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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 20:18

A little I'm particularly sensitive to the 'interesting' as that is all I got for my first 18 months of OD. That and 'great company' Hmm.

The most frequently asked question on MN Relationship threads about OD is 'Why hasn't he called/text/asked for second date. Even us hardened ODers on here still question it when we get vanishers, no one likes to be left hanging. If Hungary woman was new to OD or thought she had hit it off with Bant she may prefer to know and therefore move on swiftly.

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 20:22

Fair enough, I suppose I just take silence after a first date (when the other dater hasn't made contact either) as a polite and often mutual shrug. Meeting up with someone is such a stab in the dark that it seems reasonable to me that people could decide it had all the meaning of chatting to someone at a party.

I've only had one unprompted "interesting but not thanks" message and I put that down to the fact that we were very likely to run into each other in real life.

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 20:26

it had all the meaning of chatting to someone at a party.

This, perfectly sums up OD yet most of us relentlessly keep going in the hope of more Grin

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 20:29

Ahh, but that's because sometimes, just sometimes...

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 20:31

i am struggling with writing an interesting profile.

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 20:32

yes, help with pimping profile would be great

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 20:40

To prove my meaningless point I've just tried to recall all the dates I've been on in the past six months. I had to go back to texts but I think there have been about 26 men, maybe a couple more that I didn't have any texts from and have totally forgotten. I am struggling to remember most of their names.

Incidentally of those I've had about three or four second dates.

I've probably only fancied three of them. And one of those was clearly a knob.

Unfortunately the second dates and fancying three are not the same.

Repeats to self it's a numbers game, it's a numbers game.

KinNora · 09/05/2013 20:41

I think Ike has been known to copy and paste bits of profiles she likes

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 20:46

Cherry it will all depend on what you're looking for - casual, dating, long term so you might use different words and photos for each. I'm looking for a long term thing (eventually) so pics are attractive (for me anyway) but not sexy, no cleavage or short skirts, my profile is something I wouldn't be embarrassed if my mum read it, no references to fun but hopefully a little bit witty and funny. And imagine the type of person you're looking for and write with that in mind. Someone on here recommended putting something in that gives people an easy thing to respond to and I think that can work well.

You don't have to write reams though, just a few sentences.

Sorry this is probably rubbish as I've only done this twice and both times ended up just writing some old crap because I found it so difficult! Good luck.

KinNora · 09/05/2013 20:52

OWW is right, my cleavage is purposely cropped out of my photos and I've had more messages mentioning my 'I like men who can spell' comment than anything else.

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 20:54

i am looking for long term too, ooooh men who can spell, now thats a thing to look for.

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 20:54

i only have 2 photo's, both awful as i dont like having my picture taken

Snapespeare · 09/05/2013 20:54

48 sending love and strength.

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 20:57

You have to have a photo I'm afraid cherry. Would you contact a blank face?

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 21:00

i have got photo's on there, but they are not really good ones. one is 5 years old, and the other was taken last year to show off my new haircut to a mate. i will get some taken though

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 21:02

Good photos do not just happen unless you are a) in your 20s or b) particularly photogenic or c) a supermodel. Otherwise you have to take a lot to get a reasonable one.

KirstyWirsty · 09/05/2013 21:09

48 sorry to hear about your mum!!

cherry I was on POF and okcupid .. I prefer POF .. I don't respond to the 'how's you' brigade and said so on my profile .. I did say I'd only respond to interesting messages men I fancied

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 21:12

exactly Juliette, and i sadly am none of those things. i am also struggling with how to make myself sound interesting.

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 21:19

What do you find interesting? It's just about painting a picture of who you are and what you enjoy doing and avoiding cliches in the process. If people don't find that interesting then they are not for you anyway.

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 21:23

well i am not sure. i have been single for a long time and have no idea what i am looking for. i just dont have the first clue where to start.

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 21:31

Cherry if you pm me I'll tell you my user name on PoF then you can look at my profile. It's crap but it's worked fine! You can copy any of it that you want to but I won't be offended if you think it's crap! Can't pm new people from my phone for some reason.

You can also look at profiles on PoF without logging in so maybe have a look at some other women's profiles and see what you like/don't like.

VelvetSpoon · 09/05/2013 21:33

I don't think it matters much what you say in your profile tbh. Don't be negative, or go on any kind of rant about anything. I said I liked men who could spell and use proper grammar - am still waiting for a grammatically correct msg on POF. Ultimtately it goes on photos more than anything. I'd say of all the many messages I've had and dates I've been on maybe 5% had read or paid attention to my profile....

48 thinking of you and your mum.

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 21:34

Cherry think of something that you feel passionate about, something that makes you smile. Just start it, you can always spruce it up later Smile

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 21:42

here is what i have written:

I am looking for my prince charming, someone who will love me without condition, for who I am and without trying to change me. My life can be hectic as i have a young family and pets, but it can also be fantastic fun. I am not looking for casual sex or a one night stand, so if thats what you want, please move along.
I have a huge passion for life, and am ever the eternal optimist, if there is something good to be seen in a situation or person, I will be the one to see it, so give me a call if you want a happy girl, who loves life and wants to be loved.
I have great legs, long nails, and a wicked sense of humour, so come and have a chat, see if we get along.

I have very varied taste in music, I can listen to most from Beethoven to Prodigy, but am not a huge fan of proper mosh pit heavy metal.
I am not your typical girlie girl, I am just as comfortable in jeans and wellies on a muddy farm as I am in a pretty dress and going to the theatre, if you're looking for a barbie doll, keep moving mate as she is not here.

Also, qualities I am looking for in a man include being able to spell, hold an intelligent conversation and patience. Any man who wants to date me will need to be caring, kind, patient (as I am not looking to rush into a massive relationship), funny and fun, fairly confident as I am a confident woman, good with children and animals, and mothers.

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 22:09

You sound lovely Cherry.

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