DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Waves, he won't take your baby. The courts will not seperate a newborn from his mother. Everyone recognises that a child needs to be with its mother in the early stages.

I think this is hot air from him to try to upset you in all honesty. He is not interested in Acrobat at all as far as I can tell, or he would have been much more concerned about your HG problems and so on. He is doing this to get under your skin, and to try to put you in your place because you had the "cheek" as he sees it to ask him for maintenance.

He's scared because actually you hold all of the cards here. You are entitled to receive maintenance from him on Acrobat's behalf, and he knows you will now take him to court to ensure that happens. He can't control the courts so he is trying to control you instead.

He is a shitbag. He cares about no-one but himself and he really enjoys upsetting you, so just keep getting on with your life as best you can - not only is it the healthiest way for you to live but it is also the best revenge!

Yes, what Peonies said! Don't be afraid of this cunt, it's what he wants.

He won't get 50:50 custody. He already has his DC and your DC he abandoned! No court will give him that. ESPECIALLY as a newborn/young babe.

But what are the early stages? Weeks? Months? I researched it all and know I'm not being unreasonable. But now I have to accept a horrid court case when acrobat arrives when all I want is to settle into my new life with my new little acrobat. I need to get breastfeeding established and stress will be counter productive for that. My poor DCs have gone off to school seeing me in floods of tears. Guilty? Just a little.

I have no idea what to do now. Meant to be at hospital in 20 minutes and am cancelling as I can't face driving up there.

Please don't cancel, I'm no shrink and I don't know your whole story but I can hold your hand for twenty minutes while you have a sook and a vent. I'm sure other MNetters can do. Go, do it for Acrobat. Go to spite that piece of shite. He wants to upset you, don't let him stop you being so amazing.

You have NOTHING to feel guilty for. Here, drink some virual morning wine.

Waves - it's not a matter of what he gives you in child maintenance! it's what the court decide he has to contribute to the costs of raising his child. What acrobat is actually entitled to.

And he cannot take your baby away. Fullstop.

(And i don't think he even wants to. He doesn't really come across as Father of the Year.) Agree with Peonies, he is saying 50;50 to get at you, not to get at your child

Hi i registered here after reading through your thread (after recomendation to read from my wife)

I'm a dad of three DC's and I have been through a strikingly similar breakup with my ex wife. From what I have read your TWUNT spends a lot of time with his current children and pays maintenance? I am sure that all he is doing (as upsetting as it is) is trying to ensure that he has access to your acrobat?

I had to take my twuntess to court as she was imposing such ridiculous rules upon my access that I feared that my children would forget about me entirley - 2 hours a month!! I would not worry to much about him taking your little Acrobat away, otherwise he would have said full custody (which he wouldnt get obviously), as for the maintenance side did he say he wont pay any at all??

Sorry to gatecrash at such a late stage its just after reading through your story it struck so many chords. Hope your day gets better

He's being a bastard, but they are empty threats. Don't respond.

Don't read any more.

It will be ok.

Everything will be okay Waves, everyone is right he's just being a bully. And I agree he probably doesn't even want Acrobat. He'll probably give up on him fairly quickly. Not the most comforting message I know but that's what I garner from this thread.

God, he deserves his OWN title, he's worse than a twunt.

Hospital said I can go up later once I've calmed myself down, and stay for a chat and a sob if I need to. I know it's all harder on account of pregnancy hormones, the ongoing HG and lack of sleep, but it remains hard!

Thing is, I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable. I said he can see the baby when it is first born, then I will need a few weeks to settle down, establish feeding etc, and deal with the hormones, before anything can begin. As suggested by several people, I said we could meet up every weekend at a neutral place so he can spend time with the baby, with me there, as obviously I'll be breastfeeding and the key bond for an infant is with its mother. I said that we'd revisit that once the baby was bigger (6 months) when he can take him for longer spells on his own, by that stage I'll hopefully be working again, if I find a new job, so the baby will be ok to be apart from me.

He is possibly doing this to hurt me, which is dreadful if it's true as the stress hormones will be harming my baby. And guess what, the vomiting has ramped right up again.

I just cannot believe he is such a twunt as to threaten his ill and very pregnant wife with a court summons in the immediate post partum period. Well, the court will have to deal with me attending with the baby in a sling and feeding if necessary during the hearing.

Much as I despise twunt, I do want my son to have a relationship with his father. But I also need to put my well being and the baby's well being top of my priority list.

Maybe I should see if I can arrange a meeting with him ASAP? Emails can be so cold and heartless.

Thank you for all your messages, I really wanted to avoid court for the reasons above, but it seems certain now that that is the only route available. I can't name check as I'm on my phone, but will sit down at the computer later and properly reply

I've not posted before on your thread before and I'm not a matrimonial lawyer, but he will not be getting joint custody of a newborn breast feeding baby. He is delusional if he thinks that. Print off all the emails for future use and offer him what you think would be reasonable, in writing so when he take you to court they can see you have tried to facilitate contact and he will look like the unreasonable arse that he is. He will never see things reasonably and it's not your fault and nothing you say will ever change that. Take care.

Emails can be so cold and heartless, unfortunately so can people. Maximum winding up for minimum effort. I am glad you will still keep that appointment. He may talk loudly about rights and access but he blows hot and cold and you just need to bat away any intrusive communication with "We'll see".

Am I right in thinking it's not only his ex wife and sons he has in the background it's a long term gf, so when not posturing as Dad Of The Year he'll be enhancing some other female's life?

I hope that the hospital are good later on - I think its really good that you're still going.

The hospital are great. As usual I've been thinking they are sick and tired of me being a bother with having to be there so much, but after I phoned to cancel, the ward manager actually called me at home to say go up whenever and she will have a good chat with me. Bless her.

Just need to calm down a little so may do some weeding then get myself up there. Acrobat is going crazy at the moment, it's quite lovely to feel him, although the more acrobatic movement send me running to the toilet!

I don't think any court system in the world would do things that quickly (even if your ex was serious which he surely isn't -- as a side note I am that he manages to hold down a £50k job at all given his personality and complicated private life).

I'm so sorry he is giving you such a hard time. It is totally undeserved - what you have suggested to him sounds entirely reasonable, but he is lashing out because he is not in control.

He is harassing you. He is going to continue to do so for as long as he can. Please don't meet him - it will not solve anything. He is not being a shit because of the emails. If you have to meet him for any reason (baby access etc), then please make sure you have someone trustworthy with you for support and as a witness. He will not play nicely, so you must protect yourself in every way possible.

Hope it goes well at the hospital.

The reason the hospital are treating you so nicely is because they will recognise the completely appalling situation he has left you in, not many people have to go through what you are. His behaviour has been terrible particularly in the circumstances you are now in, everyone else knows it, and he can't bear knowing deep down that he has behaved so badly and everyone will be thinking badly of him, so he tries to push it back onto you. He can't, this was his choice and he has to live with the consequences.

I don't know exactly how long the early stages are I'm afraid, but I do know that this isn't as urgent as he is trying to make it seem.

I think also that once acrobat is here, and this awful vomiting is over so you are able to feel better, you will be more able to cope with his threats and general unpleasantness. I know that seems like platitudes but I really think it is true.

You have had months and months of illness and huge emotional upheaval, and of course you are going to be stressed and upset by all of that followed by this latest nastiness from him. But I don't think you will feel as powerless as you do at the moment - it really will get easier.

At the moment I think all you can do is keep on keeping on.

As an aside, I don't think you should meet the twunt face to face - I think he would be able to upset you even more in person at the moment, and quite frankly I think you should expend your energy on more worthy activites!

I'm really glad the hospital are being so supportive.

get up to hospital when you can. Im around most of the day, feel free to PM me.

Twunt and his deplorably cuntish emails have had the desired effect! You are in pieces and he thinks he has 'won' - but guess what? He hasnt, all he has succeeded in doing is making himself look even more of a Bastard than normal! Who'd have thought it possible?

Print off all of his emails and keep them in a file - especially for court.

It is sad that it may come to court but you hold your head high - you have tried to facilitate contact and maintenance now, before acrobat is born, which can only show what a decent person you are. His reply shows him as what he is.

Breath calmly, ground yourself and dont reply to any more emails re acrobat. You dont need to at the moment, you have tried and he has derailed you again.

Im absolutely furious for you! Bloody imbecile making your life more difficult once again.
Please don't meet with twunt, if you communicate with him via emails, you can use them in court to prove all he has said to you! Why don't you start putting all the emails you have from him together and the screen prints of the times he was looking for abortions? That way you can start getting ready to fight him and show everyone what a nasty piece of shit he really is.
Sending huge hugs your way xx

Waves, I was thinking about you this morning. You had done so well with no contact with twunt, and look at how he has made you feel when you tried to reason with him.

I genuinely think you need to go completely no contact with him. Keep the e-mails, as others have suggested. Don't respond to any more e-mails from him - he is trying to hurt you, and it is working. In fact, I would suggest you don't even read any further e-mails from him - direct them into a folder. And definitely don't meet him.

I think you really need to focus on yourself, Acrobat and your health. Forget about him - I know easier said than done. I don't think it is doing you any good worrying about what is going to happen in the future - whether it is directly after Acrobat is born, or later. Personally, I wouldn't facilitate any contact with twunt and the baby - he has behaved too awfully to you. You have the e-mails you sent offering reasonable contact, and you have his aggressive response. IF he takes you to court (which I doubt he'll be arsed with), you can show that you tried.

[hugs]

Waves, my ex & I split when my DD was 6 weeks old. He didn't have her alone until she was 6 months plus & she was 10 months before he had her overnight. No court in the land would separate a breast feeding baby from its mother & your community midwife, GP & health visitor will write statements to court to support this. Please try not to believe his hot air & posturing. It's a load of bollox!

oh waves what a nightmare. I agree with others though I cannot see the court doing anything other than putting the needs of a breastfeeding baby first. take care of yourself and I am so glad the hospital are being supportive, do try and go I am sure a good chat with them will do you the world of good

Finally made it to hospital after a failed attempt late morning due to throwing up all over myself in the car. Specialist at 4.30, so lots going on. Still feel awful, headache since getting that horrid email and it won't go away. But he sent another saying he doesn't want a battle and let's see how things go once we've had first meeting with baby and I'm better. Confused.

Glad to hear you made it into hospital, hope the fluids help.
That asshole is playing mind games with you, you really need to avoid hearing or reading anything about him until after the baby is born.
Sending you good thoughts and positive vibes xx

Glad you made it to the hospital, albeit unpleasantly!

I strongly suggest you take the advice of creating a twunt folder in your email and not reading them, even for just a week. This ISN'T helping you and Acrobat's health. Keep copies of everything, including your very reasonable suggestions, and don't read anything until after your beautiful baby is here. I know that's probably too hard, which is why I suggest at least a week. You need to put your poor body and little Acrobat first, twunt and his mind games can come later when you're physically stronger and can fight back.

Not surprised he chooses you when you're at your physically weakest (and he must know how much you're hurting emotionally/mentally) to be manipulative, cruel and vicious.

Twisted little imp.