Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

[whatapotatohead]

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me since
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

D'you know, Pinky, I deleted a reply that said this is what happened to the most traumatised stag I've ever seen! Actually, that man went with a female prostitute who turned out to have a penis.

He totally failed to see the funny side.

I hope you're getting some answers OP, whether the one's you were hoping for or not. I can only imagine how nervous you must be feeling not knowing what he's going to say.

I feel sick for the poor women Maleview mentioned whose partners used prostitutes while on a stag do and who trust them and don't know they did this.
Op you have to find out tonight what happened. You can't go through another day of this and you don't deserve to. xxx

Its very sweet how so many people can come up with an innocent explanation(may be asking her to marry him for heavens sake) but unless my dp told me differently and convincingly I'd be thinking the worst.

Amsterdam for fucks sake on a stag do. I don't care what anyone says its not for the culture. If so, why not go to Rome or Venice! The weed- well u can get weed or any other drug pretty easy in the Uk too. Yes I guess there are some men who would go to Amsterdam for the culture/arcitecture but I'm guessing they aint the type to go on stag weekends anyway.

I would imagine much of it it bravado but I bet most stag weekends are arranged for Amsterdam for a combination of things, drinking, drugs but mainly women, as in the red light district. If they just wanted booze and drugs they would go Ibiza.

I would not be happy with my dp even entertaining the idea of strolling down the red light district ogling girls and going to lapdancing clubs. I know those that cheat probably normally are the type to do it anyway but I bet many men do get swayed. Yes you can see a prostitute in the UK but they are not normally paraded. In front of you down the street. Being pissed and egged on although incredibly childish, must happen.

The only thing I can think of worse than my own dp visting Amsterdam with his mates is Thailamnd.

Thailand

The point is that there is not a shred of evidence to say the OP's DP has been up to anything he shouldn't have been. I'd say if he had been he would be hiding it and pretending nothing was wrong.

Oh. And advice to OP. I would not let him leave thr room tonight until he told me what the fuck was going on. Only you can tell if he's lying.

All this talk of bullshit of hangovers and drugs come downs! Behave. If that was the case would he not just say he was wrecked and go to bed? Not be funny with you.

The bit that got me was aboutyou basically shutting up so you could have a nice evening. The only time my dp talks like that is if we have had a row and I'm bringing something up or if I've gone off on one.

No apart from him being really mean to her since he got back. Strange.

Also, in my book. A bloke that goes to Amsterdam in the first place is dodgy. I'd be gutted if my dp wanted to go on a stag trip there.

Oh OP, I just checked in to see how you were getting on, and seeing your post, I felt very sad and angry for you,

That is so cruel and torturous way of him to behave, What ever has or has not happened, to just avoid talking to you, when you have asked is vile, he must know that you are having to imagine the worst possible situation , to leave you feeling like that is cowardly, and just totally unnecessary , he could if nothing has happened put your mind at rest.

I said we needed to talk but then the phone rang, it was his mum and she was on ages by which time the baby had woken up.

How convenient, he knows he should of said, 'Sorry mum, can I phone you back"

when I came back downstairs he was being super nice to me and everytime I tried to talk he just kept saying "let's just have a nice evening, we can talk later"

Fobbed off, and laying the blame at your feet for disturbing the harmony .

I got fed up and said I was going to bed and when he was ready to talk he should come up.

You gave him an opportunity.

He came up lay on his side and went to sleep

He doesn't give a fuck how you feel, he only cares about how this will effect him,

check your accounts, sounds like someone who is bidding his time,

if as you say you will, end the relationship if he has had sex else where, he may well be making arraignments, have you always been clear that would be a deal breaker?

I really do hope for all of you, you do not have to face dealing with his stupidity,

Would he have a reason to expect you to just forget and move on , have you in the past just turned a blind eye to problems?

Is there anyone who can take the baby for a few hours so you can chat?

This happened to my friend. Her partner went in a stag and came back acting exactly the same way you describe.

He had met another woman in a club, chatted and swapped numbers. Nothing else, but he couldnt handle his emotions when he got home. It took him ages to tell her and she was imagining the worst. They did split up and he did end up with the other lass, but it could have gone the other way. Perhaps your dp feels bad about what could have happened, and is not acting naturally or being overly nice because he hasn't done the dirty, but feels differently because of it... hope you are okay.

This is a awful situation for you to be in. I hope your DH hasn't done anything he shouldn't and there's a good forgivable explanation for his behaviour

Surely you just need to say "either you tell me what you have done or you leave because I will not stand for this"

I think you need to tell him that you need sensible truthful answers, or you will never be able to trust him again. It is childish to avoid problems but then it is unacceptable for men to go and supply this sex industry. My Dutch friend says that these women now are mainly trafficked!

I think I'd be telling him to leave if he can't act like a grown up and talk. He's putting all this stress and shit on you whilst he swans around like nothing happened. Tell him to piss off for a few days, you don't trust him right now and you'll let him know when you want some answers.

Also, in my book. A bloke that goes to Amsterdam in the first place is dodgy. I'd be gutted if my dp wanted to go on a stag trip there.

The red light district is a small part of Amsterdam. Many people go there to smoke spliffs and get drunk. My DH went on a stag there and is not remotely dodgy!

If a man cheats blame the man, not the place. Most cities have a red light district: Soho in London, Pigalle in Paris, Reeperbahn in Hamburg... doesn't mean everyone is going to these cities for sex.

I really hope you get somewhere this evening. It must be torturous not knowing.

I agree with everything quotes has said.

You need to tell him that you want an explanation as to why he has treated you like shit.

Do not let him stall any longer.

He is trying to make the issue all yours. Soon it will be too late to talk. He will accuse you of dragging up the past/inventing it etc etc.

For your own sanity make him explain his behaviuor. If he can't then I'm sorry but I would think affair or one off shag. Sorry that is not what you want to hear but nothing else makes any sense. How on earth would the behaviour of another man make him behave like this-it wouldn't.

He has avoided being in bed with you. Has he actually touched you since his trip?

He is avoiding the issue because in his mind the longer it goes the less of a problem it becomes. Distance and time are healing away his guilt.

I hope I am wrong but sadly don't think so.

Another thought could he be avoiding sex with you until he gets results back for stds?

Sad to say:
smacks of guilt.

Amsterdam is a gorgeous city.

DH and I enjoyed a peaceful 4 days drinking lovely coffee, enjoying gorgeous scenery and indulging in the well researched local produce.

There were plenty of groups, some on stags, some socialising with friends, other couples on romantic breaks. The Dutch are fabulous people and I think a lot of men out there on stags would enjoy the good food, the great people and perhaps a little weed.

It depends, are your DP and his friends the type adopt the term banter and want to go and eye up the meat market? Then I think he's hiding something, withholding communication from you when you are clearly distressed is downright despicable.

I hope you are giving him he'll.

Sorry chocs I disagree. I really do think going on a stag do to Amsterdam is dodgy. No of course not all men will go and pay for sex, but someone in that group is thinking about it I'm sure.

I wouldn't want my dp to go swanning round a red light district even for a laugh.

Yes of course lots of other countries/ cities have red light district. But it seems Amsterdam is more. And more popular and totally acceptable.

Still don't buy the culture and just going for a drink or smoke. Bollocks.

HELL autocorrect

But I actually hope you have him hell earlier and are getting some rest.

Unlike other cities, buying and selling sex in recognised brothels is legal in Amsterdam, but that distinction apart it really doesn't matter whether other people's partners would or wouldn't be interested in the sex industry there. This OP's partner did go to a sex club and the OP had every expectation that he would.

We can debate the wrongs of the sex industry and the way that sex consumerism has become so normalised on stag weekends to the point where some men's partners accept it, but surely that's for another thread and not one that is meant to be supporting an OP who is having difficulties in her relationship?

The OP's acceptance of the inevitability of sex consumerism on this weekend away might of course suggest a power imbalance in the relationship and so that's possibly worth exploring because it's about her situation and her relationship. But what other men do and what their partners believe and accept isn't, is it?

Hope you are ok OP and managed to have your talk last night x

This isn't really about Amsterdam and everyone else moral compasses is it?

It's about the fact that her DP went on a stag do there & is now giving her (and only her) the silent treatment.

Hope you got some answers last night. Thinking of you