DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

That all sounds so positive! Don't worry about the singing! We midwives would rather that than screaming any day!

Re the home birth, I am a really laid back community midwife but even I think if the growth has dropped from 10th (low) to 7th centile (very low) your baby will need careful observation during labour & for 24 hours after birth. Having said that there are error margins of 10-15% with estimated fetal weights on scan but if wrong you could go home sooner. But the ultimate choice is yours honey. What do you think?

Waves, you sound so much better in yourself :)

I don't think I have posted on this incarnation of your original thread yet but I do check in on you every morning to see how you are going and ride the roller coaster with you.

Thanks to you all for the words of support and encouragement. Bit of a teary day, but more angry feelings if you understand? I have SO much to sort in terms of my flexible working hours request, childcare, budgets etc, and these are all things that were meant to be done with my husband - who of course should also be sharing the cost. As it is, his maintenance is likely to amount to about 25% of childcare, and I'll be still covering the whole mortgage etc. I can't quite describe how much I want the world to know that he is a selfish fraud.

I don't want to be ruled by anger though, so I am still planning to go away tomorrow with the DCs for 2 nights, journal with me, so I can write up beautiful things about this pregnancy and the excitement the DCs and I are feeling. Well, they are excited, I am still pretty terrified.

Rib pain has returned with a vengeance, so I am planning an early night so I can wriggle in bed to find a relatively comfortable position. Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep.

Hope you sleep well and have a lovely, relaxing few days away.

Have a lovely time Waves, and hope you can get comfortable!

Trying to get comfy, and mulling over a text I received from TB this morning. Simply reads "our sub organist at church has died today of a heart attack. He looked really well on Sunday. Terrible shock for everyone"

I haven't replied because I don't really want to, and I don't actually know why she texted to tell me that anyway. I don't go to that church, so have no idea who has died. All it's done is make me think about dad who also died v suddenly of a heart attack 2 years ago at the same age. I'm worried for mum, as maybe that's where her thoughts are? But I can't be letting my guard slip now. I hate being thrown things like that, don't know what I am meant to do with this information

Hope you are sleeping waves, and not too troubled by the strange text. It will all feel different in the morning. Hope you have some peace from the rib pain too.

Maybe tomorrow will be a 'ladders' day? (just love Thumbwitch's analogy...)

A sobering text (and no enquiry as to your own health) which, as you didn't know the person and given the current state of relations between you and TB, really doesn't require a response.

Hope that pain has eased and you get a good sleep.

How refreshing to have a couple of days' break with DCs. They have had a great week and will enjoy being away with you.

Perhaps she's suggesting that you should consider applying for the position yourself, Waves? Not sure if organist is in your line of music but that might be her thinking; or it might have been because of what happened with your Dad.

If you feel the need to respond, just a simple "How sad. His poor family" will probably convey the necessary without opening up any unwanted dialogue with her.

waves be careful. What seems like an innocent enough text could be her way of manipulating you, I.e, hoping you'll think 'life is short, people can drop down dead at any time, I should really speak to mum again'. Just seems an odd text to send if you don't know the person.

Because you're a good person you're worrying about how this is affecting your mum but just be cautious waves because she hasn't enquirer about your own health or wellbeing in the text AND she hasn't worried about reminding you about your dad's death.

Hope you are enjoying your couple of days away :)

Can't help but think along the same lines as shiningcadence but of course we don't know.

Have a great time waves!

Having a narc mother myself I just know that text was basically all about how she is affected by the organist dying. Poor me, someone I know has died, I'm upset, feel sorry for me.

I think themidwife has it there - I was forgetting that she was that sort of person and thinking about it as though someone with normal emotions and intentions was involved! Ignore it and have a lovely break with the DC! Hope the sickness stays at a minimum for you x

We are away. So lovely to have no chores and to be in a different environment. The DCs have been swimming and after tea we all played monopoly then when DD went to bed I played scrabble with DS. I am feeling pretty sad now as I never thought it would be just us on holiday again, but I guess that is a normal reaction? But, determined to enjoy our couple of days away from home, so keeping my chin up.

Tomorrow I think the DCs will swim again and I'll try to read a book. We may attempt a little walk but I need to take it easy so nowhere too far. Last thing I want is to be collapsing.

Lovely things arrived yesterday and today so I need to say another big thank you to mumsnet. I got some canvas hanging shelves and have started to fill them with clothes for acrobat. Every day his arrival gets closer and it feels more and more real!

Sleep beckons, hoping for sweet dreams to counter the sadness

I hope you're still having a lovely time away. It sounds perfect :) though I know it's against the backdrop of feeling unwell, which must be so tiring.

oh, it sounds blissful! How lovely to get a break

You're doing better than I did on our first holiday post-split. I sat by the pool with tears streaming down my face behind my ray-bans. dd cut the sheets in our villa with a pair of scissors.... grim days.

BUT the sunshine was so good for us all, being able to just 'slip sideways' for a bit was so calm and healing. The sadness and grief is bound to come out so let it roll. xxx (one each )

uh-oh - you have two kids, yes? Hope I've got that right...

oh! and of course another for Acrobat X

I have two DCs yes, who are swimming again this morning.

The tears flowed somewhat yesterday as there was a wedding reception here. It's my first wedding anniversary next month and, well, I didn't imagine that I'd be in this position a year on.

I'm really really worrying about how life will be when acrobat arrives. Terrified of having to have some form of contact with twunt and the grief he can potentially put me through. Also very sad about being in hospital with no husband. I wish I could stop feeling so sad, it's not how I want to feel, I just so want the life I thought I had back, and not to be having a baby alone.

Next week I have lots to do, contact the tax to work out what I should be paying now, get childcare sorted, find out what my hours will be after maternity leave, and make initial enquiries at court to do with access and maintenance. It's scary and horrid and not what I should be doing in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

I'm very angry with him, but can also feel myself relapsing into feelings of self doubt.

It may be babyish of me, but I do resent the fallout when someone does something bad (to me). ie: I think it's bad enough what they did, I resent the months of pain after it. I want to just get on, but one foot is nailed to the floor as I go through the inevitable journey of processing it.

You will be happy again, the sadness will lift. It just does take time. In the meantime, try to enjoy yourself (this is my motto for life, actually!). re the logistics you have to tackle next week, make sure you push aside some time to do some nice things, even if they're small - or large. I think of scales: is there the right balance here? It can't be grim, grim, grim; you have to factor in some good stuff.

I also think self-doubt is par for the bloody course when you're processing it. It shows you're a good, functioning human, really; looking at things from all sides, wondering if there was anything about yourself you missed. imo it can even be a device to lessen the pain of the truth: 'maybe I did something to cause this, in which case I can change it and it won't hurt so much'. The truth can grind a bit

I hope the sun is still shining for you, waves. I find the sunshine a real help, even when I'm feeling horribly shit.

Good morning waves hope you are comfy. The DCs must have had a ball. I know you have tons to do this week but hold onto the memories of the past couple of days.

hi waves lost thread when on hols, just trying to catch up now.

Hope you are having a lovely time away with DC.

We are home now and it was so lovely just to be away.

Re TB text - maybe just reply, sorry to hear that about your friend. Nothing committal, nothing emotional but acknowledging her text.

Shit shit shit shit shit. Friend just let me know that twunt is seeing someone else. The ex gf who I found the text correspondence from way back on January. I'm so hurt. So I reckon there's been something going on all along.

How can he be such a total arse????

How indeed. She will soon be another statistic in his wake.

Honestly Waves, you are so well off out of it. Hurtfull I know

WHAT?!

Stay strong waves don't doubt yourself. Just see every arse-y move he makes as evidence that you're well shot of him

Crying a lot now. Might try to sleep. Feel so hurt and so crap about myself. What sort of man does this? And my poor little acrobat to have a person like this as his father.