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Original poster

What do i do?

193 replies

pedrohedges · 16/04/2013 22:39

Hi all!

Oh took it upon himself to walk out of his job a year ago, for no particular reason other than he just didn't want to do it anymore.
It was good money, good hours and practically on our doorstep.

Luckily i had a little part time job and my boss increased my hours for me when another member of staff left. We also have 3 children so my wage and our tax credits are keeping us afloat...just. He still expects rump steak for his tea though ffs!

My problem is that he's turned lazy. He still thinks that i should take the kids to school, clean, wash his clothes etc.. Well i've had about as much as i can take from him.

I'm being bullied awfully at work at the moment and my home life is just as bad. I just don't know what the heck to do.

The straw that broke the camels back happened today.
I sorted the kids out, got them sent to school, went to work. I gave him a call around 11am to ask if he could put some washing on the line for me. He couldn't because he was playing golf!!! fucking golf!!!
I came home on my dinner and had to make him a sandwich, while he just laid there on my laptop watching the sky tv that i work damn hard for. It's really starting to grate.

He does no housework at all, he calls me in work telling me to do things for him and that drives my boss mental.

Tonight i asked him if i could watch my program on tv and he stomped off to bed in a mood. Arghhhh i don't know what the hell to do!!??

OP posts:
BadSpellersUntie · 16/04/2013 23:12

Are you completely insane woman?

LemonPeculiarJones · 16/04/2013 23:12

*or

Casmama · 16/04/2013 23:13

Has he said he is depressed and if so has he seen a doctor?
You have to make it very clear to him that this can't continue- where does he get the money for golf fgs.
If he is not depressed then he needs to know that he is nothing but a drain on your finances and unless he starts pulling his weight and properly looking for a job then he can fuck off.

Ogooglebar · 16/04/2013 23:15

Wow, OP, I think he needs to get some kind of help, but you don't have to put up with living your life like this either.

wonderingagain · 16/04/2013 23:15

My dp was made redundant two years ago. He does everything he possibly can to find work and even though he has lots of hobbies and can keep himself busy, he would NEVER put himself before his need to provide for his children.

There's something very wrong if he wants to put himself first.

Casmama · 16/04/2013 23:15

Has he put on 6 stone in a year!!

Cherriesarelovely · 16/04/2013 23:15

No wonder he has a sense of inertia! 6 stone? Seriously?? Sorry, not being rude but that is alot. Maybe he ought to visit the Dr.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 16/04/2013 23:16

Send him back to mummy.
You'll do just fine without him.
And stop pandering.

Original poster
pedrohedges · 16/04/2013 23:17

I can't do it on my own, i'd fail. I know i would.
I'm not educated, i have no confidence in myself.

OP posts:
Casmama · 16/04/2013 23:18

I agree with those saying he should see a doctor. Part of that may need to be you putting your foot down and telling him that things can't continue the way they are.
How does he react when you tell him how unhappy you are?

Original poster
pedrohedges · 16/04/2013 23:18

Yes 6 stone. He's not himself at all. I have tried to get him to the doctor, begged and pleaded with him but he won't.

OP posts:
wonderingagain · 16/04/2013 23:19

Pedro if you do leave him wait until you are SAHM again otherwise he will have residence - that's why I suggested you give up your job.

It is possible that he's depressed but that would be all the more reason to make sure you have main carer status. Be careful.

Casmama · 16/04/2013 23:19

What do you mean fail? It sounds like you are doing it on your own,he just lives there too and spends your money!

Original poster
pedrohedges · 16/04/2013 23:20

Casmama he tells me to sod off and stop nagging.
He's constantly eating food that needs to last the week, he sleeps all the time too.

OP posts:
Ogooglebar · 16/04/2013 23:20

But OP you are doing it all now - you are supporting your family and caring for your children (and your currently useless DH). You CAN do it, who cares how educated you are. He needs to get off his arse and get help or sort himself out because he's treating you like crap.

serin · 16/04/2013 23:21

I think he sounds ill.

If he has got depression telling him to shift his arse or pull himself together is not going to help.

He needs to see a doctor as soon as.

Original poster
pedrohedges · 16/04/2013 23:21

Wonder seriousy! I never even thought about that Confused I couldn't risk loosing my kids.

OP posts:
JammySplodger · 16/04/2013 23:22

You think you'd fail but actually you're doing far, far more than he is now.

What do you thiunk he contributes to your family life that you couldn't manage yourself?

ImperialBlether · 16/04/2013 23:22

But you are doing it on your own! Not only that, you're doing his work, too!

Have you any idea how lovely it is to be on your own, without that dead weight pulling you down?

His mother says he's depressed? What about you? It's a wonder you're not hurling yourself off a cliff, having to live with him! She should be apologising for him and giving him a bloody good talking to, not telling you to just put up with it.

BriansBrain · 16/04/2013 23:22

Is he depressed?

he does need to be making his own sandwiches though

wonderingagain · 16/04/2013 23:23

Sorry if I was a bit blunt about it. It's clear you haven't thought about it as you love and trust(ed) him. It doesn't look good from here.

JammySplodger · 16/04/2013 23:24

I'd get advice on the residence of the kids, I'm not sure giving up work is necessarily the best idea. Working mothers get residence too.

wonderingagain · 16/04/2013 23:25

Even if the father stays at home?

JammySplodger · 16/04/2013 23:25

And it sounds like you'd possibly manage your workplace issues better without having him to drag you down.

NeverMindOhWell · 16/04/2013 23:27

Cancel the Sky, turn off the heat at home during the day (if he's anything like my DH he won't know how to switch it back on!), cook only for yourself and kids. Comandeer 2 nights a week where you go out to do something YOU want to do, make him babysit. Do you have a joint bank account? Where is he getting the money to play Golf? Refuse his calls at work. If its urgent he can get a message to you. If he really is depressed he needs professional help, it won't just go away.