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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help me partner just attacked am in shock

258 replies

yummytummy · 20/04/2013 22:38

Unfortunately an ongoing thing had been taking steps to leave but things calmed down.

Just tried to talk about a fight we had yesterday I started v calm then he didn't like what I waz saying got agitated then pushed me onto sofa hard then pulled my legs and was dragging me around I tried to get him off and ripped his top then of course I am the crazy one and I started attacking him for no reason.

Then he said wd kill me if I phoned police kids are asleep he is refusing to leave what do I do plz help

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 26/04/2013 21:03

On yummy.

Just remember that light is still there and it can be yours every day.

Still here with you and still proud of you.

Original poster
yummytummy · 26/04/2013 21:18

Am in touch with womens aid they helped make solicitor appt.

Just hate that he is here feel like weeping and wailing but he likes that as another excuse to attack me for being overemotional and hysterical.

He says he is staying out of my way well why dont u stay well away and fuck right off then wanker aArgh am so angry and cant even release it. Wont be able to sleep tonight even though he will prob sleep in another room. Of course no apology for the events that triggered all this as of course its all my fault.

OP posts:
TeaMakesItAllPossible · 26/04/2013 22:20

But of course it isn't your fault. I wish you strength tonight you brave woman you x

Lueji · 26/04/2013 22:25

Look, forget about fairness now. Think of happiness instead.

cjel · 26/04/2013 22:33

Can you think of all the people here with you ? we can help carry you through. Can you ring WA and get temporary place for you and dcs? just until you geto to solicitors to get advice? Have you rl friend you can weep and wail at tomorrow or even WA. Just getting it out tomorrow may help you sleep tonight knowing you haven't got to hold on to it for long? Does he have to come back to you now hes out?

Original poster
yummytummy · 26/04/2013 22:42

he didnt have to come here but i think wanted to see kids and they were desperate for him. also he feels its his house so he has right to be here as do i as its jointly owned. am going to see a friend tomorrow should be abl to let some out and yes wdnt have survived past few days without support on here it is so so appreciated has saved me mentally on many an occasion.

OP posts:
cjel · 26/04/2013 22:49

Glad its helped here, but think he gave up his 'right ' to be there by his behaviour, don't make youself so upset just because of what he demands. Hope you can unload on friend tomorrrow. Check out your rights to be safe with WA in the morning as well. Ii know he wants to see kids but things will have to change now and he changed it. Hope you manage a good sleep.xx

AlnwickRose · 26/04/2013 22:53

Definitely speak to WA about getting him out of the house. Feel so cross for you that he's allowed back in after they way he's treated you.

cjel · 26/04/2013 22:59

Glad its not only me Rose, I think it sounds dreadful for him to be allowed back with her and dcs after everything he did.

RhondaJean · 26/04/2013 23:04

Yummy, are weekends usually flash points, ie does he drink or is he more likely to assault you on a weekend? Are you safe?

AlnwickRose · 26/04/2013 23:15

In cases of DV I'm sure you can get something called an Occupation Order, so he has to move out. But I'm not an expert.

StuntGirl · 27/04/2013 01:29

Oh sweetheart :( Can't believe they allowed him back into your house, even with his admissions of guilt!

Use this as the opportunity to harden your resolve and continue with the plans you were making; WA, solicitors, getting him out of the house. That snivelling little toad isn't worth a damn thing in your life, you will be so much happier with him gone.

olgaga · 27/04/2013 01:47

If you need urgent help re a non-molestation order before your solicitor's appointment you might want to call the NCDV helpline 0844 8044 999.

I just came across this thread and would like to say well done, stay brave.

Your children will adjust and will be better off not growing up in this kind of situation.

olgaga · 27/04/2013 01:48

You might also want to have a look through the advice and links here.

Pilgit · 27/04/2013 10:20

No leaving the house isn't the fair thing for you or your children as it is H that is doing the damage. However that assumes he is a reasonable person - which he is not. The house is just bricks and mortar - home is where you feel safe and happy. You are incredibly brave. Stay strong. If it happens again, report it again. He has done this, not you. This is as a consequence of his actions.

Original poster
yummytummy · 27/04/2013 12:45

Weekends are the worst hav spent ages dreading them always something if not physical then some other form of nastiness am so tired of it. Worst thing is theres this big stupid picnic planned tomorrow with inlaws and will hav to go along and play happy families just dont think I can do it. But if I dont I will be slagged off. Just want to run away from all this crap its so draining.

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 27/04/2013 13:36

You don't have to go. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but I'm worried you might not be safe after last week.

Did the police say they have your number on an emergency list or anything?

BabyHMummy · 27/04/2013 13:45

Yummy don't go. Who cares if they slag you off...their son is a violent abusive bully and if they can ignore that then they aren't worth knowing.

Stay safe sweetie Xxx

Original poster
yummytummy · 27/04/2013 13:45

Yes police hav red flagged the address and my phone will respond immediately. Dont feel safe just horrible atmosphere dont want him near me, I guess i shdnt really be surprised but there is not even a hint of remorse or regret at all. He feels nothing fucking psychopath that he is aaargh so angry

OP posts:
LibertineLover · 27/04/2013 13:50

Oh yummy what a nightmare for you. Really hoping your solicitor says he has to go, this is crazy him being there with you and the kids. Oh and fuck the picnic I say!

Keep posting love, we're all here for you.

RhondaJean · 27/04/2013 13:57

Keep that anger and use it to get you and your children safe.

His attitude shows he doesn't give a damn for you.

You are on your way to a better, safer life. Stay strong. And keep your phone close.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 27/04/2013 14:11

Just adding my support today.

Don't go to the picnic - could you use the time tomorrow to get passports and birth certificates, marriage certificate, details of bank accounts, mortgage together? Get them out of the house.

Be safe.

Stellarella123 · 27/04/2013 14:18

Don't go to the picnic! You could say you don't feel well ? Or be honest and say you can't play happy families, let him go and don't care what anyone thinks or says, let them talk- "what other people think of you is none of your business"
if you go and pretend its just the start of tolerating and plodding along, you don't want to be back at square 1. Hopefully things will happen with the solicitor and things WILL get better, xxx

turbochildren · 27/04/2013 15:42

Oh gosh, just read this. So sorry, and don't go to picnic tomorrow. Get all the paperwork together, like someone else said, get it to a safe place!
The solicitor will be able to helpyou, stay strong.

AlnwickRose · 27/04/2013 17:13

Going to the picnic and playing happy families will just make him think you can sweep it all under the carpet. So what if they slag you off?