DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

hi waves sounds like you had a good day, and a quiet house. Bonus!

You and the kiddies will be fine, you are going through one of the hardest parts at the moment and you have a core of steel. It shines through all the shitty manure.

Dont ever doubt yourself, YOU are a good Mum/Dad and everything else a child could need.

morning, hope you had a good night.

Same here. You're on my mind often Waves

Thanks for the flowers I still have a quiet house which is nice, and today the homestart lady came and was brilliant. She bleached the bin and some of my cleaning cloths, and we had a good chat.

Trying not to doubt myself, but I think that to the outside world maybe I appear to be a difficult person....I have this awful relationship with my mum, and have now 2 failed marriages. I can't help but think that this reflects badly on me. And the redundancy has also not helped with these thoughts.

However, as usual, I am trying to remain positive, despite feeling like a sack of manure myself! Tomorrow I am going to court with my family support worker to find out how the process works with respect to maintenance and contact, then taking myself (hopefully) to the supermarket so I can batch prepare meals for the remaining weeks of pregnancy and early weeks with a newborn.

I just heard that my cousin had a baby boy last night she was due 5 weeks before me, and suddenly I realise that in a few weeks time I will be a mum to 3 children! I get so caught up in worries about twunt, and the illness, and life in general, it's like I forget that in a very short while I will be welcoming an actual, real, and totally dependent little person into the world. I'm feeling a little scared now...

But waves - studies have shown that children of abusive parents go on to seek equally-abusive relationships as adults. It's your parents fault you went on to 2 EA marriages, and to your credit that you recognise them as such and got out! The cycle has stopped with you - your lovely children will be well-balanced, happy and loved adults. (peice in the news today about Nigella -she was EA by her mother and possibly physically too, and it has led her into accepting her husband with his hands round her neck (allegedly!)

Yes your due date is coming up fast! Don't be scared, you can do it. It'll be lovely to finally see your acrobat, and to feel a bit better. I honestly don't know how you have done 9 months of sickness, pregnancy, house-turmoil on your own.

Acrobat will be a doddle after that.

Hope the last few weeks of pregnancy fly by, waves.

I don't know you in rl but you come across as a gutsy capable person, it is very often those qualities that attract the weak or damaged personalities, because even if they cannot replicate those gifts, they recognise your strength and abilities. They may not admit it but they know the value and are either ultimately jealous or resentful. Being shallow types they may exude outward confidence or likeability, talk the talk and have you doubt yourself, but scratch the surface and they revert to petty bullies.

Am so glad to hear you are looking to stay positive, it has been so tough but you bounce back.

oh waves you are not a 'difficult person' because you have a TB for a mother and a vile bastard ex husband. As others are saying, primary damage reflects in later relationship choices. (I should know! My life has a trail of the most appalling relationships of every description...)

Look at your lovely kids - a testament to what a great person you are if there ever was one. And you will be fabulous with Acrobat, that is so obvious. You are one hard worker, resourceful and just a fab person. That comes across.

I'm not buttering you up btw. I'm known for not gilding the lilly.

keep going sweetheart. You are fab.

waves I second what springy said.

You are going to be busy with acrobat and the other DC, but I really hope that you manage to do the freedom programme, or any other that is recommended by the lovely MNers who have been in your shoes.

I think working on yourself and learning to recognise what is acceptable and what isnt will really help you and the DC.

You have done a fabulous job with DC and it is clear that you are a lovely person with a heart of gold - but with some seriously toxic people in your past.

Thank you for the positive messages. I'm off with my family support worker this morning to find out about court applications for maintenance, and what will happen contact wise. I still need to find a go-between (not a lawyer, FAR too expensive) to mediate between us as I am so much better psychologically having nothing to do with twunt.

34 weeks today, which I celebrated by vomiting spectacularly in the bathroom this morning. Nothing like cleaning up sick splash-back when you feel utterly crap anyway.

Last night I didn't rest wallow in self pity, I went and played music for a local poetry group. It was lovely to do some music again, I only did 4 pieces, but they were so appreciative. Acrobat thoroughly enjoyed the music as well as the poetry judging by his antics. It was tiring, but worth it to have the opportunity to play for some new people, and remind myself how much I love music

Wish me luck for today..... I hope it will alleviate some of the anxiety.

Hope it goes well today waves. Lovely about your music last night.

Fabulous waves what an effort that took last night but very rewarding. Good luck today .

Waves*... Picture your favourite flower, and every day and another petal/dot-to-dot-/line of writing about Acrobat. That's what I did with DTD and DTS when we were warned of a traumatic birth. It's crazy, I know. I used my DSS's crayons and let my heart floe into my truly terrible artwork.words. No one has ever seen them (including DH) But I believe realising my pain into positive energy made DTD that tiny bit stronger to survive. Now I have my Prince and my Wildflower... I'm not making any sense, too broody I'm sorry!!

You, DC and Acrobat will be such a happy family. I know it in my bones.

waves how did today go? Been thinking about you and hoping you have a way forward that doesnt include twunt being an arse or being anywhere near you.

Good luck today honey - on the home straight now & all will be sorted out soon

Today was ok, although discovered how ANCIENT and SEXIST the laws over here are particularly with respect to birth registration. Grrrrr. However, can get maintenance sorted out without needing any legal input, so that will save money. And contact is something he will have to apply for, if he isn't happy with what I suggest.

I am emailing him tomorrow to set out what I want finance and contact wise, and if he is ok with that, then the forms can go to court as soon as acrobat arrives. It does mean court in the early weeks, but if it can be done by consent, then there will be nothing protracted which will help.

My other job tomorrow is to batch cook and freeze a heap of meals. My new tenant (her with lovely bf who strimmed the garden) came along with me to the supermarkets today to give me a hand which was great, so I am stocked up on the ingredients. Just have to hope I can get a little respite from the sickness so I can get on with it all.

I like the idea of the flower. I will steal some of DDs colouring pencils and paper tomorrow, and take some time out to do a basic picture, and add to it daily.

Super tired - such a busy day again. Hoping I don't wake quite so early tomorrow.

So very pleased you made it out to play music waves, I hope that gave you a bit of a lift.

Your new tenant and her boyfriend sound lovely and helpful, I'm really pleased

I just know you will be an amazing mum to acrobat. Your strength and kindness are so clear and will carry your through the hard times.

You are very brave to be batch cooking, I don't know where you find the strength! I have stopped being sick but think the poor diet has left me lacking and I have no energy for anything, I honestly don't know how you keep going!

The tenant does sound a sweet person which proves again nothing 'difficult' about you or why would she willingly spend time helping out.

I was sure I posted last night...

anyway, glad you have some good news re twunt and access. Hopefully he will respond well to your email today and not be true to form. I doubt it, so prepare yourself for his reply.

another step closer to acrobat. x

MinnieBar I can't PM you! MN just won't let me Please PM me about the blanket secret ssssshhhhh

I just love the idea of you playing and acrobat going nuts, waves

ah, music is good for the soul, yes?

I do wonder if you do too much my darling? Just a thought. You seem to be on the go at breakneck point a lot of the time... or am I getting that wrong?

Just saying that ime of a toxic upbringing, I can also be quite manic at times. I have to watch myself. It's as if I'm running and running - to catch up [to the impossible]? to run away? Whatever, I can be manic. Or completely comatose. It's just how it is with me sometimes, I have to watch it.

YOur lodgers sound straight from heaven btw. How lovely they are. (I love them - tell them that from me)

xxxx

Just catching up after a week or two of pesky RL - waves, I can put some more 0-3 in the post if you are short? Found an unused tube of lansinoh which may come I. Handy.

And I'm a knitter. Well, kind of.,. And would love to do a square. Could someone possibly post the details of what to do and I will see if I can get the yarn in Paris.

Thinking of you and hoping bitch/twunt/contact issues are all manageable as the week goes on...

top secret PMs sent

frisky yes, 0 - 3 months clothes would be hugely appreciated - thank you for the offer.

springy, today I feel I have certainly overdone it. I cooked for about 7 hours, and made so many meals, which is a weight off my mind, but it was a bit too much to do. I certainly do feel a bit manic at times. Always trying to keep one ten steps ahead, but not sure what I am keeping ahead of?! Maybe it is a way to try to gain the world's approval or something, which would certainly reflect back to my childhood. I'm the girl who cried when she got her GCSE results because there was one B grade. Never mind all the rest were As and A*s. I only saw the B.

tired so pleased you have stopped being sick, and fingers are crossed that your energy levels improve soon.

I just emailed twunt, will see if he replies tomorrow. Bit worried, but it was necessary, and now it is just a bit of a waiting game.

Next (and final) task of the day is to find a babysitter for Sunday evening so I can attend an antenatal class. I really do need some space and time to mentally prepare for the birth.

Tomorrow, I need (want?) to mow the lawn, and wash some baby bits, but other than that I am really hoping for a quieter day, as today has taken its toll. My nose is also very sore from wearing the clip on it for so long. But no way would I have managed the cooking without it. At least when acrobat is here I will be able to eat well which should help with the milk supply, as I do now have such a lot of frozen meals ready. Which I know are full of really good ingredients and no nasties

Thank you EVERYONE for still being here with me, on what is an exhausting journey.

Yes, exhausting, but the reward will be worth it. On the home straight now.

Why don't you wash the baby things tomorrow, and forget about the lawn?

It's an honour to lurk on the edges of your story - I am sure I am not the only one who thinks 'Wonder how Waves is doing?' every day or so.

You are incredibly strong and courageous and have come soooo far. Can't wait for acrobats arrival and for you to feel well again.

It's ok to just BE too. No doing. Just BE. Your value, like everyone's, is intrinsic, not linked to what you DO. Nothing to prove Waves, we all think your great anyhow!!

Always trying to keep one ten steps ahead, but not sure what I am keeping ahead of?! Maybe it is a way to try to gain the world's approval or something, which would certainly reflect back to my childhood. I'm the girl who cried when she got her GCSE results because there was one B grade. Never mind all the rest were As and A*s. I only saw the B.

yes, yes, YES. Were we separated at birth? ah no, it was our toxic childhoods, that's it

Maybe we need to learn to pace ourselves. At the very thought of that I feel like the boy in the Incredibles at the school race who couldn't gauge how to run at a 'normal' pace...

xxxx