DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

this man sounds like a complete man-child and totally void of any knowledge in how to handle women - the further you get away from this man the better all he will you is constant disappointment.

hope you are enjoying your day waves youve done so well, detox, detox detox

lifes too short

Why not write here before responding if he contacts you again. You don't have to squirm if you're shy of mentioning when he makes approaches. We are not policing you. Just watching out for you.

Anyway hope your Sunday passes by peacefully.

I agree with Donkeys - consult the oracle of MN before responding to Twunt. At the very least you can offload your emotional response, spend some time being 'talked down' and then make your own decision about what you want to do.

There are very good reasons why you respond in the way that you do and we all get that, but there is nothing wrong with having a little support during detox.

all the other posters are right. Deal with it, move forward. So you wanted to give him another shot to prove he can be a decent person. I doubt any on here wouldnt have done the same in your position.

But you know now FOR SURE that he cant be decent, kind, loving and a good father or husband, so shelve that thought once and for all.

Let the lodgers sort out whatever is bugging them between them.

Get your schedule for music sorted for festival, enjoy your music today and I do hope acrobat arrives at his scheduled time.

Re-reading earlier posts now realise MissStrawberry had already counselled waves ie suggested posting here if twunt attempts contact. Hats off to MissStrawberry.

Home from lunchtime music and stretching out to give wriggly acrobat a bit more space so he steers clear of my ribs for a while.

Thanks for all the advice and hand holding, I am still pretty upset at his, well, at his "self". He texted me this morning, just said "looks to be another nice day hope you enjoy it". I obviously haven't bothered to reply.

Later on, once DCs are home, I'll get on with bits and bobs. I swear the understairs cupboard is actually whispering to me, demanding a clear out! Other than that, just music plans and writing a birth mind map. Also noticed a gig on Friday evening on my calendar, so need to get that sorted too. Will probably do the same as I plan to do Saturday just to save time and energy. Bit of a cheat but I'm sure it will be ok!

Am I doing the right thing not texting him? Part of me thinks, if he is so confused, I should be caring and loving (like I actually want to be) and then he will make his mind up and decide we are worth the effort

But waves you have been attentive and loving all along and he has to make more effort than bung a few texts and play on your good nature. I understand you'd love the man you married to return but how about letting him make constructive moves to do the groundwork of getting back on good terms. Physically and emotionally which of the two of you has been tested to the limits of endurance since January?

Donkeys, this is precisely why I am so cross with myself. I am bothered that he cba to send an even pretend caring text, let alone do anything remotely constructive. Maybe that is the crux of it though. He can't be bothered to even invest the time in sending a text that suggests he remotely cares. And that renders the "heartfelt" letter he sent an utter load of rubbish.

I wish I could switch off the thoughts of him

Sorry love it is hard just to switch feelings off.

A text is a request not a summons.

Considering the shit he has put you and your children through not answering a few texts is totally fine!

I have needed to often switch off feelings for someone who was a twat. I used to not allow myself to think anything nice about him. I would remind myself of all the things he had done and said that broke my heart and it really does help.

"Am I doing the right thing not texting him? Part of me thinks, if he is so confused, I should be caring and loving (like I actually want to be) and then he will make his mind up and decide we are worth the effort "

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Ignore him! PLEASE!

You have been caring and loving the whole time and he wanted to kill your baby, remember? He does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.

Waves, thats what makes you the better person, because you dont just have that switch, because to you, your feelings and emotions are real.

Anyone who can just stop their feelings, obviously had none or atleast very shallow ones.

Paul McKenna - I can mend your broken heart book and CD.

I really recommend it.

Think of it like this. You are a wild salmon, he is a fisherman. He has you on his line - he reels you in, and then lets you run until you tire out - then he reels you in again. Keep running, because when he finally lands you, he'll club you on the head (metaphorically speaking) and it will all be over.

What you want to do is mentally snag his line around a rock, then break free.

An idea - collate all the posts about what this twat has done for when the divorce/access to baby is being dealt with?

That is a good idea MissStrawberry and it will give me something to focus on other than "feelings"

DCs are home now and tired out after a lovely day. Early nights all round - I'm off to hospital for 9.30 am after dropping the dog to the groomers. Maybe will tackle understairs cupboard after that, or just make it a music day?

music day definitely.

His behaviour reminds me of the way a cat enjoys playing with an injured bird. Just hurting you for the sake of it.

Waves you have shown such determination and fortitude. He has misjudged you, you most certainly are not an injured bird - you have more character and strength than he could ever, ever hope for. He knows that too, which is why he is trying to bring you down. If you crumble, he gets to feel powerful.

Move on, (although keep all letters, e-mails & texts - you never know when you will need them - just don't look at them). Let's restart the detox.

Those words resonate beryl as I remember saying to twunt in the early days of our relationship, please be careful with me as I am rather a burnt bird :-(

Learning that I am not, and have proved to the world that I can cope with a huge amount. I really just need to start believing that myself a little more.

Definitely a music day tomorrow, just heard I am going to be playing for about an hour and a half at the festival next Saturday! It's fab that they want me to do such a long set.... I am hoping that acrobat stays put for the duration though.

Don't worry about that - I am quite confident you will be able to do a few songs in between contractions if required.

I turned up to work in labour with DS asserting that as he was my first baby the labour would take AGES so I wasn't going to give birth there. I did get sent home

Well, they had one born at Glasto this year so the tradition is there...

oh waves, start your detox again. no replying to his stupid texts. You are not a burnt bird - you are a bloody swan, graceful on the surface and paddling like mad underneath.

He deserves to be shit on from a seagull at a great height!

Jax the problem is that twunt is the seagull in waves' life...

A bit uncomfortable tonight now I've stopped doing general stuff. Had to walk a fair distance today so I hope it's just that. I'm at hospital first thing tomorrow so I guess if I'm worried I can ask them to check me over. I might just risk a paracetamol. Trouble is I'm so unreliable when it comes to keeping anything down at all. Maybe worth a try though?