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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 12:16

Juliette thank you so much for that. Really. I think the problem is I've just had an awful lot to cope with in the last couple of months - LM, the big do with my mum, my old cat being put down and now this with Titto and the money and his blooming mum and sister is just the last straw. I know we'll be okay but it is just a bad time at the moment.

I know he will be gloating about "getting one over on me" financially rather than thinking on the impact this will have on the children.

I'm actually devastated for the children. He was violent and emotionally abusive towards them, really foul, has had no contact with them for over two years - how the hell are they going to feel when I tell them he has another baby? Old kids are a dead loss so try again with another one (or two). My dd in particular will take this really hard I know. Am considering not telling them but that would be so dishonest and it would all come out at some point.

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 12:19

Actually, he really dislikes children, even though he pretends otherwise, or at least the inconvenience that comes along with having them. So I don't think that his life is actually very rosy at all at the moment even though I'm sure he's pretending it is. He will be getting disturbed sleep, no sex, money worries, less time to himself, probably his wife will be making him pull his socks up over chores etc etc - hahaha. Or he will be doing what he did with us and basically living the life of a single man within a family. Twat.

JulietteMontague · 10/05/2013 12:32

Twat indeed, and the key to this is to remember he can't hold a candle to you and remind yourself over and over how much better you are doing in reality because you really are Grin

Snapespeare · 10/05/2013 13:32

OWW bless you - the point there is that you tell your kids that their Dad doesnt see them because he is a fucking selfish emotionally stunted idiot who can't cope with children finds it too painful to say goodbye and that he is having another child because your DCs are SO amazing that he wants to try again. You don't know if they will meet their new baby brotheror sister, because it isn't up to you - the baby has a different mum and we need to consider her perspective as well, but if they want to meet the baby, you will ask their dad if it's ok.

clearly this is horse-shit, but the lies we tell children are there to protect them while they are young. when they're older they'll form their own opinions.

It is terrible - just to go on and have more children with no thought of the financial or emotional repercussions of his actions. My ex had two subsequent 'second' families, there was no discussion, it was obviously presented as a fait accompli and no thought was given to the subsequent effect. I agree that any £ from him is seen as a bonus and have cut my cloth very carefully over the last 12 years. Things have been piling up a bit for you though lovely, so do hope you're ok - you'll get through it. :)

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 13:42

Thanks Snape - no chance of them meeting him/baby as he is not allowed to have contact even indirect contact with any of us. They know he doesn't see them because he's not allowed to, they were involved in giving video evidence etc so know about the court cases and things and the outline of what happened there. Sorry, it's not a normal situation in which case what you say above would be brilliant. They know he hurt them mentally and physically and pretty rationally equate that with not loving them, and now here he is with Family Number Two.

Can't really come up with anything at all to explain or justify this to them. They already have the measure of this bastard, though, but it will still hurt them enormously, another blow for them and they have both been so brave and strong coping with all this crap over the last couple of years.

Sorry you have been here too. These men are just crap.

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 15:59

Right, enough of the crap. Can't change any if it so that's enough time spent being miserable and low.

Dithering about Indie again. He's been quiet today, and has been online this week too, feeling some odd vibes here. Probably giving off a few of my own though. Really unsure about what to do here.

Think I might carry on looking ...

KirstyWirsty · 10/05/2013 16:41

OWW that was a bit like Kiltykilty .. And it just put me off

You've waivered before though and then decided he is lovely have you not?

DaydreamDolly · 10/05/2013 17:06

OWW that's how I feel about Mr TD&H. No texts since weds lunchtime and he's been online every day. Hmmm.

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 17:14

Think I'm a bit of a waverer in general - but I have the feeling that I shouldn't/wouldn't be wavering if I'd met the right person ...

Appear to have set up a date for next week with someone else as well. Unsure whether or not to cancel Sunday with indie. Will see what happens tonight.

Winefiend · 10/05/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WarmFuzzyFun · 10/05/2013 18:07

How do you feel when you do hear from them or meet up with them?

Any fluttery tummy feelings/warm glow type feelings?

JulietteMontague · 10/05/2013 18:14

Very easy to mistake anxiety/wariness for fluttery butterflies. Same with drama for passion, especially if that is what you are used to.

CherryMonster · 10/05/2013 18:17

thank you muchly. i have changed it, and will try to be a little quicker in meeting up :)

WarmFuzzyFun · 10/05/2013 18:18

Leaping fanjo? Grin

(unrelated FYI: just got in from work, had phone call telling me I've worked the wrong shiftAngry, you couldn't make it up could you?)

WarmFuzzyFun · 10/05/2013 18:19

You may be right Jules. Bet you had more than a warm glow Wink

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 18:22

Well WFF I just don't feel very excited about it at the moment. Think something is going on with him as I've only had one message today, replied but no response which has never happened before. He always texts to and fro in the day. Don't know that I am really bothered apart from a blow to my pride. He is a lovely man in many ways but I'm not at all sure he is the one for me.

Not all that excited about the other one so far but will see what happens when we meet ...

WarmFuzzyFun · 10/05/2013 18:28

Might be time to drum up other interested parties.

Hissy · 10/05/2013 18:42

FFS, why do people have to be so fucking rude?

Got a message today, from a KentGuy (although perhaps with hindsight he spelt that wrong)

You put me in your favourites, please remove me from them.

WTAF? Who DOES that? Who IS that fecking rude? Shock

I was tempted to reply...

"No probs, job done, now if you could kindly let me know which folder you would prefer to be filed in 'Rude Prick' or 'Disingenuous (LOOK IT UP) Twat'?"

WarmFuzzyFun · 10/05/2013 18:47

What a Angry?
Hissy I would message back what you said then block ignore delete.

Saves you time though.

mercury7 · 10/05/2013 18:49

nah, just ignore him, that'll piss him off even more :o

OhWesternWind · 10/05/2013 18:50

What??! How incredibly rude Hissy. Excellent reply though, hope you sent it.

Hissy · 10/05/2013 19:01

I have not removed him from anything. In fact if I see the TWAT again, I'll favourite the fucker again. Let him get a restraining order.

It was ManofKent2

Clearly ManofKent1 was happily snapped up leaving only the dregs left Hmm Wink

Am nowhere near Gillingham, so WTF do I care?.... he was never going to be lucky enough to go out with me anyway.

Pisses me off, a week or so ago I was going out with a 'nice bloke', now I have to come into contact with these kind of wankers?

Winefiend · 10/05/2013 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JulietteMontague · 10/05/2013 19:04

WFF strange, I saw him before I got out into arrivals and already had the grin. Then came the kiss, cue being wrapped around each other for a week.

But, grinning may come before a fall I think it's a Crash Carp on standby situation. We didn't communicate yesterday (expected) and although I sent him an email lunctime he hasn't replied. Not even a text. Ok, he's in a different city, no smart phone but he is with his DS who is a techie and I'm sure he'll have taken his laptop. I now have a niggling doubt that I've been had, that he was in fact Fritzel's apprentice who realised that I would be missed.

JulietteMontague · 10/05/2013 19:09

Hissy was this on POF? motorcycle man with no picture? I will favourite him.