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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
Scrazy · 15/05/2013 15:20

I don't like Dr Who.

Snapespeare · 15/05/2013 15:21

we absolutely can talk about the DW season finale - I am very excited about this and full of theories and spoilers.

Matt Smith has shaved off all of his hair and has removed himself from my celebrity-lift list. I am fickle.

JoylessFucker · 15/05/2013 15:29

I think there is a huge gulf between initiating contact, texting (or ringing) first and putting your life on hold for a man. I would never do the latter, nor do I believe those on here advocating non-Rules behaviour would either.

I agree that most men like women who aren't (or won't become) needy or overly dependant upon them (with the obvious exception of those who are seeking to control for one reason or another). I know that someone on here mentioned that being unavailable for too long can interrupt the flow of dating to such an extent that it stops altogether, but I still hold with the concept that you don't dump your friends for a man (or woman). I've seen far too many independent and (otherwise) sorted women put their social lives on hold. I get that they've "in love" but still. For any relationship to flourish, it is necessary to make time for it which means that - inevitably - you will be less available to some of the people you spent time with before. Vastly different, however, to refusing to make any plans "in case" or cancelling plans already made. Respect - both for yourself and for your friends is key surely.

As for the liking (or not) of successful women. I would say few men aren't intimidated by an uber successful woman. Even uber successful men aren't interested. They have a busy and complex life, so they want someone smart, attractive, intelligent, witty, capable etc etc ... BUT who doesn't have a life/career that will clash with their uber successful man.

Lastly, age, does make a difference. In my age bracket (I'm 56) you get those who are very old fashioned and like to do "man stuff", those who think its all nonsense game-playing and those who love the game playing. So, that middle group is a small one and you have to seek them out (as Bant suggests) not to control them but to draw their attention to you.

MsCellophane · 15/05/2013 15:30

There was a very long thread all about how V could change her approach - and it was all bullshit as there was nothing to change

And yes to change the subject, of course - can't have any proper discussion on here anymore. Thread is full of loved ups and no real daters and one peacock

It's a shame as this used to be a great thread

JoylessFucker · 15/05/2013 15:32

Bugger! Since when did I become such a slow typist that the conversation had moved on before I posted ...

Brew and as you were

JoylessFucker · 15/05/2013 15:33

Matt Smith has shaved off his hair?? Hugh Jackman wouldn't let us down in that way.

Would he ....?

Bant · 15/05/2013 15:34

I've heard he gets the Tardis camouflage unit working again, just in time for him to be riding a flying sleigh in the Christmas special..

KinNora · 15/05/2013 15:41

A brief pop in from me, after a ginormously crap day at work. (I need to know what the Dr Who spoilers are and am prepared to google).

Still getting emails from Talent Show, hmmmmmm, what is he up to ? I frightened off an American gentleman on okc yesterday who couldn't cope with a bit of healthy joshing and Showbiz had a health scare yesterday which saw him admitted to A&E and has made me worried about the possibility of him keeling over while on the job

MsC -there's debate on the thread when they're needs to be, I find it all very useful and supportive, and lacking in some of the unpleasant and pointless controversy that has been a feature in the past.

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 15:47
  • Thread is full of loved ups and no real daters and one peacock

It's a shame as this used to be a great thread
*
ohh that was harsh
and are you going to name the 'peacock' MrsC?

KinNora · 15/05/2013 15:55

'They're' !!! Oh my god, the day must have been worse than first thought, it's stolen my spelling. 'There'. I have appalled myself.

ike1 · 15/05/2013 15:58

Im v confused have we not been doing just that...ie debating...ie laying out one's point of view with a degree of diplomacy....arguing is a different thing altogether.

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 15:59

Peacock Grin I quite like to hear from a guy who is having a good deal of success on OD.

Dismissing opinions that differ to your own as bullshit/bollox isn't really debating is it?

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 16:06

I wish there were more men posting on here, because it really is handy to get the perspective of the other gender:)

Bant · 15/05/2013 16:09

Oh was the peacock me? Sorry, I wasn't aware I was being pea-cocky.

Bant · 15/05/2013 16:14

Ah well. Anyway. Tonight the Teetotal has cancelled - or at least postponed to the end of the month - and I'm going to an expat thing. I shall be sure to show them my brightest and most colourful feathers whilst there.

And because many of them are in their 20s, I'll be sure to be as condescending as humanly possible and dismiss all of their opinions.

Oh.. wait.

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 16:14

You're not bant

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 16:20

he isnt Bant??
are you saying he is an impostor KirstyShock

KinNora · 15/05/2013 16:23

I wish there were more men posting on here, because it really is handy to get the perspective of the other gender - absolutely agree, Mercury.

KirstyWirsty · 15/05/2013 16:25

Another post snuck in .. I meant bant isn't being pea-cocky

I too value the male perspective on here

ALittleStranger · 15/05/2013 16:27

I go on loads of dates but I don't post a run down of each as I'm irrationally paranoid about being spotted by a date. a lot of people read Mumsnet for fun around my parts. I also don't have kids so always feel a bit fraudulent posting anyway. But I get a lot out of lurking, even if I don't agree with what everyone says or does. I also wish we had more peacocks posting, or men as I prefer to call them It's a useful perspective!

JulietteMontague · 15/05/2013 16:31

Bant has a double? who knew Shock That is going to be some plummage then.

Fwiw I like the thread as it is now, which is supportive, non judgemental and tells it like it is when necessary without any of the rancor which has occurred in the past. But then I would like it, as I suspect I may be one of the loved up and therefore not a proper dater it's only been 40ish first dates without even a hint of a kiss unless you include sexual assault so I really am pushing my luck in being happy about it, soz.

Scrazy · 15/05/2013 16:31

Mercury Grin

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 16:36

I like the thread, it has sections that I just cant relate to so I tend to keep quiet then.

I would like to place myself firmly out of the 'loved up' category
I am in the 'deeply confused conflicted and tortured' category
I guess it's just my default setting:o

mercury7 · 15/05/2013 16:37

of course I would love to be loved up, but there ya go!

Bant · 15/05/2013 16:37

The nice thing about this thread is that everyone is welcome. Men, women, parents or not. Single or not, in fact, as everyone has some experience and can offer advice.

There have been times when it's got pissy and judgemental, and to be honest that put a couple of the other guys off. It's really quite difficult to keep calmly posting when people are either calling all men knobs, making sweeping judgements about all men or telling us off for expressing our own opinions on things.

We can disagree, of course. We can debate, great. But name-calling and derision really isn't very nice.