please help me partner just attacked am in shock

[yummytummy]

Unfortunately an ongoing thing had been taking steps to leave but things calmed down.

Just tried to talk about a fight we had yesterday I started v calm then he didn't like what I waz saying got agitated then pushed me onto sofa hard then pulled my legs and was dragging me around I tried to get him off and ripped his top then of course I am the crazy one and I started attacking him for no reason.

Then he said wd kill me if I phoned police kids are asleep he is refusing to leave what do I do plz help

How u doing this morning

Morning. How are you feeling in that lovely top of yours?

Hi am bit wobbly today. Kids up v early and am knackered, usually he gets up with them as up then for work. Literally first thing ds says each day is is daddy coming today? So hard

And he has taken his laptop so having to use phone which is fine but means cant do certain things.

Am wearing the top but dont feel that confident as yet. Have freedom programme later its gd but upsetting as quite intense and u have to face all the shit thats happened

Good for you wearing it anyway. Your confidence will come back.

I spent years listening to someone tell me I was fat and ugly but also having a go at me about whether I was attracting male attention that I lost all confidence in my appearance and dressed to merge into the background. It takes time to get "it" back - that's the confidence. It will come I promise.

Yummy, you're doing bloody marvellously and you've got us all behind you. Confidence will take time, but it will come back. Bet you look bloody gorgeous in that top. x

Glad your wearing it even when you feel crap just imagine how you'll dress up on a good day. Hope freedom programme is good. Remember if you face it now it won't jump out at you later, but try and take it at your own pace and don't go into depth if your not up to it.xx

Hi yummy you are doing really well.

I just wanted to tell you that I kicked ExP (VA) out at the end of last year so it's now 4 months on my own. The thought of struggling as a SP kept me with him for much longer than I probably should have. Eventually I couldn't bang my head against the wall any more & get no where.

At first it was hard and there were lots of things to think about and do. But quickly things got sorted out. My family all live abroad and I didn't feel like talking to all my friends about it, but I did have one friend to confide in and she has been a great support for me. I also looked for help, advice, support on MN.

Now it's hard to imagine living with him. The school has commented how much more settled DD1 is in herself, I have my new routines in place, I sleep better etc etc.

It will feel strange and difficult for a while, but if is a process of change. Keep posting on MN and seeking support her along with all the RL support routes you are pursuing. It's a process of change, not an instant fix. There will be highs and lows -but ultimately you are now creating a much better life for you and your DC.

Hugs Yummy we are all here for you!!!!

You have come so far already. The kids will adjust in time. Just be honest without given too much detail. Tell them that Ss need to investigate before they decide if it is safe for them to see daddy because he was naughty and hurt mummy. Use things he is familiar with ie if a boy at school punches him for no reason is that right? Should that naughty boy be told off for it...would ds want to play with a boy who kept hurting him for no reason etc

Just remember to tell him that its not because of anything he has done and that both mummy and daddy love him lots

Hugs Huni Xxx

oh forgot to say HOW HAPPY I AM NOW!!!!! Life without someone running you down all the time is fantastic.

You are doing great Yummy, very pleased you are going to the Freedom programme. It's devastating when you think that the person who was supposed to love you fits the bill to so much of the descriptions of "bad guys", but as someone else pointed out, he has good sides too. it's just that actually, the bad far outweighs the good. Cry if you need to, when you can. I finally admitted to my children that I have also cried and is sad that daddy is not here. It's for different reasons than them, perhaps, but they seemed comforted by it.
It is sad, sad that they can be so nasty to their own family, sad that they have so little self control, sad that they are so selfish etc. And sad that you were on the receiving end of this for so long.
I agree with Becool, even though I cried doing all the paperwork I have to do as a newly SP, I am so much happier now. Got nice clothes without worrying what signals he might think they're sending...(normal clothes btw)
It's nice not having to anticipate the next attack, isn't it?
The children will gradually settle, and still miss their dad. But he did what he did, and caused the children's grief, not you.
Sorry, ramble on .Just wanted to show support!

Hi feel v weird today as its FW birthday. Bdays always big deal to me and he wd mess them up big style yet I always made effort for him. Stupid I know but I feel bad I haven't done a cake its so sad. But not easy to turn off feelings. Had a text that he wants to talk dont want to yet really quite happy not to see him but kids wd like to. Have no idea what's best

Don't speak to him!

He's just disappointed that he can't mess you around on his birthday. He's always enjoyed that so much in the past.

Any correspondence can be through official channels. You don't have to speak to him, at all.

Yummy do not speak to him and for the time being i wouldn't let the kids see him unless there is a third party like SS involved to supervise

Stay strong sweetie Xxx

Stay strong, yummy. It really is worth it. I think it's probably better to keep away until you've had some good legal advice.

This man pushed you, dragged you around and threatened to kill you.

This is not the kind of man your kids need to see. In time it might be possible for him to have supervised contact, if he earns that privilege.

But for now, no, please don't speak to him whatever the children say. They are far too young to know what's good for them, and you are in charge. Stay strong

Don't engage with him x

You're doing great YM.

Keep your eye on the prize - there will be days when you'll feel really down, but this time next year you'll feel like a different woman. You'll look back and wonder why on earth you thought you couldn't manage without him. And you'll feel so free.

Joe cockers CD is really inspirational and includes a song called Keep your eye on the prize. (also has Fire it up which is about woman who closes downher empotions and one day says 'fire it up' about her heartan starting to love again) I play it really loud and dance!!

Just wanted to add to the messages of support Yummy. You have done an AMAZING thing. It took my mum years to leave our abusive father and to watch from the sidelines as kids was very painful, and eventually kids seem to always get dragged in so you're doing the right thing for them too. I know you're feeling pressured re him seeing the kids but I agree if it has to happen it needs to be supervised and you don't need to be involved, call on SS.
Also wanted to mention that you said you don't have many friends in RL. This is a classic technique of abusers to isolate you further. In your new life I promise you will meet some brilliant friends and life will be better than you thought possible. But it will take a little time- even though the past few week must feel like a lifetime it is all really fresh.
Also wanted to say that my mum remarried the lovliest man ever, and her life is wonderful now (she also had death threats). I also have a wonderful man after some duffers, so they are out there I promise. It is difficult to believe that I know, but just remember that the message boards here are often for discussing the tough stuff- who needs to read loads of 'ahhh my husband is wonderful and I love him'?! Pass us a bucket!
Stay strong, you are brilliant
xxxxxx

Am so upset police reviewed evidence and cdnt keep him longer so he is back and being fw again. Its like a curtain has been drawn against a very brief ray of sunshine. I cant stay in this situation but it seems impossible to get out. I tried to talk but he doesn't want to know and walked off. He knows it upsets me that's why he does it. Am suddenly tense again has made me realise how crap it is to be around him

Am seeing a solicitor tues to get advice. As home jointly owned cant kick him out and he wont leave. Cant bear the tension feel like shooting myself in head or actually him but then I would get arrested ha ha I know not funny but am a tad hysterical atm

Oh Yummy

I'm sorry he's back and I'm sorry that your ray of sunshine has gone. But now you've seen the light it is time to get to that lawyer and find your way to a new life.

In the meantime is there anywhere you can stay?

Dont really have anywhere else to go. And feels so unfair me and kids shd leave. Butits so messed up kids have clung to him like gglue since he came back I havnt had a look in. Hate him so much for everything when he came back I felt like lashing out at him was so angry but wdnt dare to he is much physically stronger as I know

Just make sure that you ring cops EVERYTIME he does something. You need to get hold of women's aid and get the hell out of there hun.

Hugs Xxx

"it feels unfair that me and the kids should leave"

I know that feeling exactly. Personally, with hindsight, I believe I made the wrong decision to stay. I had to deal with escalating abuse and a very emotionally draining situation. I have the house now - he couldn't afford to keep it himself as I was the higher earner. I think though, if I'd have taken temporary accommodation I would have still ended up with the house. I guess it boils down to whether you are safe whilst you do consult the solicitor. I know it is manageable to stay in the same house but it will be hard and you may have to deal with some awful threats and actions.

Did SS say anything about him coming back? Can you talk to WA again? Can you try and get your flight stuff (passports, bank account details, birth certificates, copies of mortgages, bank cards, change of clothes for the kids) to a friendly person? This will ensure if you have to leave with no notice you have things you need. If you are near me I would gladly keep them safe during this challenging time.

Talk to these people yummy
www.womensaid.org.uk/

• they can help you