DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

keep plodding on Waves you're doing brilliantly and you're nearly there now! I hope your lodgers remember to put the recycling out, they seem to have a pretty good deal there, I think you could ask them to do more to be honest! you are doing managing to put bins out that was one of the jobs I found toughest when I was sick

Oooooooh, 35 weeks! That is very exciting!

I can't sleep. Again. Was lying in bed from 9.30 and gave up so sat in the kitchen doing nothing (apart from playing solitaire on my phone). It's not worries, just not being able to sleep....

It's past midnight though, so I'm now 35 weeks pregnant. 21 weeks since I first posted, and between 3 and 7 weeks I guess til acrobat is actually here. Oh my. Plenty of braxton hicks to remind me of the imminency of the arrival.... I would rather be sleeping though and building up some energy.

Only so much solitaire I can play but my brain is too tired to read, might try to sleep again. It's like that feeling when you are a child on Christmas eve, you know you need to sleep or He won't come, but the excited feeling makes it super difficult

Hello waves ... sorry you are a bit restless tonight. Just posting to let you know someone is here

Thanks not sure if maybe it is worries at the back of my mind after all.... I'm trying so hard to be positive and to shelve negative thoughts and energy though! I guess the next few weeks hold a lot of unknowns. It's a scary time even if things are perfect in the rest of your life, let alone when there are things like potential court cases looming!

I'm here too for a short while. 35 weeks, happy rest of your pregnancy. Soon acrobat will be here (with a real name!). Wish the sickness had never happened - you've done so well.

Hi waves......... Im here to. I think you are doing amazingly well, you have had such a lousy time and your still here with positive thoughts.

Try and put any court cases or such right out of your mind, just concentrate on you, acrobat and you DC, think about the music :)

I hope you can sleep now

Do you think he really will try to take you to court? ..You know him better than we do.

My thinking is that Narc types often threaten this kind of thing....but rarely follow through.

It takes time and effort and money - and organisation! - and they are usually too focused on themselves and their wants. Only my thoughts, though.

Well I've trundled back to bed and am going to try to sleep again. Early start as DD is off on a day trip with school so I could do with being conscious in the morning! I think I might be sick again, so half tempted to sit in the bathroom for a bit

I'm glad there are other people "here" too... I think he may well take me to court, if nothing else because I clearly have to take him to court regarding maintenance. But it is another of the great uncertainties!

For now I am going to imagine some of my favourite music in my head, try and find a half comfy position, and attempt sleep again (been sick again, so maybe that will help?)

Oh I do hope you get some sleep...

Sleep tight waves, hope it is a quiet night for you.

Hope DD has a lovely time and enjoys her day out. Back when my DCs were still small I was visiting friends and we took our toddlers to the zoo, halfway round I realised I was last there when I was 9, on a school trip. That was freaky!

I managed to sleep pretty well in the end, and sent a very excited DD off on her school trip. DS's turn on Friday but no early start for that. Today I'm going to mostly be at home, try to relax by playing some music, and possibly do a little pottering in the garden. Later, all being well, my doula is coming round to make a cast of my pregnant tummy! I hope acrobat stays quiet for it....

That sounds good! So glad you're doing something to celebrate your pregnancy.

Sounds good, waves. Don't get into heavy gardening - no lawn mowers, rollers, or stuff like that!

We've been pottering outside too. I have millions of tomato plants which need to go into the raised bed, but first we have to do a load of heavy duty stuff to make room for the raised bed, asmdh doesn't want where I was going to put it (sigh; ain't that always the way?!).

Gentle pottering in the garden. No grand designs!

Enjoy your music & your bump cast.

I hope you have a lovely relaxing day, and the bump cast goes well. :)
Are you doing the Mozart thing with your bump? I found DS1 didn't take too well to it! and then I didn't bother with DS2

Glad you had a good sleep in the end, waves.

Are you on ADs? They are wonderful for times like this - you can take ADs when you're pg and breastfeeding. You've been through an awful lot my darling, it's not surprising your peace of mind is affected.

I could give you endless tips on natural ways to tackle the sleep thing (I researched/practised them all during a sticky time in my life, believe me!). However, aside from relaxation etc techniques, the remedies are generally herbal, and I'm not sure where you stand with taking herbs while pg/bfing? An brilliant over-the-counter remedy is Kalms. Taken regularly, they really take the edge off and also help with sleep.

Those bloody lodgers !! LIttle shits, get off their backsides and do their bloody bit. At least you have the lovely lodgers who must make up for this lazy lot.

Are you getting the chance to watch the tennis - is it your type of thing? Someone from Guernsey is playing tomorrow, apparently. A woman.

Hope you sleep well tonight xxx

Hope you get some rest tonight waves, I wish I could wave a wand and bring you calm and peace for the next few weeeks.

I've been reading about the Mozart Effect, I'm wondering if it would help an old lady like me keep her brain going a bit longer

Morning all. I got to sleep much easier last night, although woke up pretty early to the sound of DD kicking a ball outside. At 5.40am! I may need to get some darker curtains for her room, or figure out a temporary solution anyway.

My bump cast was postponed, so that is now on Thursday, and this evening I'm off to play some music. I read up on the Mozart effect when pg with DS who is now 9.5 so don't remember much. My acrobat is getting lots of music generally though, I played for about an hour yesterday evening.

Gardening wise, I sort of took it easy, although did plant a couple of small trees. The planting was easy, it was the digging the holes that was hard work. Still, another thing done and all that. Mostly hoping my lodger takes the recycling this morning, we don't get collections so I sort it all out and the deal is they take it to one of the bring banks. Meant to be weekly but it's a fortnight since they did it. And it's mostly their stuff too.

Today my family support worker is coming round, and I am hoping that will help set my mind a bit at peace again. I just wish everyone would stop telling me to get a good lawyer. I can't afford it! I am unemployed now, and have to live off savings for the next 8 months. I won't have any of my DCs go without clothes or food just because twunt is bullying me into court. I am capable of researching the legal position, and have done so extensively already. He will doubtless get his mum to lend him yet more money for any case though ....

I'm not on ADs. I've been told by my gp and psychotherapist that I'm handling the stress of all this actually better than someone would who didn't have my MH history (and that's what it is, a very long ago history), and that I'm not remotely approaching clinical or anything like that. So I intend to keep going as I am, but ought to work on some relaxation techniques a bit more. I can't remember when I last watched the television, and reading books is a bit difficult at the moment. But I think this is all linked to the physical stress of the Hyperemesis too. When acrobat arrives I am going to need to learn to eat properly again as well as all the other things I need to re learn about babies!

Feeling a bit overwhelmed after writing all that out. Life is certainly not boring

Would a virtual hug and a virtual morning help?

And a virtual ear?

Remember, Acrobat will be here soon. Gain strength from knowing how mama bear you will be when he is finally in your arms - A fancy lawyer is nothing compared to that feeling!!

Know what I think? Despite it having been somewhat traumatic, all this shit with the Twunt, NOT having him around has probably reduced the stress on you more than you realise. Because when you KNOW it's all down to you, you mentally gear up for it, whereas when he was around and you kept hoping that he would help/be nice/have heart/be human, you were constantly being disappointed, which is enough to depress anyone.

So i think that is in part why you're not as "bad" as you could be - because you're not having to deal with his mind games as much, nor his sons shocking treatment of you.

Bonus all round, really... - have a

I think you should feel very, very proud of yourself. Not just for coping mentally so well with all of this, but for coping with the day to day life of being a mother with two children whilst being very sick.

Life when your acrobat arrives will be a breeze compared to the last months, I reckon.

About relaxation. You said about not watching tv or reading at the moment. Could you reward yourself with an hour just sitting in the garden with earphones in, listening to music?

morning waves I think you are a hero! You have coped so much better than you ever thought you could and it is because you can do anything you set your mind to. Be proud of yourself.

And yes, thumbwitch is right - having twunt and TB continually undermining you and telling you how rubbish you are is not helpful - you have managed TB and feel empowered by it. And you have got rid of twunt and his EA ways.

Take a deep breath and smile - YOU are fine. Acrobat will be fine. DC will be fine - because they all have you in their life, nurturing and caring.

and