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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

279 replies

whatapotatohead · 23/04/2013 13:06

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sinceSad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

OP posts:
AlnwickRose · 26/04/2013 22:43

Well, it may be that there's no news, and the OP doesn't want everyone having a go at her for not having got it out of him.

Or it may be that she's found out something bad and doesn't want to talk about it.

hollyisalovelyname · 27/04/2013 09:27

I hope OP you are ok.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 27/04/2013 12:54

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHGrin

This is brilliant

I hope you all explode from sheer pent up nosiness Grin

fastdriver · 27/04/2013 19:23

Yeah I love it when prurience masquerades as concern Grin

Loulybelle · 27/04/2013 19:24

I hope shes ok, but im sure theres a good reason for her absence.

givemeaclue · 27/04/2013 20:55

Yes, like she had nothing to be worried about all along despite the doommongers here

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 27/04/2013 21:07

just read the thread

hope you're ok op

borisjohnsonshair · 27/04/2013 21:24

Any update OP?

Geckoandthemonkey · 27/04/2013 21:33

Either he's been witness to something horrific or done the dirty. Yuck! I would not stand for it. Out of respect to you, the mother of his children, he shouldn't have gone to such a seedy destination. Gross. I would be seriously worried if I were you.

ProphetOfDoom · 27/04/2013 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArmyOfPenguins · 27/04/2013 23:39

Or he has.

newbiefrugalgal · 27/04/2013 23:40

I wanted an update too!
:(

pleasestoptalking · 28/04/2013 07:12

Good luck OP, I hope you get your answers

DoctorAnge · 30/04/2013 22:48

Hope you are ok op x

Original poster
whatapotatohead · 02/05/2013 13:18

update
sorry I disappeared for so long, I needed some time to get my head straight.
I asked dp what was going on and he admitted going to a 'club' but said that he didn't pay for a private dance or take much notice of what was going on. all the others except him and another guy did have dances etc and he felt bad that the stag disappeared with a dancer for a while and he didn't stop him. I 100% believe he didn't get up to anything, he showed me texts/ facebook messages from them calling him and the other guy all sort of names because they didn't pay for extras Hmm .
he knows I am not happy that he went in there, I am very self conscious of my body and find it hard to think of him there but he says him and the other guy sat out of the way having a beer so they weren't getting hassled.
Thank you to everyone for your support, without this I probably wouldn't have said anything and would have fallen apart thinking about what had happened.
things are looking good at the moment, the talking and opening up to eachother have really helped and we are both making the effort to spend time together.Smile

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 02/05/2013 13:38

But I still don't understand about his behaviour when he got back and how he treated you.
Has he explained why he was like this?
Really glad you believe him and are working on talking and spending time together.
Good luck.

Oopla · 02/05/2013 13:53

It doesn't really explain how he was with you....Those few days of silence/moodiness enough to organise a few messages from mates. What if they've all sent them to each other?

I hope it all works out for the best.

Original poster
whatapotatohead · 02/05/2013 16:08

I know it doesn't explain him being so off with me and he knows he was out of order for that but I know he is really unhappy about the way the other guys were especially the stag and it's playing on his mind. I don't think they all sent the texts to eachother, some of them were captions on private pictures on facebook basically saying that x and x would rather look at the nice view in the picture than the women and how pathetic that was Hmm yes they are all in their 30s and 40s. and others were group messages where people who couldn't make it were asking how it went and they were mocking the two that didn't 'get into the spirit if it all' I just feel like he is telling the truth and I can only go with that and what he has said.

OP posts:
GoingUpInTheWorld · 02/05/2013 16:14

Op i think hes telling the truth, and i think he was being off with you because of the comments and texts that were going back and forth were playing on his mind.

Im glad you have managed to get all that cleared up.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 02/05/2013 16:41

Hi OP, Im glad you feel he is telling the truth, but I think it's really important to let him know that you will not put up with several days of sulky behaviour just because he is unhappy about something. It wasn't your fault that he felt crap, but he was making you pay for it!
If you don't let him know that his behaviour has been unacceptable, he will just do the same the next time something is 'troubling' him.
Good luck.

Littleturkish · 02/05/2013 16:49

I'm so glad you spoke to him and his reasons for being off with you weren't untoward.

These stag do things sicken me. People can be revolting in their disrespectful behaviour towards their partner.

MadAboutHotChoc · 02/05/2013 16:49

The fact that he was really off with you still bothers me - why act so guilty?

I hope you made it clear that this kind of behaviour is really not on especially since you did not deserve to be treated like this.

Good luck.

Original poster
whatapotatohead · 02/05/2013 16:50

thanks, oh he knows it's not acceptable, I made it clear that his attitude made him look guilty and it's not fair that I was being punished because of what they got up to.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 02/05/2013 16:54

It just shows that some women's instincts are right about stag dos though.
That poor woman will walk down the aisle thinking he adores her when he was "disappearing with a dancer" in front of people who will be at the wedding.
What a cunt!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/05/2013 17:14

I'm glad you finally had the 'chat' and that you believe nothing went on and hope all the others were single (tho doubt it)

It's the bride I feel sorry for :(

As above / what a cunt the groom is

Stupid little man

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