I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.
Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.
I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.
Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....
Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.
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DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester
wavesandsmiles · 01/05/2013 11:50
Look at the early bedtimes as a positive, Waves. The more you're asleep, the less time you're being/feeling sick - bonus! 
What does your doula think of the homebirth idea? (You did see a doula, didn't you, I didn't imagine that?) Even if you manage a homebirth, you may still need to go into hospital afterwards, depending, so you still need to have emergency care on standby for your DC. Do they have school friends whose parents would be willing to take them for a sleepover at short notice?
Still doing well, it's showing that you are now trying to remember that you are innocent in all this, rather than relapsing into taking all the blame - a huge mental step forward, well done! 
Help......massive pain in my rib cage. Actually "ouching" out loud. Flippin painful as anything! Tips? Advice?
Still full of cold, less full of wobbliness and what ifs. Had a chat with a friend yesterday who was genuinely shocked that I sort of asked whether he thought twunt had been out of order. He was a bit 
and basically said he has been a shit of the highest order. I was so WAY off the mark in thinking that people would think it was all my fault.......
I'm seeing my doula again Friday evening, so will chat through the homebirth idea then. I had planned a homebirth with DD but I developed kidney problems at around 34 weeks and had to be induced at 37 so that went out of the window. Just having a think about who I could ask for help with the DCs should I need to go to hospital, and have a couple of people in mind in terms of sleepovers, and will also work out who I could ask for school pick ups, tea etc, but some of the mums of friends at school will, I am sure be able to help with that.
Tired I like your idea of props for hospital - that is a VERY good idea if I need to be there. In fact, even if I have to be at home it will help! I have a lovely aromatherapy in labour kit (thank you to the magic of MN for that), and can take along some nice relaxing music, then I think I and my doula are going to work on a labyrinth picture, to help me focus during labour. A fluffy suit may not be good given acrobat is due end of July, but maybe a sweet summer outfit 
Bed time for me as soon as possible - DoubleLife - I meant to thank you for sharing your story (if I didn't already). It is hard in the evenings, but I figure that the more time in bed and sleeping, the less time being sick/feeling crap/worrying about the past present and future.
Pain is like a stitch all the time, right near the breastbone, then it magnifies ENORMOUSLY. Talking tears to the eyes kind of stuff. Have tried stretching myself but nothing, not even jabbing myself in the ribs with my finger is helping. DD is super worried now as I have been all writhy and ouchy on the sofa, I can't help it.
No, I don;t really think it is all my fault. He is a prize twunt/class a twidiot. But I remember a warning sign, huge red flag, that I should not have ignored. He had this big list on his fridge, handwritten, entitled "reasons why "twunt" is amazing". It used to make me feel very insecure - incldued things like "says he loves me" "takes me on random adventures" "buys me presents" "is awesome in bed" "Is an amazing dad" "Is very good looking". I eventually asked him to take it down - he claimed he had forgotten all about it, and his ex (the one he was texting back when I started posting) had written it.
I have no idea why I ignored that, other than that my programming is a bit fucked up, and I so desperately wanted to believe it was all real, and special to me. But really it wasn't at all 
and he is quite odd to have kept that on his fridge.....
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. So I feel stupid for ignoring that red flag. But I know I am not a guilty party.
Flipping heck this hurts.
I've been doing funny stretches, and the pain is finally easing a bit. Still waiting for uniforms to dry then straight to bed for me....
Good news to report (this asking for RL help thing is actually pretty good), I texted my friend who we saw on Sunday about emergency childcare for further hospital admisisons/labour etc, and she said she'd be honoured to have the children! Apparently her two adore mine, and have been on about a sleepover for a little while. And we only really got back in touch after a year or so of "life being in the way" a month ago, maybe less?! So, that is a HUGE relief, and someone else offered - the DCs know her, but not so well, so I have both a plan A and a plan B for them.
Hurry up drying, the cold/cough thing is making me vomit more, and the retching and vomiting is making my sinuses really hurt. How I could do with a RL hug right now.
My very similar ex used to have lots of photos of himself "hilariously" gurning, many many mirrors, ex gf's underwear & sex toys, nude calendars & posters of porn stars all over his house. MASSIVE RED FLAGS. I too ignored them as a result of my hard wiring. We live & learn Waves eventually. You couldn't help not spotting it at the time.
I agree with themidwife - your programming was all wrong, even though it made you feel uncomfortable and insecure, I'll just bet you thought that was because YOU were wrong, not that your gut instinct was shouting at you that HE was all wrong!
You are really coming along brilliantly - no one is going to trap you like this again, you're learning to break your hardwiring and that other people are NOT like your mother/twunt. Hurrah!
Hope the stitch/whatever goes away and lets you sleep. x
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waves I don't know your story as I have not read it all, but reading your last post is awful.
Can you imagine seeing your daughter (even as an adult) being attacked by a wild animal and locking her out of the house rather than trying to help in some way ? Or at least calling an ambulance for the bite?
That is just totally shocking. 
. I'm totally horrified.
building - no I can't imagine doing that at all, so my DD or DS, or the little acrobat who is getting bigger inside me each day. And I guess that is the whole issue with my "D"M. She was more concerned about not wanting said wild animal in her house, and therefore left me out there, bleeding and needing help. And hence why my wiring is so out when it comes to normal relationships, and why I ended up with twunt, and am now on my own in all of this.
And she LOCKED THE DOOR. Because she didn't trust me not to try to get into the house
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