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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I can't be fucked to name change. Follow on from DPs ex has cancer. Just found a suitcase in his room.

197 replies

SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2013 21:22

I've been drinking. Don't care.

Was round at his housemates, needed some hand cream, knew he had some E45 in his room, went to get some. Found a purple suitcase on his bed. Dress on top of it. Full of various 'girly' outfits inside. He told me he was out with someone work related last night.

The bastard has lied to me before, and now he is totally fucking me over.

We were supposed to be going out tomorrow night. He told me today that he couldn't, as he had 'football' plans.

I need to tell him to get fucked, but I feel broken.

I', 21, disabled, with a three year old son. He told me he loved me. I believed him. I feel like a complete dick. He said he loved me. I believed him.

Please, either tell me to think rationally and that I'm over reacting, or that I'm being taken for a ride. Because I can't handle this any more.

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteagain · 27/04/2013 22:32

And also, I'm really sorry you have had a shit day or so. >>>hugs

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2013 22:34

Am just going to divert from my self indulgent drivel here, married, to tell you that no one is ''absolute crap at breast feeding''. Please don't feel that way about yourself. x

OP posts:
Portofino · 27/04/2013 22:35

Agree with squeaky toy. I put up with all sorts in my 20s, not all necessarily bad. I found confidence in my 30s, got a new relationship, had dd aged 35. Your life is not over because you found a bad'un aged 21. The world is your oyster. All you need is the confidence to get out there and live it.

ClaraOswald · 27/04/2013 22:35

You are 21 and have achieved more than a lot of people your age who don't have your health problems.

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 27/04/2013 22:36

Is that where you got the idea for your MN name then Boob? Makes sense if so Grin

On a serious note you are great, he isn't. Kick him to the kerb! move on and move up and you will be happy.

I'm a young un too, I also have a 3 year old but I have no partner and I'm getting on with it but you have done alot more then me! I need to step up my game Grin

Portofino · 27/04/2013 22:37

I tried very hard to bf and it did not work. I would have loved to have met someone like you at the time. It is REALLY important what you are doing.

marriedinwhiteagain · 27/04/2013 22:39

Woah SirBoob my two are 18 and nearly 15. I got over it and won't be doing it again. Didn't mean to hijack - just trying to put it in perspective a bit. Thanks

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2013 22:40

SP, that, and DS only weaned in October. Hope that has answered the question you've never asked..! (IE, I'm not a flasher.)

He hasn't text me back in over an hour. I don't know whether to read that as ''Oh FFS SirBoob, don't be so stupid'' or guilt.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/04/2013 22:41

SirBoob you really do deserve better than this wanker, really you do.

No-one is saying you are young in a 'you're young you don't know what you're doing' way. Simply that you have such a lot of life yet to live, why waste a moment of it dealing with a total lowlife like him?

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 27/04/2013 22:42

I actually thought maybe flashing was a reason Grin

Him not reply is him been a big fat donkey dick of a man. He wants you to question yourself but dont you dare.

K8Middleton · 27/04/2013 22:46

It's never too late to be happy.

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2013 22:57

He's supposed to be coming over on Monday, I don't want him to. I don't want to see him right now.

OP posts:
BOF · 27/04/2013 22:57

I didn't say anything about a stupid thing, did I? I don't think you are stupid AT ALL.

coffeewineandchocolate · 27/04/2013 22:59

Your backbone :-) now tell the guy to do one and stop the downer you have on yourself! You have made any progress in your emotional well being not him, in fact despite jim!

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 27/04/2013 22:59

Tell him you don't want to see him then. You do what you want.

sugarandspite · 27/04/2013 23:04

Sirboob

I'm mainly a lurker but have been on MN a while and started recognising you when I was prowling around the bf board. I was struck then by how wise and compassionate you are and later on, reading other threads I was amazed by how strong and brave you are and what a lovely lovely mum you are.

I think sometimes its very hard and tiring being wise and kind and brave. And sometimes when things that you think are finally going well actually turn out to be a bit crap, you can feel just like you haven't got the energy to fight any more.

But tomorrow, or maybe the next day, you're going to feel so much more energised and ready to tell this sorry excuse for a man that you're not buying his shit.

Because you're worth so very much more than this bollocks. And you have so very much more important things to think about.

And one day you're going to come across a bloke who just adores you, and it will be so easy and so great and so happy.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/04/2013 23:20

So tell him not to come over then. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Portofino · 27/04/2013 23:23

Tell him no. As I said, my dh can be a git. He makes me enraged. He never makes me cry. You don't need a man that makes you sad and makes you cry.

LunaticFringe · 27/04/2013 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeneloPeePitstop · 27/04/2013 23:42

You WILL be ok. Know that.
Thinking of you x

Oh, and Akers any aggression out on that vile purple and yellow sign next door Wink

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 27/04/2013 23:55

Sugarandspite you've made me cry. x

Thank you all. I'm going to try and sleep now as am going to have one fuck of a hangover in the morning. Still no word from the knob. He's told flat mate same as he told me, she's someone work related. I need some head space, really wish I could run away for a few days just to physically distance myself from everything.

Thanks all. Really appreciated being told I'm not making a fuss over nothing.

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 28/04/2013 01:03

SirBoob, you're one of the faces I recognise on here. I'm always struck by how much you have to cope with, and how you do so.

You are brave and strong. And amazing. Hang in there lovely :)

I hope you sleep well tonight, and your hangover isn't too horrific.

Big hugs xxx Flowers

freddiemisagreatshag · 28/04/2013 01:06

Nothing to add that hasn't been said except {{hugs}} from me too. xxx

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 28/04/2013 04:26

Woke up because DS was crying and now I can't get back to sleep. Have had a glass of ribena and another pint of water, hoping my head isn't too bad later in the morning.

My head keeps spinning over everything. If it is X from 's suitcase, why not tell me she was coming to stay? Or at least tell his flat mate? Why is she staying at his and not at the hotel like Y apparently is?

Apart from the obvious, "He's a lying bastard".

He's been more distant the last few weeks, though he said it was because of work stress (plausible). Though now I am doubting every single thing he has told me for months.

Why do I always manage to pick the wankers?

OP posts:
MrsShrek3 · 28/04/2013 05:32

ahh ribena, pref in pints, awesome hangover prevention Wink Believe me I know Grin

you said earlier you need head space. is there anywhere you and dc can do a runner to for a couple of days? put some distance between you and The Wanker ?