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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 12:42

Ike stop looking. Who knows what's up with him, doesn't matter. Lots of men on okc do this, I have a collection of long time starers. Anyone who had asked for a date and then didn't sort it would get eliminated pretty quickly though.

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:43

Oh and I had another one last night...had favourited me, messaged me that he liked my profile I had replied 'thanks'. 2 weeks later he (last night) he strikes up an eager convo so we chat along...I asked him if he had been on any dates..no apparently not he is wary and women seem too 'eager'. I reminded him that we'd had a previous chat a few months ago when I did not have many pics up (he was very monosyllabic) he probs would not recognise me . Literally at that point he went off line. Eh??

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:45

Yeah Jule you are right....I cant be doing with it...ffs!!

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:49

In fairness he would have to travel to meet me but not a huge distance, and I did message him quite late, but if he can be bothered to stare then he can be bothered to respond. I think I will delete the profile that'll stop me checking.

VelvetSpoon · 09/05/2013 12:57

Ike that's pretty annoying of him. Reminds me of one of the many things I hate about OD.

In non dating related news, I popped across the road at lunchtime to top up my oystercard. It is a very windy day. I am wearing an above the knee full cotton skirt, which is very light. You can probably see where this is going...have now displayed far more of myself to the locals than intended.

Blush
ike1 · 09/05/2013 13:00

Yeah I think I am gonna write him off as a bullet dodged and maybe strike up a convo with some of the less 'exotic' looking types who keep messaging eagerly....yawn...

ike1 · 09/05/2013 13:02

Velv think Marilyn Monroe as opposed to bloomer flashing...

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 13:58

Juliette what's your head saying today? I hope, hope, hope you find some way of making this work. So incredibly romantic.

Toni sounds brilliant.

Dolly how are you feeling about things today? Could you suggest meeting up again and see how that goes?

Kirsty seems a bit more than fwb - glad it is going so well.

Moan it's sounding really good and having interests in common is a great place to start.

More sodding messages off Titto about him cutting payments more "when his new baby arrives". Am v confused. CSA can sort it all out for me. Texted his sister a few days ago and asked her to call - she hasn't, so I've asked my mum to phone his mum tomorrow. I know it's a bit convoluted but they always got on okay and she might be able to get a proper story.

This thing with Indie, quietly starting to hope that it might be a good one. Date five over at his on Sunday.

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 15:40

OWW I would get the story so you know what is going on (if that really is the truth) and then go back to no contact. Nothing whatsoever to be gained by it, except to disturb you.

How did you find out about the other two supposedly existing kids? it may be worthwhile doing your own research to be sure of the actual facts, although as you say the CSA can sort the question of how many kids he really does have. It does sound odd, if he already had two additional kids then your payments for your DC would have already reduced. It would be useful to know to work out what you need to do financially and tell your DC the facts but beyond that, there is nothing else you can do except keep him on the far side of fuck.

My head is trying not to think about it all, I miss him and I keep thinking he is in the other room or something. We spoke last night but he is away visiting his DS at Uni now until Sunday. Being the capable man he is, he had already sent me his diary as soon as he got back from the airport so we could co-ordinate our commitments for the next visit, bless. All without any pressure as he knows I need time to really think about whether the sailing thing is a possibility. This type of thing I really like, it makes life easy.

Ike you don't have to strike him out/block him whatever, just wait a bit and see if he sorts it. If he doesn't, you know for sure he is a dick.

Moan Good luck with meetup man. I like meetups too, not for dating but I do put my make up on Grin

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 15:49

Juliette I only know what he's texted my mum and it is very confusing. He can't contact me direct so it's all going via third parties which doesn't make it easy either. Makes me feel ill with worry.

I really hope that things work out with Dutch. I love his straightforward approach. Even if you don't sail, you could be his girl in every port (or some ports) maybe and meet up with him that way or do part-time flexi sailing? There will be a way!

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 16:19

OWW the fall back is the girl in the first port area and then onwards together for a while. He wants to share the entire experience with someone, including planning it but I've already said the first year I'm on standby for DS, plus I can't imagine not seeing DS every couple of months once at Uni. He gets that. The alternative is him delaying an entire year until the following November which seems daft. It would be easy for him to find fill in crew, lots of experienced people are keen to do it.

Once across the Atlantic, another big crossing wouldn't have to be for a long time (gulp) so we could sail together as the coast of somewhere would be only a few days away most of the time. btw there is nothing romantic about sailing boat toilets Grin

CherryMonster · 09/05/2013 18:03

hi guys, i have been directed over here from chat. i am looking to start dating, and i have no idea how to go about it. i have tried online dating before, but only on the free sites and seem to attract all the weirdo;s, men looking for one night stands, and for some bizarre reason, really short men. i need help please???????

KinNora · 09/05/2013 19:07

Hello Cherry not sure I'm going to be a huge amount of help but I'll give it a go. First, do you want to use free or paid sites ? Some posters have had a lot of success with OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, from my own experience Match and Guardian Soulmates are rubbish but others like them.
I think the way to go with a profile is write a reasonably short passage that reflects you, stands out from the crowd and avoids the clichés ( 'killer heels' 'sunsets' 'happy slobbing around on the sofa with a bottle of red and socialising with my vast numbers of friends').
I seem to remember someone saying have 3 photos, at least one full length. There'll be volunteers on here to look at your profile and make helpful suggestions if that's what you'd like.

DaydreamDolly · 09/05/2013 19:13

Hi Cherry I'd suggest one of the ones you pay for if you keep attracting the dross :) I used Lovestruck, don't know what area you are in but it seems particularly good for London area.
Haven't heard from Mr TD&H today... Am now wondering if I'm really 'that into him' tbh.

48howdidthathappen · 09/05/2013 19:29

My mum went into a Diabetic coma during the night/early morning. Back in hospital, condition stable.

Mr R&R is on his way over to offer support.

I want off this roller coaster.

KinNora · 09/05/2013 19:33

Bloody hell, are you ok 48 ?

48howdidthathappen · 09/05/2013 19:41

Have to be Kin

KinNora · 09/05/2013 19:44

Had they diagnosed diabetes previously or was this out of the blue ?

DaydreamDolly · 09/05/2013 19:46

Shit 48 I'm so sorry. Sending love.

48howdidthathappen · 09/05/2013 19:50

Mum has been Diabetes for years. No idea why her levels dropped so low. I know she had food and her medication. I gave it to her last night.

ALittleStranger · 09/05/2013 19:58

Bant maybe it's a female thing but I would cringe a little bit inside about being called 'interesting' which I have had several times. I would take that as the equivalent of men being called 'sweet' which kind of means nice but not shaggable.

Agh, I'm now counting the number of times I have been called "interesting" in RL and OD and banging my head against the table. The thing is I am interesting. I used to be v. shy when I was younger so I'm pleased now that I can meet up with a stranger and have a laugh and an interesting chat for a few hours. But god damn it it would be nice to be shaggable too. I swear the first man who follows up a date with "I thought you were a bit dim, but I can't stop thinking about what I want to do to you" is going to get seriously lucky.

Anyway, I don't think you should have sent the text Bant but that's just my opinion. Unless Hungarian mores are very different an unprompted "I don't fancy you" which is what that text amounts to is always going to sting.

Ike he sounds awful, a waste of key strokes.

V Envy at the thread successes.

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 19:59

48 I'm so sorry, are you ok? Take all the support you can get, I wish your Mum well

KinNora · 09/05/2013 19:59

That does sound unusual, 48, and I don't know enough about diabetes to suggest a reason for it ( but I can try to find out if you'd like me to - you do know that if there's ever anything I can do to help at all, you just need to say).

Have a big virtual hug, petal, until Mr R&R gets there with a real one one.

OhWesternWind · 09/05/2013 20:07

Really sorry to hear that news 48. How's she doing now? Poor you and your poor mum.

Dolly well I think your thoughts might be turning the right way. Remember what you're worth and move lightly on.

Cherry I am a big fan of PoF, might be worth persevering. If you want some people on here to pimp your profile there are always volunteers. Good luck with it and keep posting.

HeyBeenTryingToMeetYou · 09/05/2013 20:18

Sorry 48, what a blow.

cherry, I've only had 3 dates, 2 nice ones from POF (with a second date this weekend with my favourite Smile ) and 1 from Cupid (dull tosspot).

POF is more 'normal' than I thought it would be, you can set your inbox to only receive messages more than 50 characters (thus cutting out all the 'Hi Hunz, wanna play' shit. (Although plenty still get through that, just by putting 50 xxxx at the end). And just ignore those messages you are not interested in. Go for it, I very nearly didn't, and am so glad I did.

Dolly, sorry MrTDH hasn't turned out to be a goodun. Sod him, you know what you are worth, which is the best thing Smile. Onwards and upwards and all that.

Juliette, have been thrilled to read your updates!

Hi to everyone else