... Now is not the time to be anything other than kind.
Now is not the time.
A 'reality check' is NOT anyone's call but the victim's. it's presumptuous, and yess, foolish.
We have to come to our own senses. The cogs in our brain have to engage themselves, not under duress.
Imho, you were overly harsh. Maybe you were being so for reasons you thought were coreect, but unless you have walked in the shoes, you can't possibly know.
Even former victims forget very quickly how desperately confusing all this crap is, the only thing that will get victims of DV out is support, a soft place to fall, an ear, a shoulder. What is needed here is a carrot. Not a stick. not judgement, not 'tough' love. I too find myself impatient with some, but I have to remember the maelstrom that is the normal everyday life that others do have to contend with.
Don't forget we are bullied, judged, belittled, guilt tripped and yelled at by those around us, your misguided stance however well intentioned, won't cut any ice. It risks a vulnerable woman being rebuffed and compelled to take cover again.
Please never forget the stakes here, the only goal is to coax, encourage and support a woman to go the scariest thing she's ever done. In fear of her life, and with reason.
Be responsible for your words. Be mindful of others and the true depth of their situation.