This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

[JulietteMontague]

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

Ah well when I met the Translator (and the Dane) she said something like she was 'seeing' him. Not 'this is my boyfriend' - a distinction there, not sure how significant.

I'm not going to get all emotionally invested. Real Life dating can kick you in the teeth as well as OD - it's just that if you have friends in common you can ask them their opinion and people are less likely to completely vanish as they'll be seen as rude by mutual people.

We'll just see how it goes. I'm not going to start playing games back, if she's free, I'd like to see her. If she's not I'll let her know I'd like to, and leave it up to her. There's a fine line between being sweetly persistent and stalking.

Crazy toni has arrived. Haha. My friend (unknown to him) just messaged him on Pof to see whether he replied and how he was getting on. Response 'met a few interesting people but none I've really clicked with'. Grr.

That response was in a longer message btw

Tony step away from the keyboard . So, he is still fishing after saying he wasn't

Oh Toni that is a bit pants. Looks like he's keeping his options open then. Having said that, it's still early days so feelings could grow. The click isn't always an instant thing.

What do you feel about meeting up with him tomorrow?

I think going on my own experience, and conversations with friends, the click is more of an instant thing for men than women. Things can grow with friends, but with dating you feel it or you don't. If you don't you can try and convince yourself things might grow but they rarely do.

Then if you're cynical you may see if you can get a shag out of it

Did he say he's come off the site or just that he wasn't seeing anyone else? Maybe he just goes on the site to read messages and doesn't see this as fishing as he's not looking/actively messaging first? Sophistry I know but I think that's quite common, have met a few people who think this is okay as it's only good manners to reply or just log in to read their messages out of curiosity.

Bad to worse. Just gave her his number (already) in case she wants to go out some time. If he wants to keep his options open why not just say? Then at least I would do the same. So I am arranging dates with those I've been putting off because of him. Prob still see him tomorrow, but only for the fun of it as its clearly going nowhere! Hey ho. Think I may bring up the fact over decided to date others too though, so he doesn't feel clever, or is that petty?

Oh and he said he was only dating me, not that he was coming off the site.

Toni he sounds like a rat. Do you really want the stress in your life? You deserve more than that.

Am I not overreacting given its oy been 4 dates?

Toni I don't think I'd bother seeing him if you're looking for something longer term, but he's probably fine for a bit of fun. Giving out his number is definitely trying to date. That was very fast work on his part! I think you could end up getting hurt here, might be best to put a stop to it before it goes any further.

The irony is that on our profiles I'm looking for 'dating nothing serious' and he's looking for long term.

Think I will utilise him for now on a casual basis til someone better comes along (already organising date with someone else) and ensure I dont emotionally invest in him, which should be easy given hes a player.

He offered up he information that he wasn't dating anyone else, That may have been technically true at the time but it's hardly in the spirit of openness. He also either lied to her or you in suggesting he hadn't met anyone he's clicked with. Then the phone number. It does sound like you'd always be on the back foot with this one, if you feel slightly insecure anyway from past experience then sooner or later this man's behaviour is going to make you really doubt yourself. No amount of fun can be worth that.

Hello, can I join? Recently started OD and had my first date last Thursday. Thought he was nice and he seemed keen, but he hasn't initiated any contact since a text asking if I got home OK. I sent him a couple of messages earlier in the week and he responded, but in a closed rather than conversational fashion IYSWIM.

Now feel like if I contact him again I'm looking a bit desperate, but I wonder if he's unsure about making further contact for the same reason. He did seem quite shy when we met so I don't think that's completely ridiculous. Aaargh!

Hello Loris and welcome! Good stuff getting the first date out of the way - it all gets easier the more practice you get. I'm not sure that this man is right for you. If it were me, I wouldnt contact him again and wouldn't waste any more mental energy on him. It would probably be better to get a couple more dates set up and look for someone who isn't backward at coming forward.

Definitely glad to get the first one done, my legs were shaking with nerves.

I think you're probably right, and in fact after the date I was thinking I wasn't that into him. The problem is that a few weeks in he's the first one that I've been able to have a proper conversation with. I find myself really put off by badly written messages, but maybe I should give them a chance?

It doesn't help that I've been effectively single for nearly two years. I sound desperate because I am!

(OWW he did call me a 'clever girl' again - oh my good god )

Loris I know what you mean about poorly written messages being a turn off, there are two schools of thought, the one that says you wouldn't know if he knew the difference between 'you're' and 'your' if you met him in a bar so you should cut him some slack, or the school I fall into ( I like to think of it as the 'Sad Act Pedant' school ) where you can feel your sexual interest waning with each lol.

You're not desperate, you're discerning and insouciant, tell yourself this until you believe it.

To be honest Loris I really don't think that good messaging/ texting necessarily translates into a spark or anything special when you meet. In fact, it can even be a bit counterproductive as you feel that you know the person, then when you actually meet they're not like that at all.

I'd meet up with someone who wasn't particularly good at messaging if they seemed decent. I think it's a bit of a numbers game, you just don't know who you will have chemistry with so just crack on and meet them. You really never know!

I was single for eighteen months before I started dating so I can really sympathise. Just take it steady and remember the thread rules. Loads of good luck and do keep posting.

Hello all, I am officially a zombie. Moved premises today after the most awful arseache and headache of a week with poorly DD and one thing after another and then being ill myself yesterday

all went very well except we have no water. so no loo and more importantly no coffee

nearly nearly nearly nearly there though! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it definitely isn't a train.

Loris I agree with OWW about texting etc

Well done on the move, Lubey!
Hope the water gets sorted soon.

Congrats Lubey the woman who can stop smoking, loose weight, fit in a few shags, deal with poorly DC and move premises

Kin are you staying at Terry's?

Loris one of the myths about OD is that you will meet attractive people who are funny, can dress themselves, hold a decent conversation, are generally likable and don't have some deal breaking affliction you've never even thought about. Most of the time it's not like that. Most of the time you'll meet perfectly nice people who are just not right for you romantically and so you move on to the next. As has been said here many times, if you keep going you only have to find one

Haha Juliette yep that's me thanks :o I seem to be stuck on 19lbs lost, the scary thing is though that 19lb loss has just got me back to where I was when I was horrified at my weight and started my 2009 or 2010 diet. oops. REALLY got to do it properly this time! No relapses, no yo-yo-ing. argh. 7 or 8 weeks now no smoking though so I am super happy :o

water should hopefully be sorted tomorrow then I work properly instead of having massive amounts of faff + work and hopefully have something resembling a life again and visit MN and the dating thread and everything.... woah! :o

Lois onwards and upwards. Once again the first date has - unsurprisingly - not turned out to be the one.

And for what it's worth I've found that the shy awkward types seem to be quickest about asking for a second date - but always from the safety of a text/email.

As others have said, you'll learn that a good connection over email can tell you little about how you'll click in person.

Morning everyone, big thread wave, < wishes I had Lubey's determination yet again >

Nah, I didn't stay at Showbiz's, he drove me back here last night after cooking my tea, he's a man of several talents.

Still don't fancy him, mind. I like him a lot. I'm having phases of worrying that this amounts to me using him, and I really, really don't want to do that. Why's it have to be so complicated ?