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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 29/05/2013 22:57

Ange and anyone else who thinks the OP should take a break/work on her self esteem because it must be her fault, OD doesn't exclude RL dating, having a life etc so if suitable RL were appearing I doubt whether the OP wouldn't be doing OD Confused

MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 22:57

Seriously OP, do not put yourself in this position: 'i could not leave, i was 25 miles away from home, in the middle of knowhere, with no public transport and no phone signal' - that's crazy. If he speaks to everyone like that, then ever more reason to stay away. As for him coming in to use your loo - after speaking to you like that, I would have pointed him to the nearest lamp-post.

DoctorAnge · 29/05/2013 22:57

I doubt things will change if you dont but I really hope you meet someone that feels for you what you do for them. Good luck.

DoctorAnge · 29/05/2013 22:59

I agree MOM.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:02

Im sorry, but this is really not my fault.

I am not responsible for his behaviour and dumped him when he behaved badly.

I was in a public place with him, nothing was going to happen, it was just very very rural. Why would i not get in a car with somone i had been dating for 6 or so weeks.

just out of interest ange, what could i do differently then? how would you go about things to ensure you were never dumped or met someone who wasnt who you thought they were?

OP posts:
Selba · 29/05/2013 23:10

Samething I am scratching my head at why some people are trying to lay any blame at all on you.

DoctorAnge · 29/05/2013 23:16

Same I am not saying its all your fault. Of course it's not. But guys as extreme as this do give off vibes, maybe I'm very sensitive at picking up on them but I think you did notice and went ahead as you liked him a lot. Nothing wrong in this but it keeps happening and it's not nice. Try something different and just see if you get a different outcome. That's my advice. I certainly am not blaming you for this guys shitty personality!

MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 23:17

'Why would i not get in a car with somone i had been dating for 6 or so weeks' jeez - er, because he'd just told you he was a narcissistic, depressed, people hater? because he shagged and semi-dumped you? because he spoke to you like sh*t all evening.

How would I go about it? I would meet with someone for weeks and weeks, maybe months, before sleeping with him (not from a moral point of view necessarily, but from the point of view of not getting my fingers burnt). I would make sure I knew a lot about him by subtly asking him an awful lot of questions if we knew no-one in common, I would have made sure I had met his friends, I would make sure he had met my friends, I would have found out about his job, I would have looked at his Facebook page and actually taken notice of the fact he spoke to people like he did. I would look at the way he treated me - he treated you badly last week, and you still have him another chance.

MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 23:18

'still gave him another chance'.

I'm not saying it is your fault OP, I'm just saying that I think you could have taken more precautions to have avoided feeling so fed-up with him now.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:21

We were already at the place when all this came out . Please dont insult my inteligence by assuming i listen to all his shit then got in a car with him. Fucking hell!

OP posts:
MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 23:24

Sorry, I'm confused how he ended up in your house then?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:28

Because i had to get home else i would have been stranded!!

If he had come out with all this before then i wouldnt have seen him.

He needed a wee. Im not a cow so said he could have one. He then looked like he was falling asleep so i made him coffee and then chucked him out. It was 4pm in the afternoon not the middle of the night.

OP posts:
DoctorAnge · 29/05/2013 23:29

You said he was at your house at the end of the evening for coffee after you found all these horrendous things about him.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:29

Also mum of mix.... when was the last time you dated?

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:30

The afternoon. We went out in the daytime.

OP posts:
MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 23:32

So you did get in a car with him?

I would have given him a sharp kick - that would have woken him up Grin

Last time I dated was a long time ago, admittedly, but I don't think the human race has moved on that much in the last 16 years.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:34

Look. He was clearly having a bad day . He is depressed and under tge care of a doctor. He was behaving weirdly to how he had been before. I was concerned he might fall asleep or somethibg and didnt want that on my conscience so i gave him coffee and sent him on his way.

That is bot indixitive of me having poor self esteem

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/05/2013 23:37

same I suggest you go and do summat else for a while

this thread is getting weird, have no idea why people are badgering you into saying "yes, you are right, my self esteem must be as fucked as you say it is"

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:37

Mum of mix.

You would be shocked. Dating is now a very different game. Very different

I hadnt dated for 12 years when i started this. It is not inanyway like it was.

But your ' what i would do' demonstrates that. And also ignores any sexual need that i might have

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:40

I also think kicking someone would be assult........

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 29/05/2013 23:42

And if you expect a late 30:s man to wait months and months for sex. While you interogate all areas of his life to see if you deem him worthy of having access to yoyr vagina .... then you possibly live in a different era.

OP posts:
MumofMinx · 29/05/2013 23:50

ffs I was joking about the kicking.

I am not suggesting she has low self esteem AnyFucker.

8 weeks to find out if someone is a nutter - I don't think that is unrealistic. And yes, if he couldn't wait 8 weeks to have 'access to my vagina', as you put it, then yes, he could fuck off.

Anyhow, I'm leaving the thread. I wish you luck with your dating strategy.

McBalls · 29/05/2013 23:50

Just read all this and cheering you on in not accepting the billion reasons other posters created for his bad behaviour being your fault. Too right.

However, you've gone a tad loopy towards the end I think...there is no sane reason at all for you to have got in his car after lunch, certainly not to have then invited him for coffee!

It's not, IMO, about safety - plenty of wankers with no murderous inclinations but about self respect, the man just sat and picked you apart and you invite him back for coffee!

It's not even that big a deal, it's done, whatever but you're so insistent of all the perfectly valid reasons for you to have done this, I just find it...odd.

You really, honestly don't think there was anything strange about your reaction?

DoctorAnge · 29/05/2013 23:51

What is wrong with a guy or woman waiting months for sex until the person you like is comfortable? I think these internet jokers just want a quick shag, from the stories I hear...I would leave well alone.

Changeasgoodas · 29/05/2013 23:59

I know a man who does a lot of this disappearing (I would call it disappearing rather than dumping), he admits that he is massively insecure and sure that the woman will have come away with negative thoughts about him/ his willy after they get intimate, so he just lives in a constant fantasy world of courtship and running away after sex. I'd wager there are a lot of these types about online, as well as those who just dislike women and want to feel powerful by dropping them, and those who just want casual relationships but are too cowardly to say so and play a ridiculous game.