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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

279 replies

whatapotatohead · 23/04/2013 13:06

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sinceSad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsAllMine · 25/04/2013 07:33

hope you got some proper answers OP.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 25/04/2013 07:59

OP, the longer he leaves it, the more pain you must be in. How can he not see this? I'd be even angrier by now.

This is mental cruelty. Don't be afraid of kicking him to the kerb just because you are financially dependent on him. That doesn't mean you have to put up with whatever he dishes out.

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian · 25/04/2013 08:30

Today's the day OP. Get the answers your deserve. Could be innocent but at this rate his behaviour will destroy your relationship. Hope you get some answers.

StuffezLaYoni · 25/04/2013 08:42

In my experience, the longer he goes without having to admit something, the more likely he will think he's got away with it. When my partner went away and cheated I KNEW something had happened when he came back by his silence and the way he was acting. I was too scared of rocking the boat so said nothing and he soon came back to normal.
This was because he'd managed to justify it to himself over the days and then realised he was going to get away with it.

OP I'm really worried that you're too scared to find out the truth in case you "lose" him.

Bant · 25/04/2013 09:35

I went on a stag do to Amsterdam a few years ago. There were about 10 of us. I was the best man, but the groom had chosen the place and organised flights, hotel and everything for us.

4 of the group (including one married man) went to the brothels, one bloke went back repeatedly and spent hundreds of euros. The rest of us, some single, most married, spent our time drinking and smoking. We went to the red light district and looked through the windows and were pretty much repulsed by it. One of the group bought tickets for a sex show and told us we owed him the money for the tickets, so we went (having had a few beers and joints at this point) - it was horrible. The sensible lot ended up drinking our 'complimentary' beers with our sleeves rolled up over our hands so we didn't have to touch anything, we just got out of there as soon as we'd finished the beer. The other lot went up on stage and joined in the act.

I later found out that all of the guys who went to the brothels were renowned seedy buggers back in the UK. The rest of us, it was an experience we didn't want to repeat. I felt weird having gone there, and wouldn't choose to do it again.

Going to Amsterdam doesn't make someone turn into someone they're not. I went, and the groom and several others went, for the opportunity to smoke in public, relive our student days a bit, drink beer and basically take the piss out of each other a lot. Some went for the women.

Not much help, OP, sorry, but I hope you find out what's going on soon.

NotConnie · 25/04/2013 10:17

OP, you really must get some answers from him and soon.
When I'd been married for about 5 years, my DH went on a stag do (not to Amsterdam). He was at an age where his mates were all getting married and going on stag events was quite a regular thing back then. Every time when he got back he was normal with me, although looking a bit worse for wear because of all the drink.
But one time he went and when he came back he was all over me, and couldn't stop making a fuss of me. Even brought me a present back which was unheard of. I'd always trusted him completely but this odd behaviour made me think he was feeling guilty about something, and I could only reach the conclusion that something had happened while he was away. I wasn't sure if it was just a kiss or if he'd actually had sex with someone, but I was convinced that there was something.
Well, I never found out the truth.
This all happened 20 years ago. Although I was kind of able to move past it, and never had any further reason to not trust him, it was always in the back of my mind.
We're now divorced, (nothing to do with infidelity on either side) and we're on quite good terms. He still denies that anything ever happened on that stag weekend, and even now, I'm still not sure.
Point is, it's enough to drive you mad over the years. Looking back, I'd have rather found out the truth then, instead of wondering for years.

quoteunquote · 25/04/2013 11:41

Top post Bant

hairtearing · 25/04/2013 15:55

Argh, still no update?

thistlelicker · 25/04/2013 17:16

Buuuuuump! Any news?

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian · 25/04/2013 17:40

Really hope you're ok OP

loopylou6 · 25/04/2013 17:45

Hope you've confronted OP, and all is ok

toffeelolly · 25/04/2013 17:56

How are you op ?

Smudging · 25/04/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 25/04/2013 19:42

I feel for you, whatapotatohead. This stinks.
Better be safe than sorry, iykwim, and book him an appointment for a STI check and no cha-cha until results are returned. I am not a scholar on the subject, but take as long as it will take, could be awhile.

This might encourage him to speak up, or maybe not. But trust your gut instinct and look out for yourself.

AllThatGlistens · 25/04/2013 19:57

Hoping your ok OP

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 25/04/2013 20:16

How are yoy getting on OP? How is he behaving now -super nice, cold shoulder?

NotSoNervous · 26/04/2013 09:21

How are you OP?

TapDancingPimp · 26/04/2013 12:19

Do these threads ever get resolved? Shamelessly nosey

LandOfCross · 26/04/2013 13:01

I hope you are ok and he told you the truth OP.

carmenelectra · 26/04/2013 13:27

I suspect OP's dp has gone back to being nice and acting normal. Therefore, she now feels no need to question him and has convinced herself it was nothing.

Thing is, as another poster has said somewhere, she won't be able to bring it up in the future for fear of going on and dragging up the past.

What she should havre done is pinned him down and demanded an answer initially.

TheUnicornsGoHawaiian · 26/04/2013 14:16

Carmen I think you may be right. Truth always comes out in the end though. Really hope youre ok OP.

hairtearing · 26/04/2013 17:54

Op not back yet? come on!!!!!!! we are waiting.

ThenWeTakeBerlin · 26/04/2013 19:44

Bump

Hope you're ok, OP x

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 26/04/2013 19:48

I hope you are ok and got some proper answers OP. Please come back for help/support.

thistlelicker · 26/04/2013 21:44

Another shameless bump x

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