DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Pissed not pusses - dontcha love autocorrect

springytats doesn't matter what beliefs we've got, I think it's a beautiful prayer :) first time I heard it was on the movie 28days
vole3 LOL I might say that sometimes ;)

Waves, that's actually a busy day! There's no sign of you taking it easy. Remember, in music the rests are as important as the notes!

Hear, hear - you are doing tons, hope you get quality sleep tonight. Like that saying Jux, new one on me.

Waves that was a busy day. Not at all surprising that you're tired, especially given the emotional stuff you've been wading through and also being in the latter stages of pregnancy.

you have a strange idea of what's not much! that's loads for someone 35 weeks pregnant, swimming, colouring, tidying washing and cooking. no wonder you needed a rest. you really need to take it easy 2 or 3 of those things would have been enough.

Hope you take it more easy today.

how are you today dear woman?

I've been thinking of you rather a lot

Are you practising doing nothing? Gwan, have a practice. I'm good at it these days.

waves you need to rest a bit more and DO a bit less.

Thank you for the poem/prayer BBMs I am going to write it in my journal

Today I have done a little less, my main task was sorting out DD's bedroom which was meant to be a joint effort but she is SO SLOW and I ended up doing most of it. We have completely blitzed it though, sorted outgrown clothes, matched up odd socks, swept, tidied and had a proper sort out. The DCs helped me make their lunch (a bit of chicken, sweet potato wedges and roast carrots) and enjoyed it so much more for having helped get it prepared.

Shortly I am off to the Wise Woman antenatal workshop which I am really looking forward to. Might sit and do nothing for a little bit so I have maximum energy available for that.

Jux I smiled at your comment regarding the rests. It is something I say to my music students so very often. I obviously need to practise what I preach.

This coming week should be a little less busy, I might learn some new songs, and make the most of the last few weeks of relative quiet. I deactivated my fb account so that is another distraction eliminated, and helps me settle into my nurturing nest. DD has a school trip on Tuesday (PTA subsidised so only costs £1 which is a huge relief), and it looks like the weather will be lovely.

Time to put my feet up (and try only to think of positive thoughts) Thank you all so much

:)
How was your class, waves?

The class was lovely, although the dancing bit made me feel sick and I had to dash to the loo

We did some lovely stretches and breathing and it made me feel pregnant instead of just ill for the first time in ages and ages. We also did some visualisations whilst holding sticks of ice for a couple of minutes and decorated pebbles and drew our own labyrinths. So lots and lots really!

I wrote "I trust me" on one of my pebbles, partly to remind me that I can physically manage the birth process, that its natural and I've done it before, and also to remind myself that I am capable of carrying on as a single mum, trusting my instincts and doing the best for my children. I got a bit sad hearing the other ladies chat about their DHs, but I tried my best to shelve my sadness and worries for the 2 hours i was there.

Got home and had another ray of light, just dawned on me that twunt is an utter cock of the highest order, and that I have been tending to blame everything on me still.... He doesn't have a genuine or kind or selfless cell in his body, and I am glad he went when he did, at least the majority of this pregnancy I've mainly just had to deal with the illness and life changes, as opposed to his cruelty and hardness. I know that he will launch more at me when he can, and that there will be challenging times ahead from that perspective. but hopefully with all of you, and the RL support I continue to try to build up, I'll survive and come out the other side.

Little acrobat seemed to enjoy the evening too, it's not long now really until he will be snuggled up in my arms!

What a lovely post waves. Genuine recognition there of how brilliant you are and how he isn't worth your energy even thinking about him and his failure as a father and as a man.

The nesting is absolutely the right call, as is colouring, sorting socks and surrounding yourself with RL and MN people who give a shit.

Much love to you and Acrobat

Am so pleased you've come to the same conclusion we all did months ago! Ever since he left your posts have got stronger and stronger and now you realise that neither you not acrobat need him in your lives. He needs to pay appropriate maintenance but that is all.

So glad you actually feel pregnant it might remind you to take it easy.

I think you're amazing Waves x

Wow that's fantastic! You sound so positive! I am really looking forward to reading in a year's time how happy you are with your little family, twunt in oblivion & even maybe a new romance on the cards.

Waves, you are truly splendid! Celebrate yourself. Excellent time to have a revelation about Twunt. You can go into the birth and the first months of Acrobat's life with the absolute certainty that none of you need the twat, and just get on with loving your new baby and making the 4 of you a cohesive whole.

Waves, I did a very interesting management course a while back, and I can't remember the name of the theorist, but it was about recognising what sort of person you are (and others are) when it comes to responding to negative things in our life, whether that is a relationship break-up, or conflict in work.

You choose from the following choices:

1.My fault Someone else's fault
2.This specific thing has gone wrong Everything is ruined
3.It's only for a short time / will get better Now it's ruined, it can never be fixed

I tend to be completely from the left hand column, but people can be a mixture of both left and right. Being a leftie means that you accept responsibility for things, but it can also mean you accept too much responsibility when things go wrong.

Formatting didn't really work in that, but hopefully you know what I mean.

Where do you think you are on this? Where do you think twunt is?

Neither is right or wrong, just an understanding of our default settings.

Waves, what a GREAT post from you! So glad that things went well and you got some benefit from it, despite the bit of sadness - but such a great and (it seems) deep realisation of the true situation at last!
I know a would be probably quite inappropriate at this point but I do feel like it because it's like a Damascene revelation almost - the scales have finally fallen completely from your eyes and you can see again, in glorious truthful technicolour. Hurrah!

Well done waves. I'm so pleased to hear you say that.

Waves. I've noticed that the more you reach out in rl the better you are. So pleased your class went well. I can't wait for acrobats arrival either. He is going to be much loved by all.

just dawned on me that twunt is an utter cock of the highest order

and so say all of us.

I do hope you have some nice untaxing nesting activities planned. Or just go with the flow, no need to schedule stuff.

Utter cock yes. Narcissist!!

Bleurgh. Feel so sick today

Listened to my body though and had an hour's sleep earlier, and other than that did not very much at all. Planning on an early night, and hoping for a less sicky day tomorrow. At which stage I reach 35 weeks, which is quite exciting, but also scary. Trying VERY hard to shelve worries about twunt for now, and hard to shelve worries about the future. He is clearly impossible to second-guess, and has no sense of responsibility whatsoever, so whatever happens in the future will be of my making. Just got to wait it out, and if he wants to take me to court, then he will do so. Worrying will not help at all. And my baby acrobat needs as little stress as possible so he gets on with growing and staying put so he gets to a decent birth weight. DS was on the 88th centile at birth, and DD on the 55th, so I'd rather this little one stays cooking for as many weeks as possible so he puts on some more weight.

Beryl - in response to your question, I am pretty much a leftie, but am also learning to recognise that things are not 100% my fault. Although in the immediate panic of a challenge/upheaval I can go "argh, everything is ruined" I move very quickly to the problem-solving, breaking down to the solutions to the actual issue stage. Twunt blames EVERYONE but himself (reflecting back on his tales of exes, for example) and doesn't seem able to formulate solutions. I think he is a run away sort of person. Was with our relationship anyway.

I'm off to be sick (again). And tomorrow I hope that lodger 1 takes the recycling as he promised. Otherwise I will get on and do it as it is really winding me up that it's not been done for 2 weeks. (Deal is that lodgers one and two do the recycling, and I pretty much do all the main communal area cleaning, putting bins out etc - but it is frustrating having to do constant reminders). The next lodger I get will be more thoroughly screened/interviewed - I have enough to manage without playing mum to someone who should know a lot better. Grrrrrr.