DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

No he isn't pointythings. He is a nonentity in her life and will be out of it as far as relevance is concerned.

Good point, strawberry. I was thinking more about the wiping up of the seagull shit and then binning it (him) but whatever floats your boat.

waves a paracetamol won't do you any harm, and if you can get it down with water you should be OK. Count down the days, soon your little acrobat will be here, the nausea will be gone and everything will be so much brighter.

Waves - hope you got some sleep last night, or did your discomfort turn into acrobat's arrival??

Don't let Twunt drag you back in to his world waves. He will pull you close enough to stamp on you and your little family again and the pain will start all over again. You can really do without that. There are lovely, genuine men out there. Hopefully, one of those is in your future, not Twunt who is not genuine, lovely, or anything else that sounds nice.

Hope you had a good nights rest Waves.

I managed to sleep, albeit with a hot water bottle which sounds daft given the heat! I have to go up to hospital anyway this morning so will have a chat about these ever more frequent pains.

I must focus on music today, well, once DCs are at school, the dog has been to the groomers and I'm back from hospital. I must NOT attempt the sorting of the understairs cupboard.

Good girl - step away from the understairs cupboard!! Hope hospital goes well when is your due date? No long now x

My due date is 22 days away. I reach full term tomorrow. Gulp.

Definitely the homeward stretch now. Have you planned your post-birth breakfast/lunch/supper? Something really yummy that you know you will be able to keep down after all these months of the hyperemesis.

Don't be surprised if the hospital start encouraging and early [assisted] delivery now that Acrobat is full term and don't dismiss it if it fits with your schedule. Think of you often Waves although I don't post much.

waves - a quick check up re the BH while you are at hospital wont go amiss. I know you will do the bloody cupboard, but just do it slowly.

Can I ask why there is a difference between full term and due date? Is that usual?

Because anything before 37 weeks is considered pre term and because measuring pregnancy is not an exact science, theres the 37 to 42 week window with a due date in that window, that the baby is unlikely to meet.

waves I second what others have said about posting here when you're considering contacting twunt. Please don't be embarrassed to use us as a sounding board. I think a lot of us posting have been through similar experiences so we certainly aren't going to judge. It's natural to keep feeling drawn back in. Remember that though some of us have been in abusive relationships, we've come out the other side too and that is what's going to happen to you too waves. Throughout this ordeal I've been struck by your strength and resilience and I don't think it'll be long before you too are on the other side :)

Hope hospital appointment goes well this morning x

Not sure you're going to read this for a few days but, anyway...

Psychology may seem very complicated when you're going through stuff but imo it can be simple. ime, I wasn't loved by my family or parents (or, well, I probably was loved, in a way, but they're a poisonous brood and it certainly didn't feel like I was loved ). So when I got married I thought this is it, I'm going to love and be loved now; it's going to be done properly and heal all the wounds of abuse and neglect. Then when that (inevitably?) went tits up, with the same old same old abuse and neglect, I couldn't help wondering what I had suspected all along: that the lack of love was actually because of me - it had to be, by the law of averages?

NO! Loving him more and more won't get him to come out of his shell and love you properly. He's already out of his shell - this is who he is.

pp said he doesn't know how to treat women - no, he doesn't know how to treat PEOPLE with love. humility and compassion. He's not interested.

Part of me thinks, if he is so confused, I should be caring and loving (like I actually want to be) and then he will make his mind up and decide we are worth the effort

he isn't confused, lovely. This is who he is. he gets off on torturing people. Makes him feel powerful? I have no idea what it makes him feel, what concerns me is how he, his abuse, makes you feel. xx

well said springytata perfectly put. It is HIM not YOU! who is broken and unable to love.

I tend to think you are right about him being broken, not me.

Hospital was good, they reckon I'm ripening up. Oh the joyous imagery of late pregnancy! So, on with the niggles and twinges and wondering which gigs i will manage to make, and whether to transfer my appointments to a little notebook so I don't need to take my enormous family calendar with me when I go in for the business end of having this baby.

A little notebook sounds like a good plan!!

I think your baby will be with you quite soon, and I officially predict a quick(ish) labour and delivery .

Louley Thank you for that explanation - I didn't know that!

Shaking here.....inconsiderate lodger (the one I call lodger 1) just asked if his gf could come to stay for a week from Saturday. I said, well, not really - I need space etc at the moment. He went RIGHT OFF on one, and I ended up listing a load of stuff that pisses me off. And then he was like oh well I am quiet and tidy. Then he said, well, if you think it is stressful now, what will it be like with a newborn? And I said, well, that is precisely why I want no extra house guests. And then he said he wanted his gf to come and stay for the whole of August.

To be fair, I did say when he moved in that he could have her to stay for the odd weekend, but she was here a month last time, and it drove me up the wall as obviously she is here all the time etc.

So, massive row, I feel sick, and basically said he can feel free to waive the 2 months notice and he can move out on 1 August. I've advertised the room again and now have to find a new tenant as well as everything else.

Inconsiderate twat.

What a cheek. Did he not realise there's no big HOTEL sign over your front door?

You handled that irksome episode perfectly.

Not really, he's going on and on at me. I am beyond pissed off and getting the worst BH now. What a cock. He's now saying I should have paid him for the 2 occasions in 5 months he's sat in the house with the kids in bed. Ffs.

WHAT!!!!!

Hes now trying to charge you, jeez, what self entitled horse did he ride in on, what a twat.

Also i'd like to predict little Waves, come within the next 2 weeks.

What an idiot. How can a human being with normal feelings have a go at a heavily pregnant, ill person. Jeez, what's wrong with some people?!?

I think him moving out is best all round. I know it'll be a pain finding another tenant but with everything you've got going on you don't need this guy's crap. Urrgh what a shit.

As soon as he's in another house he'll soon realise you were pretty soft on him compared to what most people would be like with an inconsiderate, messy, lazy lodger!

I know it's easier said than done but try not to dwell on his arseyness too long, you've got more important things to be thinking about :)

His gf stayed a month last time? Draw up a balance sheet, your babysitting favours one side, his gf staying on the other; unless he paid for her hot water and use of communal areas and resultant wear & tear he should be able to see he owes you, if anything.