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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This is the dating thread 54, all welcome!

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 15/05/2013 23:36

All very welcome to share online and real life dating experiences.

OP posts:
RafaellaNhaKyria · 29/05/2013 02:08

Oh. My. Farking. Hell.

I've been merrily looking going through the "meet me" feature on POF clicking "maybe" on lots of them, yes on ONE and lots of no's. suddenly I'm getting all these profile views and my inbox just went kaboom! Full of messages.

I googled "what happens when you click maybe in meet me POF" and yes, ladies and gentlemen, straight from the site admin it says that "maybe" registers as "yes" and a notification is sent.

Why the flaming fuck have a yes disguised as a maybe? My face is red thinking of how many yes's I've just shot out into the cosmos unintentionally. Bastarding idiot meet me function!!! Aaaaaaaaaagh!

Pomegranatenoir · 29/05/2013 07:18

Raf don't worry you will never have to see these people if you do t want to. I use meet me when I am bored. Then I just get even more bored pressing no all the time!!

So today is a new day. Please dear god make it better than yesterday! And please make me smile at something. I was grump personified yesterday and I hate that!!

Pomegranatenoir · 29/05/2013 07:19

Oh and for the record I love ginger men. Love them!!

KinNora · 29/05/2013 07:46

Morning everyone,

I see I missed all the ginger love last night, my mum is a ginge and so's my brother (but he's a knob).

Ike lovely to see you around, you certainly have niche man taste , let us know how you get on with ZZ Top.

I'm supposed to be going out with Showbiz but I had a minor operation on my face yesterday (sadly not a face lift) and I'm sporting a black eye so I'm going to see how well I manage to camouflage it before I decide if I should cancel.

Have a fabulous day.

OhWesternWind · 29/05/2013 12:48

Ike my son is a lovely ginger and his ambition when he is older is to have long hair and a big beard so he will look like a Viking. Hmm. Might have to discourage this one . . . Hope the chat goes well!

There are a lot of gingers in my family and I have a touch of it myself - somewhere between blonde and ginger, depends on how the light falls (and which hair dye I have on Grin ) I love it.

Nora hope you are okay. Take it easy, even a minor op can knock it out of you a little bit especially if you are a bit sore. Don't worry about what you look like for Showbiz! Go if you want to, don't if you don't.

Raf it doesn't matter one little bit. Reply to the messages if they strike a chord with you, otherwise ignore and carry on!

I am quite getting to like the man for Saturday - really nice texts, nothing pushy, seems really genuine and normal. This is his first internet date (and he got me, poor sod) so maybe that is actually the case. Might need to nab him before he gets corrupted.

KinNora · 29/05/2013 13:44

I always say I'm a demi-ginger OWW with my hair going redder depending on various climatic circumstances.

I'm posting from Showbiz's sofa, he's wrapped me up in a blanket and gone out to Tesco to buy me something nice for lunch - gawd bless his Cockernee heart.

JulietteMontague · 29/05/2013 13:54

Kin there is something absolutely wonderful in a man who knows to do blankets and Tesco and can still make you scream laugh Grin.

OP posts:
Bant · 29/05/2013 14:06

I'm getting a bit annoyed with the Translator. After a great afternoon at the zoo, and a bit more messaging on FB, I've asked her to dinner tomorrow night. But she won't commit. She's probably ok for one or two drinks, maybe dinner, she doesn't know yet.

Now to me, that sounds like she kind of likes the idea but isn't sure and is waiting for a better offer from someone else. If nothing else comes up, she can make dinner. If something else comes up, only drinks or nothing at all.

I know the 'Rules' say that a man should do the chasing. The woman shouldn't make herself too available or the man will go off her. Whether she's consciously or unconsciously following them or not, I don't know. And I know a lot of people on here don't believe in them (although I think they're not a terrible idea, it does explain some behaviour and men and women are wired differently, after all)

But - it's beginning to annoy me. If someone is going to mess me around in order to pique my interest, it's going to piss me off and I'm going to go off her.

Saying she'd really like to see me but she has a work thing she doesn't know about yet (which she doesn't as she starts a new job next week) would be okay. But implying I'm one social option and she'll let me know on the morning of the date whether we're having dinner or not - that feels like I'm supposed to be pathetically grateful that she'd deign to have dinner with me. Which, as I said, just makes me want to move on to someone else who doesn't play games.

All may be well, we'll see how she acts tomorrow/tonight - but some of the shine has gone cos I feel like I'm being pissed around.

humph.

Scrazy · 29/05/2013 14:14

Bant, I don't think the rules thing is to deliberately piss a man off, it's more that you need to have a life without the guy so I doubt she is playing, more just busy with other stuff. If she was really into you she would make time, saying that. All you can do is ask and if she doesn't bend then leave it.

Going out for dinner tonight myself, although I've been busy with other things but have made time Grin.

Kin, sounding nice and cosy.

Snapespeare · 29/05/2013 14:21

bant maybe it's because she has a bf?! Hmm

I am sick to death of trying to find a holiday, I suspect it is akin to porn blindness, when one has seen an awful lot of Internet porn, one keeps looking for something 'better' i am led to suspect I need to step away from that bit of the Internet for a bit (holidays, not porn)

Have taken day off to spend time with DS1. He's still asleep in bed. I'm watching season ecclestone of doctor who and mainlining kitkats. :)

kin that sounds lovely. :)

Scrazy · 29/05/2013 14:29

Snape, it get exasperating after a while, doesn't it. I just ended up looking on line then ringing teletext holidays asking what the bottom line price is and booking something that way. Got a great deal on the flights and chose the accommodation so not a package as such as we make our own way in resort.

Toni2710 · 29/05/2013 14:35

Hi all! Havent been on in a good few days so havent been able to catch u[p, but hope everyone is good.

I am starting to hate this OD nonsense! Had a 3rd date with hotguy on fri, dtd, saw him again on sun, where he mentioned he was looking to settle down and was only dating me. Excellent. Seeing him again tomorrow eve. Why though, does he keep going back on POFand why has he just added a girl from POF to FB? I can feel the jealousy brewing and Ive only seen him 4 times! Crazy. Its not that I particularly mind if he is dating others, id just rather know, so i can do the same without feeling guilty. But then again, maybe im just mad :-s I know im totally overthinking this but i cant stop. Damn you, stupid cheating ex!

Scrazy · 29/05/2013 14:41

Oh Toni, sounds like he is saying one thing and doing another, unless he has added the fb friends as he is coming off POF. Don't invest too much in this one, you could try and leave it for a week to see him again.

Bant · 29/05/2013 15:10

You're right, Snape, it could be because she's waiting to see if her Danish bloke is going to take her to dinner or something.

That makes me feel much better about the situation... Confused

Scrazy · 29/05/2013 15:13

Bant, I forgot about the Dane, is he still on the scene? If so, she might be waiting.

Bant · 29/05/2013 15:16

Dunno if he is or not. She hasn't told me anything about him - mentioned him when we were at the zoo but only in the context of friends..

Snapespeare · 29/05/2013 15:27
Blush
OhWesternWind · 29/05/2013 15:36

Are you being a good girl Nora?

Bant I think there is a big difference by being a bit Rulesy and not making yourself available seven nights a week, and keeping someone dangling in case a better offer comes along.

If I were you, I'd say that as it looks like she's busy then you had better cancel, play the game back a bit yourself maybe, don't let her jerk you around and show her that you are worth better.

OhWesternWind · 29/05/2013 15:42

Toni maybe you should just ask him what the situation is. It wouldn't seem strange as he's already raised the subject and it's as well to get these things clear if you think there is a possibility things might develop.

Do you want to carry on dating other people?

SweetSeraphim · 29/05/2013 16:14

Thing is, Bant, if she's got a bf, you're not going to be high enough on her list of priorities anyway, are you?

T2710 · 29/05/2013 16:35

OWW, I'm just wary of appearing clingy/needy. Im quite texty and he isnt (he said when we met he wasnt much of a texter) so am already trying to reign that in. I think i might see how tom night goes and perhaps mention it then. When were with each other we have a lovely time, were very touch feely, he holds my hands kisses me etc. Is 5th date too soon to be talking exclusivity?

i dont particularly want to date others, i really like him, but if hes dating others still then i think i would like to too so i know were both on the same page, IYKWIM?

I think its all boiling down to my insecurities - thinking, why would he want to be with me :-s

T2710 · 29/05/2013 16:38

Bant, I def think you need to know more about the bf situation. If she is with him you're never going to get what you want :-(

JulietteMontague · 29/05/2013 16:55

Bant it sounds to me like she is either a) waiting to see whether the bf is out of the way so she's free b) waiting to see if the bf is available or c) flakey. I would do what OWW suggests and when she contacts you tonight just turn it around. Regardless, if she is interested she should make time for you. It is vair annoying though.

Tony some people just add any randoms to fb, or she could have initiated it and he accepted. You have had a cheating ex so will be wary of course, but most men don't cheat. If you want to raise it, do so but I wouldn't mention the adds on fb as it's difficult not to appear stalkerish (not that you are).

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 29/05/2013 17:00

toni also, I've kept in friendly contact with a date or two from OKC, who are on my fb, they're lovely folk, who weren't quite 'right' relationship wise...they're on my fb because I'm not on dating sites anymore. There certainly isn't anything flirty going on. :)

T2710 · 29/05/2013 17:39

God no I'd never mention the fb thing. The only reason I am actually aware of it is because I have. A friend in common with her and it showed up on my wall.

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