DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Hurrah for not long to go - feeling seriously crappy the past few days. This morning my family support worker took me to the insurance contributions and income tax offices to discuss what has happened re redundancy/maternity leave/twunt leaving etc. First meeting was on the third floor and I needed to be sick and the toilet was on the first floor. No idea how I got down the stairs so fast!!! Anyway, that meeting was pretty ok, and I should be fine so long as I am working again in January.

Income tax was less fun. I need to get a letter signed by twunt confirming that we are separated. They have messed up on codings, which can be remedied, but still a PITA. Anyway, I sent twunt a v brief email just asking if he will sign a letter if I email it as an attachment.

I'm going back to bed in a minute - can't handle being upright as the nausea seems so much worse. Have been sick to the point of disgusting unidentifiable bile today, and that is the stuff that really hurts to come up.

And I am really looking forward to having a lovely story to tell about acrobat's blanket. Hoping that wishes for a lovely long hot summer come true - it would suit us all very well.

Well, it's good that things are being sorted out, but horrid that you are feeling so rough. I hope twunt is co-operative with regard to signing the letter, although he doesn't really have form for co-operation.

Are you still going to the hospital for anti-emetics?

Wow, not long at all now.

Just wanted to add my voice to those saying not to tell twunt about redundancy. He has form for being manipulative and once communication has opened may use the chance to take advantage of your vulnerability and manipulate you again. Just be wary waves, you've been doing so, so well lately.

Twunt replied and no problems on the letter for income tax. He'd already heard about my redundancy. Bad news travels fast and all that!

I'm meant to be just up at hospital twice a week at the moment to see how I get on with a reduced schedule. Not sure whether it is because they are fed up of me (my suspicion), or whether it is to give me a break from the tedium, but things are utterly rubbish at the moment health-wise so I may need an extra trip up there this week.

Now I need to get myself to the shop as there is no milk or bread left. How can a 2 minute trip seem so daunting?

Is there no way to get milk.bread when on school run? Or ask a Mum to get some on way to/from for you?

2 minutes is a long time when you feel awful!

Much sympathy. Hope you make it without, er, incident (and hopefully you won't have to charge down 2 flights of stairs if caught short ...poor you!)

Next time you're up at the hospital, can you ask them to let you have some emergency sick bags? then you could maybe keep a couple in your handbag so you don't have to risk life and limb next time you're caught out.

Glad Twunt is co-operating re. tax forms.

Think of it this way Waves - a newborn is going to be such a doddle compared to now. No, really - I never had hyperemesis but I had SPD with all three and when DC3 finally came along it was so, so much better than particularly the late stages of pregnancy. I can promise this will just become a distant (horrible) memory!

Also, just a little reminder for anyone else who wants to contribute to the blanket to PM me

I really wish I could knit.

There will be many cheers on MN when acrobat arrives. Try to take it easy. Have you managed to con get someone else to clean up the unidentified substance from the kitchen?

I do think that life with a newborn will be a doddle compared to this. Unidentified mess #1 was cleaned up (by me) but this evening there was ANOTHER lot. Reddish this time. I know it was one of the lodgers though, as I heard him drop his dinner. It went everywhere. he cleaned the floor (or the dog licked it up) but I've had to clean the radiator, door frames, doors, fridge, freezer, etc. It even splatted all over DD's (my little artist) current fridge pictures

I've had a long chat with them today about general tidiness and stuff in the house, and they have also let me know they are thinking of moving on. I just reminded them that they need to give me notice per the agreements, and they are fine with that. Just hope that I get new people in quickly if that does happen.

Off to bed/the bathroom very soon. Can't face more hours of being awake and vomiting, but not sure I'll be blessed with sleep just yet. It has been a long, long day.

Thanks to all who are helping with acrobat's blanket - it is so very kind, and will be a very special treasure for him (and me)

it really isnt on to leave the mess cleaning to you! You arent their mother, but landlady. Get tough!

Have PM'd you Waves

Oh FGS - the lodger dropped his dinner and then didn't clean up?? How rude!

Sorry to hear they are thinking of moving on already - that always used to annoy me slightly when it happened to me. Obviously people don't always gel, or they have changed circs that force them to move, but it's still annoying!

Mind you, given the redundancy as well, it might work out perfectly in terms of you deciding to move elsewhere

Depending on the age of the lodgers they have no concept of splashback!! Teenage offspring similar! They all just clear up the main spillage (not very well)!

oh yes, lodgers can be a PITA. I just lost a lodger/house share because I asked him to mow the lawn. He took off for weeks, and has now said he's moving in with his mother! He didn't do a stroke of work in the house the 4 months he was with me - the lawn request (takes 20 minutes! and he's considering being a gardener!) was a step too far it seems.

Anyway, they got you over a hump. You have a good bit of dosh now to consider your options and give you a bit of space. Nothing like money to help you feel calm ime. Worry about money can be such a killer.

I'm so sorry the hyperemesis seems to have stepped up again. It does seem to be linked in part to your general mood would you say? ie it looks like anxiety makes it a loss worse - which stands to reason, of course.

Keep going waves, you are doing so well. Not long now and you won't be nailed to the floor with this awful sickness and vomitting xxxx

Actually, I'm sorry I've appeared to be blase about you losing your job. It hurts at the best of times, quite a blow. Us posters may be able to see that it opens up your options considerably, but being made redundant is pants, regardless what's going on in your life. I hope it isn't long before you can really enjoy the benefits xxxx

hi waves how are you? hope the sick is a bit better again and that you are ok.

You've been v quiet for a few days, which always worries me that TB or Twunt have been on the scene, draining you of your hard earned serenity.

Hi waves, another one hoping tb or twunt hasn't upset you and that pregnancy and everything else is going well.

I'm also a bit worried about you, waves.
Is everything ok?

Hi, it's been a hard week. Just the brief email dialogue with twunt and his total lack of compassion etc was enough to really drain me. The sickness was also horrid up til last night. Today I've only been sick 4 times so a much better day!

I'm really worried about what twunt will be like when acrobat arrives and it's playing on my mind a lot. Knowing that I never knew the real him it is impossible to guess what he will be like. I know that I won't be able to cope with battles once acrobat is here

However, I do have good news. I was weighed at hospital today and have managed to put on 1kg since being weighed a month ago! Tuesday's scan is rescheduled to next Friday but hoping that will give good news too.

I need to get my head back into a more positive place. But I'm genuinely gutted about how uncaring twunt and his family have proved to be, and I'm also very upset about the redundancy. Life feels uncertain, and I feel very vulnerable.

Hi waves, I posted on some of your earlier threads and I'm still rooting for you.

V glad to hear about the weight gain, and I really hope the sickness abates so that you can enjoy the weekend with the DCs.

I think you may surprise yourself with your strength once acrobat arrives and you are dealing with twunt. Also, contact will be v limited for a while anyway because acrobat will need to be with his Mum, so I'd try not to worry about it for now. (Easier said than done I know.)

Getting made redundant is totally shit but it may turn out to be an opportunity for you to move somewhere else (thus helping a bit with the twunt issue) and perhaps start that ice cream business!

Take care of yourself.

I agree with Peonies, you will be strong when acrobat arrives. Stronger, probably, as you'll be physically better then.
I always find unknowns are the scariest things to deal with - and twunt and redundancy are both unknowns at the moment. Once you know what you're dealing with you can start figuring out ways of dealing with things but until then, it just seems so scary.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so raw, waves

The anxiety about twunt is probably general anxiety focusing on something - easy for it to be the shithead.

Remember how well you have done in the hardest of circumstances. You are a survivor, waves. Life has thrown you some horrible curveballs - like Marlon (Nemo's dad), go with it. It's horrible to be rejected but try not to let it go in or take it personally. I know this is nigh impossible but at least acknowledge that what the shit has done has nothing to do with you, everything to do with him. What the TB does has nothing to do with you, all to do with her. What work have done has nothing to do with you, all to do with them.

From here it looks like you're being cut loose. When you're in it it can look frightening and alarming. You don't know the end of the story yet, you can trust that it will be good?

Praying for you xxxxx

Waves I've just read both your threads.

WRT your mum, all I can say is even the most beautiful flowers grow from dirt.

Ditto for Acrobat. (Though half his soil is fancy, nice smelling kind

I am so grateful for the image of beautiful flowers growing from dirt, and it has made me think that actually you need the stinkiest heaps of manure to make things really grow and thrive. So maybe I have had my manure delivery, and now the beautiful growth can begin again.

I made it to my friend's DD's birthday party this afternoon, and caught up with a lovely friend I haven't seen in ages. He has also had a few manure deliveries the past few months, so was good to catch up, and discuss ways of embracing the positive opportunities that are surely there for the taking.

I was late to bed last night as DD's cousin came for a sleepover (why it is called a sleepover I do NOT know), and then acrobat was practising his trampolining skills most of the night (ouchy cervix, ouchy ribs, repeat ad inifinitum.....), so I now have a bath running, and a very early night planned. DD was snoring by 7, and DS will be off to bed any minute. One lodger (red splatter criminal) is back home for 4 nights, and the other is out, so we have a very quiet house which is lovely.

Hoping acrobat decides to have a little bit of a rest this evening, as I am aching with tiredness, but really pleased I made the effort to get to the birthday party.