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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

279 replies

whatapotatohead · 23/04/2013 13:06

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sinceSad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

OP posts:
toffeelolly · 23/04/2013 21:07

Must be feeling guilty about something, hope you get answer's soon.

Loulybelle · 23/04/2013 21:10

Yoni, i hope you burned those sheets, vile bastard.

StuffezLaYoni · 23/04/2013 21:12

Shamefully, I tried to cling on to the relationship, totally shamed myself and in the end it was him who did the dumping. I will never, EVER be treated that way by a man again.

I feel bad, I'm derailing. Genuinely hoping for a good outcome for the OP, nobody should have to exist with this awful uncertain sick feeling in their gut.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 23/04/2013 21:17

hope you get some answers this evening OP.

And whatever the outcome you come back and get support.

Coconutty · 23/04/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontmeanto · 23/04/2013 21:19

My ex acted exactly the same after going to a festival with his mates. Couldn't even look me in the eye...it was infidelity.

But OP that doesn't mean it is in your case. Stay strong x

ThenWeTakeBerlin · 23/04/2013 21:27

I can't stress enough that if he's done anything sexual with another woman, even if not full intercourse, you should really get tested.

Hope you're ok, OP.

Cherriesarered · 23/04/2013 21:30

Stuffezlayoni:

You haven't derailed, your have opened your heart. What a wanker!!!

I am glad that my socially inept husband has never gobe on one of these vile do's, they only end in tears!

SweetSeraphim · 23/04/2013 21:31

Oh Stuffez Sad

OP, I hope you're ok. Trust your instincts.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/04/2013 21:32

Could he have been arrested for something while away and doesn't want to tell you? Might not be a sexual thing.

hairtearing · 24/04/2013 09:07

Argh, come back OP, hope things aren't bad over there.

grumpyinthemorning · 24/04/2013 09:51

You do need to find out what happened, but try not to assume the worst. Despite the overwhelming opinion on this thread, not all men will cheat on a stag do, even if it is in Amsterdam. Be firm, tell him he can tell you what's going on or he can bugger off until he will tell you.

YoniMatopoeia · 24/04/2013 09:58

Hope you are ok op.

I got treated like this by an ex after he had been away with work. The next stage was for him to list my 'faults' when I asked what was wrong. At which stage I asked him who he had been seeing/shagging.

I hope you can get to the bottom of it.

Branleuse · 24/04/2013 10:02

just ask him what the fuck is going on, and why is he acting so shifty.

If he was just acting down or depressed, id assume it was a major comedown. E comedowns can be horrendous, and thats not hard to get hold of.
Since hes actually acting guilty and not coming to bed though, i probably would assume infidelity.
Its hardly unheard of. Id be wanting him to convince me it wasnt pretty sharpish, not avoiding eye contact

MTBMummy · 24/04/2013 10:08

I hope you're ok OP

LookingForwardToMarch · 24/04/2013 10:50

Hoping your ok op

TobyLerone · 24/04/2013 11:06

Did you talk to him, OP?

CuChullain · 24/04/2013 11:07

@happyfreeconfused

"I really don't know if I would trust any man on a stag do in Amsterdam."

Well thats a pretty stupid thing to say, it is possible you know for a married/attached man to go to such a place and not be remotely tempted by what is on offer be it sex shows/drugs/prostitution etc. Amsterdam does have some cracking bars and clubs though which is pretty much where I spent most of my time when I was there on a recent stag bash.

TobyLerone · 24/04/2013 11:13

Meh.

These threads are always stupid. There is always name-calling (of other posters, men and other women) and always manic insecurity.

I always hope that the OPs can pick out the good advice from the projection and hysteria.

Orchidlady · 24/04/2013 11:20

tbh honest after reading a book about a girl sold into sex slavery in Amsterdam it beggars belief why anybody man or woman would go there, it is pretty disgusting. OP I hope you are ok?

hairtearing · 24/04/2013 11:25

Come back op!

CuChullain · 24/04/2013 11:35

@Orchidlady

"tbh honest after reading a book about a girl sold into sex slavery in Amsterdam it beggars belief why anybody man or woman would go there, it is pretty disgusting."

You do realise that there is more to Amsterdam then just the sex trade right?

Dahlen · 24/04/2013 11:41

I've been to Amsterdam. It's a beautiful city and as CuChullain says it has far more about it than cannabis and sex.

However, unless the stag party consisted of art or history buffs, I would assume the worst about their reasons for selecting that particular destination.

Orchidlady · 24/04/2013 11:44

Yes I do,but men do not go to Amsterdam for a stag weekend for the architecture. The whole idea actually sickens me.

Orchidlady · 24/04/2013 11:47

Grin @ dahlen my point exactly