I can't be fucked to name change. Follow on from DPs ex has cancer. Just found a suitcase in his room.

[SirBoobAlot]

I've been drinking. Don't care.

Was round at his housemates, needed some hand cream, knew he had some E45 in his room, went to get some. Found a purple suitcase on his bed. Dress on top of it. Full of various 'girly' outfits inside. He told me he was out with someone work related last night.

The bastard has lied to me before, and now he is totally fucking me over.

We were supposed to be going out tomorrow night. He told me today that he couldn't, as he had 'football' plans.

I need to tell him to get fucked, but I feel broken.

I', 21, disabled, with a three year old son. He told me he loved me. I believed him. I feel like a complete dick. He said he loved me. I believed him.

Please, either tell me to think rationally and that I'm over reacting, or that I'm being taken for a ride. Because I can't handle this any more.

So his story is that a work colleague stayed over in his bed? Why though? Where did he supposedly sleep? And if it was for a work reason, why not stay in a hotel? Makes no sense. Had he changed the sheets do you know? If they were the same that had been on for a while then it definitely wasn't a doing a friend a favour thing.

Sirboobalot- i can relate so much to what you are going through.when i was 21 i met a 37y/o charming Canadian guy. He was successful, intelligent, funny, accomplished and the chemistry was through the roof...
He built me up, made me feel special.....
then he ripped out my heart and pissed all over it.

I look back now and think, how was he able to get me to even give him a chance again after the first time i even suspected him being dishonest? He had a way of making me feel that maybe i was the one being unreasonable. Anyway turns out he had two of us for quite some time and couldn't wouldn't decide between us.
After feeling like my heart could never love again i met my (now DH).
You are going to be fine- better than fine! Without him taking you on this emotional roller coaster.

Hi Boob. I also pick the wankers It's not fair! I've decided to go and get help in the hopes that I can break the pattern of picking bastards.

I am also young, and am yet to have a healthy relationship. I see being young as a positive, as it means I can sort myself out and have a proper healthy relationship before its too late.

You need to decide what will make you happy.

Could you do a course or something?

You could also try doing a MN meet up to meet more people?

I hope your feeling a bit better this morning

Thanks all. Don't feel quite as horrific as I possibly should - yet.

Ehric - they were fresh sheets, and his room was pretty much spotless. So the someone from work thing is plausible on that level. But the covers were ruffled, her shampoo and conditioner were on his bedside cabinet, and flatmate said no one was asleep on the sofa when she left before him yesterday morning. So she had obviously slept in his bed. With him. And he will tell me it was perfectly innocent and that he was doing a friend a favour, same as he did last time something like this happened - except that time it was his ex, and it was the flat mate who told me she had slept in his bed. His explanation then was "We've just got a new sofa, I don't want anyone sleeping on it. I slept as far away from her as possible. We were together for X years, SirBoob, I'm capable of laying next to her and not having sex, you know.".

Rant there. Sorry.

He has offered no explanation of what is going on, just the original text he sent me about it being X from work-related-location. Hasn't contacted me at all, actually. So he's obviously far too busy to give a shit about how I am feeling right now. Either that, or he sees his explanation as sufficient and doesn't see the need to say anything further.

My mum has DS this afternoon, I'm tempted to go and see what he has to say, but at the same time, don't think I want to hear it.

He's a tosser. You know it, really. He let his ex sleep in his bed? And now someone from work? Does he think it's every woman's dream to be in his bed or something?

I'm the same age as you, so I won't tell you that you're young. I feel old! But I will say there are nice guys out there. I've only ever found the one (and fingers crossed I won't ever need to look again!) but it's just so easy. No crying, no pain, no weird people in his bed. It's just easy, and loving, and worth it.

He's not, so leave his lying ass.

Don't go round there. It's not worth the humiliation of him knowing at you care. It's time to brace those shoulders, stick your chin in the air and learn not to give a fuck. No more contact. Nothing. Delete his number and get on with your life.

I'm tempted to go and see what he has to say

Don't.

Why would you put any value on anything he has to say?

If you do plan to ever speak or have contact with him again, then at the very least, make him initiate it.

No, you're all right.

Just don't know if I'm actually strong enough to walk away.

You are a strong young woman.

What if this had happened to another poster? What would your advice be to them?

I'd tell them to leave the bastard, probably.

Hi Boob! You are strong enough, deep down you know it.

but why would you stay, OP?

WHY?

You clearly have had doubts for a while since you are much quicker to believe your own instincts than trust his explanations. His stories are so extreme and complicated I doubt he is in touch with the truth himself. Most people do not lead such lives and living in a shared house in 40's is in itself a bit unusual. Honestly , you can do better , both you and your ds certainly deserve to have more positive energy in his life than this man is prepared to offer.

Because he's been there for me. After each therapy session ended, he'd have a hug and a cup of tea waiting for me. Every week, for six months, he'd go over it all with me so I didn't go home a mess.

He's the one that encouraged me to get back into studying again, even if it's just self taught, when I'd started to feel like I was incapable of ever being as bright as I was before getting ill.

He's been there for every hospital appointment, held my hand when they were putting me to sleep for my operation, asked the questions he knew I wanted to ask but had forgotten to do so.

Because he's made me feel like it's okay to be me, that I don't have to be ashamed of who I am any more. I know now I can feel that way without him, but he started that process for me.

Because we have the most amazing discussions together, going from sex to philosophy to history to dreams within minutes, and still knowing exactly what we both mean.

I could continue. He's being a right wanker, and I'm not sure exactly what his explanation of this particular situation will be, but as ever online, there is more than you see written on a screen.

But then there is also more crap that I haven't covered here either.

Don't waste another second of your life! You and your dc are worth so much more than this.

It is difficult when kids are involved. Be strong. Tell him where it's at. Don't put up with his bullshit any longer. He's playing you like a fool. I have had my fair share of putting up with cheating, disrespect and then sweet talking to get back into my 'good books'. I wish I hadn't wasted my time with my ex, but that/those experiences have made me stronger, harder, wiser.

Is there anywhere you and dc can go to keep away for a while? I really think you need to think logically about this. Difficult, I know, there is so much emotion mixed into this. Ask yourself, why should you stay with a man who is disloyal, unfaithful, disrespectful? Why?

Thinking of you. Let us know how you get on. Stay strong! X

LIZS in his defense, there is a completely understandable reason why he is in the position of sharing a flat. It's something that gets him down a lot.

Cross posted. Sorry

If he is such a nice guy, why is he now being such a wanker?

You don't need to do anything. Ignore him. You must seize your anger and keep on building on the good things the relationship gave you. He hasn't said anything because he hasn't been able to come up with a plausible lie yet.

You are mature, wise and strong, you can do this.

Without fully knowing/understanding your situation, why does your partner not live with you?

I don't know. My immediate thought is that I've fucked up somewhere, and have become not good enough, but I can't work out when.

I really could do with getting away for a little while, as I will have to go past the area he works in pretty much every day this week.

We don't live together because, as much as he has met DS, and they get on well, I don't want to introduce anyone into our dynamic on a daily basis. DS is still very young. He stayed here for a week when moving houses, and we've been on holiday together. But I don't want anyone else living with us right now.

I do recall the other thread but not whether he went straight from ex p to a relationship with you or if there was time between. You are clearly vulnerable but bright and as you recover, seeking more than he offers. Acts of kindness are so not rare that you won't find another who can offer same if not more. Please don't set your ceiling so low at such as young age and settle for someone you cannot trust.

Yes. All that. But he's shagging someone else

That cancels out everything at the most basic level.

People are multi-faceted. He can be great at practical support (sometimes), discussions and sex but crap at truth and fidelity. Some people can manage all of it!