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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I need to get laid

315 replies

fastdriver · 26/04/2013 14:37

That's it really.

I separated six months ago (after several sexless years). I was a faithful wife.

I don't want another relationship, I don't want to shag anyone else's man (either deliberately or inadvertently), I don't want to end up with genital herpes of anything similar.

I want a NS relationship that's mostly about sex (God I sound desperate ).

I'm fussy about men, don't like bald or shaved heads, beards, paunches or poor hygiene.

I'm 42 and reasonably attractive.

How do I make this happen? Most men are gagging for it, aren't they? It can't be that difficult but I don't know where to start...

Has anyone been in this situation or can give me any advice?

OP posts:

Report

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:05

It always does Spence, and your sweet to take the blame for my laziness. :)

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:11

ha its no problem, some of us men have to be sweet but thats prob why i ended up in this thread in the first place

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:16

I know, some women spot sweetness for muggness, i see sweetness as a sign of being a decent respectful guy.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:19

ive definitely always been with the women who view it as muggnes

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:20

Thats a shame too Spence, you seem like a decent guy, but some stupid women like bad boys, like my idiot friend.

fastdriver · 27/04/2013 19:21

I don't think 'own teeth and hair' is that much of a recommendation. It only makes me think that the guy is of an age where he might wear a wig and have dentures.

OP posts:

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:22

thats nice of you to say so, but yeah some women definitley prefer that

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:23

I've encounted my fair share of bad boys, i certainly wouldnt wanna saddle myself with one.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:25

at least experiencing the bad points means you get chance to learn from them

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:26

Yep Spence, i know exactly what i want from a potential partner.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:29

always good to know what you want in a guy.

like i said a couple of pages back i just wanna meet someone nice for friendship with the potential to develop into something serious

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:33

and i think thats the best way to develop a serious relationship, it was a whirlwind with my ex, and it went tits up after 3 years, its better to make the connections without the pressures of a relationship.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:36

yeah i know what you mean

i was with my ex for years and i thought everything was great until you got involved with her boss. It really knocked my confidence so its only until recently that i felt like i could start to meet someone new

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:40

Well you sound like a nice guy, so i hope you encounter only nice women who appreciate you.

spenceuk · 27/04/2013 19:43

thanks thats very nice of you :) i hope we both meet someone nice

fastdriver · 28/04/2013 02:00

Thanks for hijacking to have a one on one conversation.

OP posts:

Loulybelle · 28/04/2013 08:40

Sorry

ItsYoniYappy · 28/04/2013 08:51

Fastdriver

Don't be nasty or , just look on it as tips on how to speak to a guy.

Loulybelle · 28/04/2013 09:06

I feel really bad now :(

ItsYoniYappy · 28/04/2013 09:31

Don't feel bad, I'm chatting on it too I thought OP had left tbh I think everyone had gave their advice.

I wouldn't worry.

Hope you got your essay done.

fastdriver · 30/04/2013 01:19

Don't feel bad Louly. I kind of wrote that with a smile on my face and should have put a winky emoticon at the end of it.

ItsYoni I don't really think I need tips on how to talk to guys. It would be nice to meet some interesting ones in the first place though. I was fairly successful with men in my youth. What's come as a horrible realisation though, is this: when I was young I had hot boyfriends who were the same age as me and it was fine because we were all young, including me. Now the attractive men my age (the type I went for when I was younger) have women ten years younger than I am who would be happy to be with them. So I have to look at older men, or less attractive men my own age, if that makes sense. Mostly (with a few exceptions like Yasmin Le Bon) an attractive woman in her thirties will look better than an attractive woman in her forties. I am struggling with this, my toxic mum brought me up to think that a woman's main currency was her looks (thanks for that). So my self esteem is getting very shaky as I age.

I have a single friend who is 40 with no kids and she seems to meet some very attractive men the same age on sites like match.com. All childless. But I've got kids and if I look on sites like mumsmeetdads or whatever, the guys are, well, pretty unattractive. They all look really old and worn out. Maybe it's just what happens when you've got kids and have been through the stress of a big break up. I kind of feel like I'd rather be celibate than shag some hairy handed, sweaty, red faced middle aged man, and that's what seems to be on the market.

There's a married guy who's interested and he's a surgeon . It's flattering but I'd never act on it. Why can't I meet someone like that who is unattached?

It's been good hearing from other people in a similar situation. There doesn't seem to be much to do apart from go on dating sites, negotiate the shark-infested waters, weed out the married men and tossers etc.

Maybe I'm too soon post separation but that really doesn't appeal, so I guess I will have to just accept the situation unless I PM back the poster who suggested a hook up, but I really don't fancy that

OP posts:

fastdriver · 30/04/2013 01:22

The married surgeon is gorgeous, btw. Maybe that's the problem, all the good ones are married...

I wouldn't ever be an OW though.

I will end up with cocoa at bedtime and a house full of cats.

OP posts:

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boyfromipinema · 30/04/2013 07:17

Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places ?

ItsYoniYappy · 30/04/2013 08:45

Fast driver I could have wrote your post, everything you said applies tome (expect the surgeon)!

Why do all the men look so old? I have been dating men 10 years younger. I had a date at Xmas with an ex. He was my ex from when I was 19, so he was 17 back then, now he is 37 and his hair is all grey and his bones creak.

mine do too but I can hide it well

I think Mr Right is somewhere where you least expect it (hopefully), I still think the supermarket is good, although most men there are married.

Do you have a type at all? I do. I don't like office workers (that's my job) I like the building trade men but cleaned up ones - I also like my old GP but then he is married. He is the only man in a suit I have found attractive.

I met a very lovely man in the last year of my marriage. Sadly, I was married and he went off with a single person.

VoiceofUnreason · 30/04/2013 09:16

I'm 39 but usually people think I am 5 or 6 years younger. When I was 36 some people used to think I was late-20s. So I am obviously catching myself up.

I do think the "someone comes along when and where you least expect it" is, for the majority, a nonsense cliché quite honestly. As I think has been said on other threads, if you want a new job, new house, new car, you don't sit waiting for them to magically arrive when you least expect them.

Getting laid would be nice but I'm not one for one night stands or a casual hook-up. A good snog would suffice for now quite honestly.

Flip

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