Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

[whatapotatohead]

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me since
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

[CuChullain]

@Dahlen

"I've been to Amsterdam. It's a beautiful city and as CuChullain says it has far more about it than cannabis and sex.

However, unless the stag party consisted of art or history buffs, I would assume the worst about their reasons for selecting that particular destination."

Your average stag party will consist of young and old, single and attached. In my experience having attended a dozen or so stag weekends over the years is that during the day and early evening everyone stays within the group while they go paint balling or go karting and reamin together for the first few pubs while the stag is made to drink silly shots, dress up like an idiot or work his way through a list of silly tasks. As the evening wears on more often or not the group splinters into the 'hardcore' party animals and the ones who are happy to just chill in a bar and nurse several beers and talk shite all night. Usually it is the latter group that consists of the married and attached ones who simply have no interest in lap dances and the like. Places like Amsterdam do not place visitors under some magic spell where your behavior suddenly morphs from being loving considerate faithful partners into cheating drug fueled arsehole overnight. Cheaters will always find a way to cheat, be it back in their home town or while away with the boys. The same goes with drugs, the people I saw taking drugs in Amsterdam were the same people who were popping pills back home.

I am sure much can be the same for hen dos.

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Dahlen, it's usually the best man or groom who chooses the destination, i don't think the guests are the ones insisting on location.

My DH went on a stag do to Amsterdam. He says lapdancing clubs and strippers make him feel embarrassed and awkward. I see his point. I saw a male stripper once and it was just repulsive. As far from erotic as it is possible to be.

So yes, some men do go there for sex, but not all men.

[whatapotatohead]

Sorry its taken so long to get back, didn't get very far last night, I said we needed to talk but then the phone rang, it was his mum and she was on ages by which time the baby had woken up. when I came back downstairs he was being super nice to me and everytime I tried to talk he just kept saying "let's just have a nice evening, we can talk later" I got fed up and said I was going to bed and when he was ready to talk he should come up. He came up lay on his side and went to sleep

[ChocsAwayInMyGob]

Hmm, so no progress really OP. I would start giving an ultimatum. You must be so unhappy until you know more and it's not fair of him to mess with your head.

You deserve an honest exchange and explanation.

[ThenWeTakeBerlin]

I think you need to persist, OP. you deserve an exclamation.

[ThenWeTakeBerlin]

*explanation

[thistlelicker]

:-( tonight is the night if the phone rings ignore it!!!

[nipersvest]

he's avoiding, hoping you'll forget and let it drop. personally, i would pursue this, your gut instinct is saying something's up, don't let him doubt yourself. he'll start behaving normally and make out it was all in your mind.

[nipersvest]

• don't let him make you doubt yourself

[SanityClause]

I think you'll need to use the "As you won't speak to me, I'm assuming the worst" line.

He can't just brush it under the carpet by acting "nice".

[Loulybelle]

Keep on at about it, hes wanting you to drop it, dont let him, you deserve an answer for his shittiness.

[FrequentFlyerRandomDent]

So talking to you is not having a nice evening.

Lovely.

If nothing happened, why avoid speaking to your partner.

I am still hoping for some massive misunderstanding, but he is acting rather strangely. ((((Hugs))))

[Blatherskite]

That would drive me bonkers. I'd be fearing the worst too I think

[Dahlen]

I agree that destinations don't change behaviour, but the choice of destination is a reflection on the underlying personality in the first place.

Stag dos in 'stag-do hotspots' abroad are noticeable for their difference to local-based stag dos or trips to more off-the-beaten-track destinations abroad. Stag dos in places like Amsterdam are dominated by the 'hardcore' type you refer to. Which isn't to say that there aren't more diverse stag dos who have chosen Amsterdam for it one of its other core attractions, such as good cycling, history or art. No mention of these interests has been made by the OP however.

I remember a few weeks ago a thread (possibly yours OP?) about an upcoming stag do in Amsterdam, and similar pro/anti statements being made then. The fact that we now have a thread after a stag do in Amsterdam where the OP is miserable and being treated badly by her DP speaks volumes.

[AThingInYourLife]

"However, unless the stag party consisted of art or history buffs, I would assume the worst about their reasons for selecting that particular destination."

Really?

God, it's such a beautiful, amazing city with so much to do.

Plus it's nearby.

And you can have a little joint of an afternoon.

There are so many good reasons to go there in a big group.

I'm sure it's not just vile scumbags who buy women's bodies that go there.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Let's just have a nice evening?

Oh yes, lovely evening having to continue to guess why he's not talking to you and if he's shagged someone else isn't it

If he doesn't talk to you then assume the worst...he'll soon start talking, or show himself up.

[hairtearing]

I would use the line SanityClause suggested.

[Xales]

Well I was willing to give him the benefit of doubt,just being knackered etc.

He is however treating you shittily now.

You seem to need to spell it out clearly.

He has treated you like shit since he came back. You have done SFA to deserve it. It stops now and he tells you why or there is the door and hope it hits him on the arse on the way out.

[HighJinx]

Stag dos in places like Amsterdam are dominated by the 'hardcore' type you refer to.

Really? Based on what?

I live in Amsterdam and there are plenty of stag and hen groups that come to the city and enjoy things like the Heineken Museum and hiring bikes or going on a cycling bar when you sit at a large table and pedal your way around the city. The bars and nightclubs are full of people enjoying a weekend break in a different city. They may go to a coffee shop for a spliff or wander through the red light district for a look but an awful lot of these groups end up nowhere more sinister than a dutch bar drinking cheap beer. I have friends who work in the tourist industry across the city and they are often talk about stag groups never leaving their bars from 2pm to closing time.

I agree that some people who come are the 'hardcore' types you are referring to, but dominated by? I would like to see more evidence of that. There may be a lot of bravado as they board the EasyJet flight and a bit of 'go on' as they walk past the girls in the windows but in reality most of them do little more than just have a look, smoke some weed and drink too much.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Plenty of people go to Amsterdam to go clubbing and smoke weed. Lots of people find that fun! Plenty of men aren't interested in strip clubs or prostitutes. There is a lot more to Amsterdam than the red light district.

[madonnawhore]

Maybe call his bluff? Sit him down, look him in the eye and tell him you know what went on in Amsterdam. Then don't say anything else and watch his reaction.

[TobyLerone]

No. Don't lie. Keep your dignity and just ask him what's going on.

[madonnawhore]

He owes you an explanation for his shitty behaviour since he got back.

Make sure you get one.

[BornInACrossFireHurricane]

Don't let him worm his way out of talking to you again- you need answers TODAY.

[bleedingheart]

Amsterdam is not really the issue. The OP's partner went away, came back and behaved strangely and is making her scared and upset. It could've been Morecombe or Paris or Worcester. It's the OP's partner that is at fault and if he doesn't want her to suspect infidelity, he needs to speak up and discuss things. I could not possibly live in this situation.