DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

((Hug))
want to do a longer post, but for now, am here and listening waves.

Sorry to hear you're feeling beleaguered waves ((big squeeeze))

My darling, I have had lodgers/students for years and at the end of the day, your lodgers have chosen to live in a house with young children. That's the way it goes. I really appreciate your feelings of fear that they may move out (and therefore you'll lose the money) because I've had it myself. It's a fine balancing act but you have to guard you don't end up running your life for the sake of your lodgers. I found that the more I tip-toed around my lodgers, the more they expected. I know it's hard but they need to know their place in the pecking order. You don't have to be harsh, just natural. They aren't the be-all and end-all, they have to expect to muck in and to put up with, eg, early morning noise. It won't be long before they sleep through it as they get used to it.

have you had the rib pain checked out? No wonder you're feeling weepy and overwhelmed - there's nothing like physical pain - with no end in sight - to make you feel overwhelmed and powerless. My heart goes out to you. You have faced all this with tremendous fortitude. If you have the odd moment where you fall off your perch, don't beat yourself up and think 'this is it, I'm finally collapsing' - you're not, it's just a thin moment and it will pass. That's the thing, these awful times always pass. I time will come when this is over.

Loads of love xxx

Thanks all, I'm still crying here, but DD is finally tidying up her side of the bedroom, and DS is very calm. I think I should talk to my lodgers, it may be that they are completely fine with the squabbling, and I am causing myself unnecessary worry. Or they may be genuinely pissed off and looking to give me notice - either way I will know. You are all right of course, they moved in knowing the situation very well.

I really do feel overwhelmed today, and so terribly alone in dealing with all of this. Whatever kind of help I may be reaching out for, there isn't anyone who can sort out a squabble at 6am, or who will be here for a chat at 2am when acrobat is here and I am feeding or trying to settle him.

My friend is round in a bit with her DCs so at least my two will be entertained. And maybe I won't put on a brave face, and let her know how scared and lonely I feel just now. And FED UP of being sick, and fed up of being told how tiny I still look.

Ah well, another day to get through, then tomorrow I reach 31 weeks. And see my consultant again for a proper appointment as opposed to a quick catch up on the ward.

Morning Waves - finally, I'm not on the mobile so can type out a longer message!

You poor thing: what a rotten morning. I think we all have those, and most of us won't have had to deal with a tenth of what you're coping with. So you should feel incredibly proud that the wobbly moments come relatively rarely...I have found that sometimes, breaking down and losing it in front of the DCs is no bad thing - it can jolt mine out of bickering mode, and into something approaching far better behaviour. They stop seeing everything as being about them...

As for the lodgers - well, we had two student lodgers crammed into our spare room all the time my sister and I were growing up. And we had rows and bickered and shouted and screamed and fought like you wouldn't imagine. Our lodgers quite liked it, weirdly - they used to say to my mum how glad they were that they weren't in a household that stood on ceremony and where they felt constantly out of place. They had friends who were lodging in very po-faced, quiet homes with houseproud landlady-owners, and felt that they were constantly being judged for their tidiness/the hours they kept etc etc and weren't at all comfortable with it.

Once the baby comes - well, again, I'm struck by things friends of mine have said when they come to stay here and our baby cries. They all agree that there's something really quite smug about waking in the night, hearing a baby cry, thinking, 'Hah - not my problem', and that they have no difficulty rolling over and going straight back to sleep. Maybe they're just being tactful....but they do come back and stay time and again so it can't be a big problem.

I'm really crossing my fingers that the package gets through to you from France some time soon this week. There's a little treat for your bathtimes, plus some stuff that might come in useful at the hospital etc

Oh waves, you poor thing. These things are sent to try us at our weakest moments sometimes!

Re. lodgers - as others have said, they knew what they were getting into re. children in the house when they took the rooms and I'm sure, if it's not a daily occurrence, they will be fine.

Re. Acrobat and night noise - have you considered co-sleeping? Done safely, it's great and really cuts down on any crying (IME) - I co-slept with both my boys until around 6m (well, still am with DS2 and he's 7.5m now) and there was next to no night noise from either of them.
If it's something you'd not thought of, then it might be worth considering?

Re. DC wanting Twunt back - you were all emotional this morning, from one thing and another. The DC are probably a little unsettled by your continuing illness with this pregnancy, and from the general upheaval - so they're "acting out" and they've just lashed out. I'm sure, in the cold light of rationality, that they would not want him back in your home, nor his sons - they're just finding things to say that are likely to wound. I have no idea why children feel the need to say things that wound (I used to do it too, don't get me wrong, still don't know why!) - my 5yo DS1 told me the other day that it was ok for Daddy to be mean to me but not for me to be mean to Daddy (trivial - he'd left the bins in front of my car again). He's also told me in the past that I can go and find somewhere else to live, after I've told him off/to do something he doesn't want to. They just caught you on the raw this morning - let it go though.

(((hugs))) as always. xx

Chin up Waves, you are on the home straight, and I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are doing brilliantly in the hardest of circumstances.

hugs Waves I wrote you a big long post but seem to have forgotten to actually press post! glad things have calmed a little, really thinking of you. it will get easier, and I think it is worth you talking to your lodges as hopefully they can put your mind at rest. I went away on holiday with tiny babies there and we weren't disturbed at all. and h used to sleep through ds screaming in the night and our walls are paper thin and the house is tiny

life will feel so much easier when you are feeling better. ok not easy perhaps, but definitely not as hard. I struggled to cope with hyperemesis with no children!

Thank you everyone for your kind words today. I survived the day, albeit with a return to almost constant vomiting and retching, and the DCs are now tucked up in bed - where I will be headed very shortly. Tomorrow I see my consultant, so I will give a progress report on acrobat tomorrow at some stage

I have a night off tomorrow - the DCs are off for a sleepover at my friend's house (all were desperate, and it will be a good practise run should I need her help when acrobat arrives), so no arguments about bedtime, and no morning squabbles on Wednesday! They are also off to another friend's for the day tomorrow, so they aren't being dragged up to the consultant and then to hospital.

One lodger is sick with the tummy upset, but I will chat to them all once things are a bit more stable. Poorly lodger had to cope with me in floods of tears this morning, I think they really do understand what a hard time this is for me, which is something.

I am excited about the arrival of a package from France - it will take me back to my school days when I had French pen friends. It was always so exciting to receive letters postmarked France!

I am planning to co-sleep which I did with DD. I have all the up to date safe co-sleeping guidelines, and have already moved my bedroom furniture round so the bed is safe. I am worried mostly because DD was a very unsettled baby - I had to be induced with her early, then she had a very bad case of reflux and was under the care of a paediatrician for about 8 months. She wouldn't be put down at all without crying, and was sick all the time. So, hoping that acrobat is more like his big brother who was such a calm and settled baby with no health problems at all (DD also had asthma, and we went to a cranial osteopath too which helped a lot with the lying down issues). And when she was about 4 or 5 months old their dad left, so I suppose the period of time has a sense of trauma stamped on it.

I am planning to do a lovely cream tea once acrobat is here. I will be able to enjoy it, and hopefully I can invite round the friends who have been helping me, and, of course, my lodgers, and I think that will be a good way to say thank you. Home made icecream will also be on the menu I guess....

Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep, and a much better day tomorrow, including a hopefully positive meeting with my consultant. I get to see Acrobat on screen again which will be lovely - it is 6 weeks since I last had a scan I think, so that is something to look forward to.

Hope you sleep, waves. Thinking of you

sending truckloads of good sleep vibes

btw I've just remembered a wimmin's camp thingy I went on last year. I was in a room with 3 women and a baby (sounds like a film). The baby woke in the night, apparently, and cried a lot. I didn't hear a thing!

I got a good sleep and this morning there has been no squabbling, just chilled-outness, so that is a relief.

I have taken on board the advice not to tip-toe around my lodgers so much - from this day forwards, I will use my washing machine when I need to, and the same with my kitchen and bathroom, and stop WORRYING that it might not be 100% convenient for the lodgers if I do so at that precise moment.

Seeing my consultant in 3 hours...quite excited if a little nervous to be honest. AND all being relatively well health wise, the DCs and I are going to have a couple of night's away on Friday - very bargainous stay has been identified, and I think it will do us good to have 2 nights away from home stresses and worries. Even if I am sick all the time, I won't need to worry about dishes or chores, or even lodgers.

I am also pleased to report 18 days of no contact with twunt. Still no contact with TB (mum) either which is great. However, I did discover that she went to a party that DS was invited to on Saturday, and actually was the person who dropped him home. Apparently she told DS that she cannot apologise to me as she doesn't know what to apologise for . Poor DS being caught up in this, but bless him, he told just to say sorry anyway.

Right, time to get myself dressed and ready. 31 weeks today!

Have a good day seeing your little Acrobat again. Well done your DS. What a little star he is. And about TB forcing her contact onto him behind your back. One day, when you're ready, I do think a move well away from her (and HIM) would be for the best for you all.

Pleased you're getting away for a couple of days. As you said a few days ago - enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy as much as you are able.

De-lighted to hear you got a good sleep! yay!

HOw old is your DS? the TB should NOT be involving him in the stuff between you and her

How about she DROVE OVER YOUR FOOT as something to apologise for???

Anyway, it's pissing in the wind with these types - they will never apologise for anything, it's always somebody else's fault, so it's useless to try to squeeze one out of them. I am just very cross your boy is getting dragged into this by his granny.

It is NOT GOOD for him to hear a toxic version of his mum. I hate to say it, but I'm on the other side of my kids hearing toxic versions of me and erm it hasn't panned out well...

Sorry for the shouting.

Congratulations on your 31wk erm anniversary - no, not that - erm birthday - no, not that either. ok, congratulations on 31 weeks you star woman

All the best with the consultant later. And I do hope you get that little trip away. How lovely xxx

Hello waves happy 31st week

Am glad DCs good-natured this morning and that you'll get to see their baby brother on screen later.

Oh nice try, Nanna, butter wouldn't melt I'm sure. Unfortunately as springy says it shouldn't stick in his head but children won't automatically weed out untruths from truths especially from hitherto trusted adults. You can't get DS involved playing conversational ping pong but if it happens again I'd certainly rebut any comments he repeats from her in a calm shake-head-well-that's-daft sort of way.

I admire you for mastering 'no contact' stuff, it really helps you stay on track and keeps only positive influences around you.

Pleased to report that all is well with acrobat. He's still very little, but is growing, despite my total lack of weight gain. As a result I have another scan in 3 weeks time. My consultant gave me some photos from the scan but they aren't very good because he was in a perfect birth position, head in my pelvis, and back to my tummy. Still lots of wriggly time, but he really has no excuse (now that he's been seen in that position) not to be just as perfectly positioned when it's his birthday.

My DS is 9, and I am very cross on his behalf in respect of the TB situation. However, I am not going to worry about it too much - I am learning that some people will never apologise because their view of life is completely warped and they genuinely don't feel any need to make amends of any sort. I just need to restrict contact as far as possible, as I really don't want them to be growing up hearing any more toxic rubbish about me.

The DCs are round at a friend's at the moment - she is really lovely and was planning to take them to see her horse at some stage. I'll be collecting them from her, then taking them to my other friend for the sleepover.

Good news about the acrobat, waves. So pleased he's doing well. And 'only' another 9 weeks or so for you - I cann't understand how you have kept going like this.

TB will never apologise, she doesn't see what she's done. Even if you spell it out to her, her behaviour will (in her eyes) be fine.

Hope you have a lovely couple of days off. You do deserve it!

It's time to relax - and the sun has come out. DCs are at my friend's now and ridiculously excited about the sleepover. My DD not only saw my other friend's horse, but had a little ride on her! My friend said they were impeccably behaved and she would love to have them back anytime at all - her boys are older now and I think she enjoyed having slightly smaller people round. She has also offered DD a few riding lessons over the summer holidays which would be amazing, as it is something she has been desperate for, but we are never going to be able to afford.

DS was impressed with his morning as my friend's boys are all very technology orientated, so have lots of games consoles. He announced, as I dropped him off for the sleepover, that he is having the best day of his life.

I think I might start planning my hospital bag this evening - whilst I have always wanted a home birth, my consultant was extremely anti the idea at my appointment this morning, given acrobat is small (around 7th centile now, down from 10th at the last scan) and that my pregnancy has been so difficult. However, I shall be turning up at hospital with my own pillows, duvet, music, massage oils, pictures, and potentially a lot of fabric to drape over scary hospital equipment (might actually need a hospital trailer as opposed to just a bag?!). And the midwives will have to cope with me singing through my labour too. Poor things. Maybe I should take some ear plugs along for them to use?

Great to hear you sounding so much more cheerful, Waves! Sounds like the DCs are having a great time. Understand completely about dd's riding - when I was about 10, I used to go and help at the local stables in exchange for free rides!

Love the sound of your birth approach with your own music, oils, fabric and loud singing too!

Great news from your hospital appointment. at you arriving at hospital with a trailer for your gear. Maybe speak to your midwife if you are still wanting a home birth - hospital consultants have no experience of home delivery and generally try to talk women out of it so don't hold too much store by what he/she says if it is something you would really want.

Your mother is outrageous - truly! She just confirms again and again that she is not to be trusted around you or your children.

Glad you're having a nice day.

glad to hear about your little acrobat, waves, and so pleased life feels encouraging today :-)

Great news about acrobat

I bet you glowed with pride when your friend referred to your two as "impeccably behaved". Isn't it great when a DC comes out with a "best day of my life" comment.

Must say you sound very organised waves and that bag of comforts for hospital will soften the environment.

Have a good day today x

Donkeys I did feel ever so proud when my friend said my two were impeccably behaved. She said they were so quiet she kept forgetting they were there. She didn't refer to them as "robots" either.

Apparently the sleepover has been amazing - still waiting for them to return from that, before the family support worker comes round to see us at 12.

I feel really REALLY sick today, so hoping it will be a nice quiet one for us - not a huge amount to do, other than get through it. I managed to make some home made mint choc chip icecream yesterday evening (one of the lodgers offered me some milk that was running out of date yesterday so that was perfect - free and put to good use), so I don't need to do any cooking.

I really need to attempt to get to Boots as I joined the parenting club and have a free change bag to collect, but not convinced that I am quite up to it today. It's not good going out on bad days as I have to take my "sick kit" with me - vomiting in public is horrid.

I know I've said this before but wow, waves - you're sounding fantastically upbeat again!

Look at all this a bit like snakes and ladders - you'll be progressing beautifully along, occasional ladder (like today :) ) - and then you'll hit the occasional snake. But as time goes on, the snakes start to get shorter, and eventually disappear. The ladders are the same as always in life - sometimes you can go ages without getting one, sometimes you'll get lots, some will only be a stepstool and others will be big enough to reach the roof. Today's was definitely at least an upstairs window ladder

Wonderful friend, and great decision re. the lodgers - when all's said and done, it's still YOUR home, you need to feel AT home in it. :)