone decent, as we all do .

oops TolerAnce.

I've had a profile on various OD sites, for their 'reduced price limited period offer' and it's resulted in nothing - lots of ignored messages, some messages that led nowhere/vanished, a couple of coffee dates with men who were older/shorter/duller than their profiles... I was thinking about sticking a profile on POF because its free, but I don't think I'll bother - it seems very unlikely that the kind of man I'd like to meet will have a POF profile. And in response to stuffez' horrified 'why did he say that?' - as someone said up thread, it's because he can, with no fear of reprisals. OD seems to have spawned a new world of rude and unpleasant behaviour - where will it end?