DH said, DH left, waves is still being sick but into the third timester

[wavesandsmiles]

I haven't been around here for a while, as I was worried that twunt was reading MN to find out what my thoughts/plans were. He may very well still be doing that, but he's gone now, and my new mission is to reach out for as much support as possible (trying to see it as a sign of strength to ask for help rather than a sign of failure), so here I am.

Back in January DH (hitherto referred to as twunt), told me I had to fix the marriage etc, then within days I found out he'd been texting OW to say our marriage was over, researching late abortions etc. This was when I was 14 weeks pregnant. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant, and still have hyperemesis, necessitating almost daily visits to hospital for IV meds and fluids. Twunt left just over a month ago, and I now have lodgers in, which is helping with the mortgage.

I'm trying to be strong for my DCs, but at times it all gets rather overwhelming....especially as it is not really that long to go until my little acrobat makes an appearance. Before then I am on a twunt detox, and am trying to have no contact with him whatsoever. My DCs are being very good (most of the time), despite having to cope with their step dad (who planned to adopt them) just disappearing, and me being so ill all the time. But it is obviously challenging for them.

Terrified of the summer when acrobat arrives and the inevitably of facing up to a form of contact with the utter shite who left me in this predicament - our baby was wanted, and planned for. Lots of other practicalities to consider too, and considering investing in a diary so that I can put things onto paper rather than leave things spinning around in my head....

Anyway, I'm back, and hoping that there will be some virtual hands to hold as I continue to battle the hyperemesis, hormones and general challenges of the final trimester, and the impact of the not so "D" H's departure.

Waves, its just a little setback, dont contact him - you know it will only make you feel worse. And dont worry about him taking acrobat away, he cant do it for a while, so dont be thinking of worst case scenarios at the moment. Your DC have you - kids are resilient little things. They will be fine.

Your DCs will have seen how twunt was with his own boys - impatient, telling them to shut up, swearing at them when he'd had enough, encouraging them to misbehave etc. Rather than jealous, they may feel rather sorry for Acrobat having to go off with him; and as Acrobat gets older he may not wish to go and be separated from his siblings to spend time with someone who will probably not have a lot of time or consideration for him.

Anyway, that's jumping far too far ahead. It may be well over a year before Acrobat can spend more than a couple of hours with him. Panic not. Get through the next few weeks first. Well done for the FB block. Keep all ties severed, any contact makes everything worse.

I'm feeling a bit more positive today. What a relief! My family support worker is going to make an appointment for us to have a chat at court with someone about how and when we can arrange applications for maintenance and access. She is being so helpful in terms of sorting out this sort of thing. And I am also going to need to sort out the actual legal ending of the marriage, but that is something which feels a little too overwhelming at the moment, and realistically there won't be a clean break exactly at this stage. Reason for this is that on my income alone I cannot have the mortgage in my own name, so best result would be twunt signing over all but a £1 interest in the house to me but remaining on the mortgage until acrobat is 18 or something like that.

Anyway, that is something there is no point worrying about at this stage. All I really know is that I won't be asking a lawyer for advice - was too badly burned the last time, at the start of all this, when she racked up a bill of £890 for giving me absolutely no useful advice, filling in financial forms for me at the time which she then said we wouldn't exchange til JULY when acrobat was born and a maintenance application could be made at the same time, meaning all the information she put in the forms was completely out of date. Grrrrrr. I am having to pay that bill off in monthly installments, and am pretty cross about it all.

The main reason for my feelings of positivity is that I had a wonderful 2 hour meeting with my doula last night. We spent so much time talking about my wonderful little acrobat, and making plans for the remainder of the pregnancy and the birth. I am now determined, despite the feelings of grief I have over the loss of my relationship, and the loss of my health due to the pregnancy, to try and find some joy in the remaining weeks. She is running a Wise Woman workshop next month which I hope to attend, and we even discussed her making a cast of my bump which we can then mosaic perhaps

Oh, and my family support worker is meeting my DCs next week as it is half term. She listened to my worries yesterday about how they may feel about seeing their brother going off with twunt at some stage. Firstly she reassured me that he won't be able to do that for a good while, and definitely no overnights until he is older, and also that she will be a listening ear for them both before and after acrobat's arrival. I think the way she is talking, we will have to enable twunt to see the baby once when it is first born, but then there won't be contact until acrobat is 6 weeks old, when it will probably be just for an hour once a week, with me there, in a neutral place like the cafe up the road from me. As acrobat settles into a routine, he would be able to take acrobat for an hour by himself, and then there would be the possibility of extending that, based on feeds etc, once the baby is nearer 6 months. So, no need to worry immediately about that.

What an essay I have produced! Off to hospital in a couple of hours, then a quiet day ahead. Acrobat is back up in my ribs so I imagine I will be spending a lot of today in weird stretched out positions.

(I also don't want to see twunt anymore, the fb block obviously helped!)

Well done Waves, you sound really positive. Best thing now is just 'wait and see' i suppose.
at the sols bill!

fantastic news. I knew that when you had some proper RL help you would feel better about everything! Despite us all writing on here that it wouldnt happen (re twunt and acrobat being away from you for a while) it makes it better when it is face to face with someone who you can trust.

Good luck at hospital, hope acrobat moves away from your ribs.

Excellent very uplifting waves.

You are (thankfully) sounding a lot more positive at the moment Waves, hopefully this will continue for the forseeable future.

Such a lovely update. It's so good to hear you sounding positive and happier. Your doula sounds like a wise woman and your family support workers sounds so helpful too.

Have a nice day and a good weekend.

What a fantastic and positive update, Waves! Shame about the solicitor's bill, for sure and your family support worker sounds amazing, as does your doula.

You are doing so well, lovely lady - keep going! :)

You sound fantastic! The doula & FSW are obviously making a huge difference & giving you confidence about the future. That's great!!

A lovely post, its good to hear you are feeling positive and have good some support

Am glad to hear you so determined to get some joy out of these last few weeks of pregnancy

Onwards and upwards, Waves!

hi waves, just checking in to see what you have planned for this last bankhols weekend? We are off to Scotland but I will still be around (taking ipad with me) so I cam kept saneish.

Not a lot of plans for the weekend - which of course I now realise is the last bank holiday where we are a family of just 3. Come the end of August bank holiday, Acrobat will be here with us!

I'm hoping to have my friend and her DCs round for a bit tomorrow, then the rest of the week is half term so I will be sending my DCs off to various other people where possible so that they don't have to come to consultant or hospital appointments with me.

Yesterday and last night saw a return of the excrutiating rib pain, but this morning it's gone which is a relief. This evening I will hopefully make some progress on sorting out baby clothes and stuff I need to put in my hospital bag. I still find it a bit that I am doing this alone, but it must be better than it would have been if Twunt was still around.

We made homemade sorbet yesterday - there was a lot of fruit drastically reduced at the local co-op, so I bought heaps and have made some yummy sorbets. It is great to have found something I can make from scratch which doesn't involve strong smells (setting off the sickness) and which the DCs can enjoy helping prepare, and eating. I think in the freezer we now have the following that I have made in the last few weeks:

strawberry ripple icecream
strawberry and banana icecream
peanut butter and banana icecream
pistachio icecream
banana frozen yoghurt
peach and honey frozen yoghurt
strawberry and melon sorbet
melon and pineapple sorbet
kiwi and strawberry sorbet
raspberry and blueberry sorbet

Today's experiment is kiwi and raspberry sorbet, then we will make some home made mint choc chip tomorrow.

Right, the toilet is begging me to go share my stomach contents with it, so I must oblige. Many thanks again for all your ongoing support Would be so SO much harder if I didn't have you all

I still think you should start a homemade ice cream & sorbet business! When you've had acrobat of course!!

Morning. We are almostinscotland already. Am v jealous of your freezer contents. Scrummy ice cream.

yeah yeah to an ice-cream / sorbet business. What a wonderful selection of flavours. Hope you have a lovely BH weekend / week with the DCs and not too much time up at the hospital.

Lovely freezer contents, waves! Glad the pain eased off again.

Wow to the icecream/sorbet making! Fantastic, hope the summer is good enough for you to enjoy it all properly :)

Bugger that the rib pain came back - I expect Acrobat was lying on a nerve or something - hope that doesn't happen too often for you.

You are sounding a heap better, much more philosophical about things, even though you have sad times, you're coming out of them better. This is great! Huge advances.

(((hugs))) xx

Thumbwitch is right, you do sound so much better waves.

I'm awestruck by the wonderful sounding things in your freezer... does sound like a possible business in the making :) who knows!

Step (leap) back this morning Have been crying my eyes out. Kids were squabbling and DD turned her voice up to megaphone mode, and I was tired, and stressed as the lodgers were all out last night and I expect wanting a lie in. I just burst into tears and started saying how we HAVE to be respectful of other people in the house, because who would want to live somewhere that they get woken up so early, and end of the day if the lodgers move out, we are stuck entirely in terms of somewhere to live. And if we don't have a home, then they might have to move schools, and we can't keep all our pets.

I then got myself even more upset, and was crying and crying in bed, and thinking I can't do this. I really can't. And I can't confide in anyone in RL because they will treat me as having MH problems again. But I really feel completely overwhelmed.

I don't want to be single mum to 3 children. I don't want to have a baby by myself. I'm completely terrified. I don't know how I will manage my stress levels re the lodgers when acrobat is waking up in the night, or crying. I don't know how I will have energy to keep the house clean and my DCs entertained.

Anyway, DD says she doesn't want the lodgers anymore. She wants twunt, or someone like him here so we don't have to worry. And DS wants twunt back because when DD was playing up so badly this morning, he said that twunt would have managed to sort her out, instead of me struggling whilst ill and pregnant.

Failure much? I have been awake since 6.30 after another very disturbed night, failing to keep the children quiet, hearing that they'd be happier if twunt was back, panicking about how I will manage when acrobat is here, regretting EVERYTHING, and my thoughts even turning to ending it all. Because I can't see how I can actually get through this. And it won't be easier when acrobat is here. I will not have much sleep, my DCs will be bored, I will be stressed about the lodgers, and I will have to have dealings with twunt again.

I'm scared and just want to collapse back in bed.

Aah Waves it's not a step back nor a leap, but just a challenging morning. I'm not surprised that you can't always be Perfect Mum hyperemesis is very debilitating.

Your DC are entitled to make a bit of noise and squabble in their own home and I'm sure that the lodgers appreciate that - if not bribe them with ice cream. DC don't want twunt they just want stability and that is what YOU are providing. He was only putting on a show for you all.

I posted before about my hyperemesis resulting in premature birth and you have been amazing - over 30 weeks now and you will get your health back as soon as Acrobat arrives. All this will seem like a bad dream once you hold him and see the love from the DC when they see their brother. Not long now ...

Won't lie to you waves you've had a tough time and things aren't going to improve overnight. But you have already been brave and kept you 3 (and Acrobat) afloat, don't lose heart now.

Plus you are tired of feeling so awful which is utterly draining - a baby brings sleep deprivation but you won't be retching - as VeryTattyMum says you have battled for over 30 weeks no wonder you are fed up!

Twunt wouldn't ride in on a white horse and magically sort out everyone and everything. Your DCs bless them have short memories re: Twunt and anyway don't know half of what went on.

Children are often surprisingly resistant to change and cling to what they (think they) know. Any parent not just a single one knows the dread of "I'm so BORED" at weekends and holidays. They won't die from tedium.

They have seen you sick and struggling with this pregnancy but in their hearts know you are doing their best. If you wanted to really affect them you would have said stuff continuity and upped sticks to a new habitat miles from everything they know and are familiar with. So they can lump this.

Your lodgers moved in knowing you have DCs and a baby is on the way. My own sister used to bring ear plugs when staying with us if she wanted to sleep in as the rest of us got up and ready. They may decide they want to give notice and move elsewhere that's up to them. Another lodger would soon come along.

You are in an incredibly tough situation. Of course you're going to feel like this. The kids will reflect & change their views I'm sure. Meanwhile you can only do your best to get through it until you feel better physically. So sorry love

Waves it WILL get easier. Being ill so much is beyond debilitating and that will end once acrobat is here. Yes you will have some broken nights, but you will still get plenty of sleep and your days won't be long drawn out affairs throwing up or endless hours in the hospital.

They don't want twunt. Sure they want stability. They sense you are stressed, but twunt was pretty evil towards them in those last couple of months. Your lodgers will understand - they did after all take a room in your house knowing you had two kids and a baby on the way. They won't be expecting you all to be invisible in your own home. If you're worried about that - chat to them about it and I'm sure you'll find they are very happy with it.

Hang on in there. Another week done, just a few left of this hideous sickness. And do speak to people in RL. All of us have felt overwhelmed at times and they will want to help.