Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 53

999 replies

Flipper924 · 06/05/2013 21:48

The Rules

1 Develop a thick skin;

  1. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  2. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  3. Trust your gut instinct;
  4. If it is not fun, stop

Off we go...

OP posts:
Winefiend · 08/05/2013 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winefiend · 08/05/2013 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhWesternWind · 08/05/2013 23:28

I have to take back what I said earlier. No intention at all of finishing stuff. He is just lovely. Done a lot of the important exes/politics/sexism/racism/ moral values stuff tonight - all very light and chatty but vital nonetheless and it all matches. And he is very sexy. He came back here for small c coffee but we have Plans for Sunday.

Snape I kept myself in beer and fags and the odd fiver until my early 20s playing pool. Pulled quite a bit that way too ...

JulietteMontague · 08/05/2013 23:55

Wine I've never 'waited', if I'm going to do it then don't see the point.

OWW so good to hear Indie will survive. He just sounds normal and normal is good.

Bant go get her Smile

Toni that's a result then, oddly I've had men ask for a second date on the date, never by text so I think it just depends on the individual.

KirstyWirsty · 09/05/2013 07:55

wine I waited with Mrcheeky but he was the first after my stbxh .. Haven't managed it since though (with Juliette and the badge ) usually 2nd date as first has been a lunchtime coffee

toni I've always had 2nd dates confirmed during the first .. In fact 15 mind into our hour long meet therockclimber said 'we're going to go out on Saturday aren't we?'

I've hidden my POF and okc profiles and deleted the apps and went on this morning to check if I had a message from a guy if promised to meet 'as friends' today (he doesn't know anyone in Glasgow and I felt sorry for him) and therockclimber has hidden his too ..

KirstyWirsty · 09/05/2013 08:08

OWW glad he is lovely

DaydreamDolly · 09/05/2013 08:39

Great news OWW Glad he's put a smile back on your face Smile
Me TD&H not 'upped' the contact since Tuesday night but it's remained about the same. One text a day unless arranging a date. I do think he wants to carry on seeing me but I wish he'd make his feelings clear. Not in a heavy way just be nice to hear 'I dig you and want to see you again soon'

VelvetSpoon · 09/05/2013 09:10

I tend to take anything said on first dates with a large pinch of salt now. Mine have always said they want to see me again during the date, even arranged it. And of course I've never seen any of them again, with the exception of C.

Dolly I tend to find the ones who are all 'I can't wait to see you' etc are usually bullshitters, its just a load of flannel. The fact he's still in contact means he wants to keep seeing you. I'd go more by what he does and how consistent he is than whether he is particularly effusive.

Toni2710 · 09/05/2013 09:34

He's also text and were going to arrange something over the weekend Smile I'm happy. I think this one has potential!

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 09:42

Dolly what Velvet said. It's easy with OD to think that the flannel is normal. Far better a man who means what he says, even if it's not all hearts and flowers. You should feel desired and valued when you're with him though.

Bant · 09/05/2013 09:44

Oh I haven't texted Unnamed Hungarian Girl back yet after our date on Tuesday night. I know I could just leave it and she'd get the message but we did talk for four hours or so, it was nice, she just wasn't for me - so I think it's rude to leave her hanging on, which I get the impression she would be..

So..

'Hi UHG, it was really good to meet you on Tuesday night, you were really interesting and great to talk to. And I learned lots about . I didn't really feel a romantic 'spark' though, which was a shame as you seem like a great person. Good luck with everything in the future'

Is that okay? Not too patronising? English isn't her first language but she's pretty fluent. Should I drop the 'Good luck' bit, and if so, replace it with what?

If the date was obviously a no-go from both sides, if she didn't seem to be into me, then this would be a bit patronising, but I think she was. Cos I'm great :)

KirstyWirsty · 09/05/2013 09:53

How about 'hope you find what you are looking for' instead of good luck bant?

mercury7 · 09/05/2013 10:00

Agree with Kirsty, 'good luck' sort of evokes 'good luck (you're gonna need it!!) '

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 10:01

Bant maybe it's a female thing but I would cringe a little bit inside about being called 'interesting' which I have had several times. I would take that as the equivalent of men being called 'sweet' which kind of means nice but not shaggable. Otoh English is not her first language so she may not get any nuances so the direct approach is probably the way to go.

mercury7 · 09/05/2013 10:05

...I'm still not sure I'd bother though.
after a date if I liked the bloke I'd text him within an hour of the end of the date to tell him I enjoyed meeting him & I'd like to get to know him better.

If I didnt like him I wouldnt contact him unless he contacted me, and then I'd send a 'sorry but no chemistry for me' reply.

Moanranger · 09/05/2013 10:19

Update re Meet Up guy - we are working on a date - which, wait for it you're probably gonna laugh - will be birdwatching! He is actually an excellent birder, and my attitude is if nothing else, I will have improved my own birding skills.
I have only seen him in Meet Up group situations so no opportunity to talk one to one yet. I think this low key approach is the best, slowly, slowly esp given the recentness of my split.

He did mention having kids in his text, which is a good thing, I think as kids make you grow up a bit/shared experience kind of thing ( I have 2, 21 & 19)
I will keep you posted.

Bant · 09/05/2013 10:57

Ok, I removed 'interesting' and changed 'good luck' to 'hope you find what you're looking for'. Sent.

I think Hungarian women are less forward than you, Mercury - from what I've seen they very much wait to be contacted, and I thought it's rude to send nothing as we did get on, she did talk about a potential future date during the evening (although I didn't indicate I'd like one) and she was a nice enough person I didn't like the idea of her sitting waiting for me to text/call her asking her for a second date. That's probably egotistical of me, but hey, you've got to have confidence in yourself when you're dating, right?

JulietteMontague · 09/05/2013 11:11

Bant that isn't egotistical of you, it's just the way it very probably is. I think it's a good thing to let her know, we've all sat around wondering why x hasn't called and if it wasn't for this thread, a lot of us still would be.

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:21

Mr Ruse is doing my head in already....I send him a message last night re a few potential date possibilities, so far he has visited my profile 3 times...but no reply....what is going on?

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:22

Grr now he has my interest and that is really fucking annoying.

DaydreamDolly · 09/05/2013 12:28

Thank you Juliette and Velvet I hadn't thought of it like that. My exH was all heart on sleeve type, and look how that ended Hmm

Scrazy · 09/05/2013 12:30

I'd die a little inside if someone said 'no romantic spark' to me. But my ego can be quite big too. If I didn't fancy them I would reply, me too to that one.

I always wait for the guy to make contact with me afterwards and if he doesn't then all's well and I get the message. But that is just me.

ike1 · 09/05/2013 12:37

Its a straight yes or no isnt it? He has said he wants to meet up and now he is just staring ...he's one of them bloody game players ffs!!

DaydreamDolly · 09/05/2013 12:39

ike this is what I hate about OD!! Bloody frustrating!

Scrazy · 09/05/2013 12:39

Ike, that's so maddening. I would leave it another day then write him off.