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Original poster

AIBU re two hours off?

164 replies

Happydotcom · 12/04/2013 12:28

I had a terrible time with PND since ds was born. He's now nearly two and I'd arranged some counselling sessions via GP.

DH came home to look after ds so I could go . I said I'd be gone 1800-2000 with traveling time. Ds had been fine all day and turned phone on silent when I arrived at session.

After my hr was up, I checked my phone.....10 missed calls and horrible texts from DH " if you can be bothered to answer..your son our son is being sick. You need to get home now.

I called as soon as I could and he went nuclear saying I need to get back o start cleaning up!

Arrived home, ds was fine. Vomit everywhere, pile of washing dumped on landing ' for me to do'

AIBU to have gone.....? Ds was honestly fine before and after I got home. He made me feel so guilty for going. It wasn't like I was clubbing!

OP posts:
Pilgit · 12/04/2013 12:35

YANBU - phones have to be turned off for counselling sessions. Totally unreasonable of him to not be able to cope - and why has he not cleaned up? Why is that your job? You have PND, you need counselling. He is a grown up and so should be able to cope with his own child.

Finola1step · 12/04/2013 12:38

If the roles were reversed, what would have happened? Would you have called your husband expecting him to come home?

I'm guessing that you would have cleaned up your son, sorted out the washing and got on with it. That's all part of being a parent. Did your husband see it that he was parenting or babysitting for you.

Congratulations on starting your counselling. Keep going. How does your husband feel about you going to see a counsellor? Might be wise to discuss this situation in your next session.

Original poster
Happydotcom · 12/04/2013 12:38

Exactly pilgit
Is wasn't like ds needed 999 treatment . DH is a dr too. I just feel so mad.

Post counselling before looking at my phone I felt calmer than I had done in months :(

OP posts:
yaimee · 12/04/2013 12:39

of course not.
is your dp not capable of operating a washing machine?
In all seriousness do you think that the attitude of your dp could be contributing to your pnd? He sounds extremely unsupportive at best and at worst downright nasty.
Make sure you go to your sessions, you are going exactly because you care for your child.not instead of. Getting better will make for a much happier life for you and ds.
Chin up op, hope things get better Flowers

Original poster
Happydotcom · 12/04/2013 12:40

When I've been with ds, I've never contacted DH at work if he was poorly, I just get on. I would in an emergency but not for three vomits and a runny nappy!!!!

OP posts:
Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 12/04/2013 12:40

I think your DH needs a lot more practise at being a dad. Hopefully, with each day he will become more of a man and less of a knob.

livinginwonderland · 12/04/2013 12:40

can he really not look after his own sick child? all he had to do was clean up the vomit, put some laundry on and make sure DS was okay. he was sick, it's hardly rocket science!

Gales · 12/04/2013 12:40

Even if we were both in the house, cleaning up vomit would have been DH's job! He would do it while poorly LO wanted his mum Smile

Is he usually so nasty/incapable/lazy or was he scared/upset by unexpectedly having a sick child to care for?

YANBU BTW. I hope DS is better soon and that you get the help you need for your PND.

HumphreyCobbler · 12/04/2013 12:41

he sounds like a complete git

is he trying to sabotage your counselling? Obviously he didn't make your son sick but his reaction to that is extremely shitty.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/04/2013 12:41

He needs to grow the fuck up. Sorry but this would make me soooo angry.

How dare he leave the cleani.g for you to do?!

You were not being unreasonable. Dont ever let him make you think that. Is it always like this?

Finola1step · 12/04/2013 12:41

Oh, just seen that your DH is a dr. In my mind, this makes his reaction even more inappropriate. He should be able to deal with a poorly child and understand the need for you to be with your counsellor. Agreed that phones are switched of during sessions.

Original poster
Happydotcom · 12/04/2013 12:42

I think his attitude does contribute to how I feel.

I've booked a session for next week. and will leave my phone in the car switched off

OP posts:
Gales · 12/04/2013 12:43

PS My Dad, DS1's granddad, coped with exactly the same situation when I was at work once. I got home to find them both in their underwear, with the heating turned up full because they'd run out of clean clothes, but both they and the house were clean and the washing machine was running Grin

Dad didn't even call me - I had no idea anyone was ill 'til I got home.

Sugarice · 12/04/2013 12:43

What awful behaviour from him, texting shitty messges and not cleaning up your ds's sick.

He sounds a bit of a prat, is he supportive the rest of the time?

allmycats · 12/04/2013 12:44

Is he usually a bully - is part of your PND connected with his attitudes towards you. He should be supporting you not harrassing you. Perhaps he needs to look to supporting you more.

Lovelygoldboots · 12/04/2013 12:45

I am shocked, his attitude stinks. He is trying to make you feel guilty. I would have left the washing on his side of the bed.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/04/2013 12:45

your husband sounds like a selfish arse!!

If he can't cope with looking after his own child for 2 hours there is something wrong with him. Maybe HE is the reason you need counselling!

KnittedC · 12/04/2013 12:46

How does your DH feel about your counselling, has he been supportive about it? Like HumphreyCobbler, my first thought was whether he was trying to sabotage it - do you think this is a possibility?

AMumInScotland · 12/04/2013 12:48

If this is typical of the way your husband behaves, then I don't think it's entirely surprising that you are struggling emotionally. Is he always an arse or did this count as a special occasion?

At your next session, I think you should explain that you came out of the last session feeling much better, then sank again as soon as you got a whole pile of text messages and missed calls suggesting that you don't care about your child's welfare since you dared to turn your phone off and your husband felt unable to deal with his own child for two hours at a stretch.

I think the counsellor needs to know what it is you are facing, and what things are going to help or hinder your recovery - and your husband sounds like a big mark in the 'hinder' column.

TobyLerone · 12/04/2013 12:48

Your husband is a dick and is unlikely to be helping you with the hard time you're having at the moment.

The text sounds worryingly like something my XH would have sent. He was an abusive arse. Still is. I just don't have to put up with it any more.

Original poster
Happydotcom · 12/04/2013 12:49

I do find his behaviour bullying sometimes, he's not supportive.

Yes, I'm sure my PND would have been improving if it wasn't for his attitude!

I felt harassed. It was the same when ds hit his head while in DH 's care and I was having hair cut. I was expected to run out of the shop home....now.

Arse.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 12/04/2013 12:51

At the very most, I think it would have been ok for your husband to send a quick text. Something along the lines of "little one not well. Please call as soon as you have finished in case you need to pick up anything on way home". That level of contact would be fine because you would not be expected to respond straight away.

I do think this situation could be in response to your husband's view on your counselling. As a dr, is he feeling undermined that he could not "fix" your PND? Is he worried that you will find out things that threaten the status quo for him?

In contrast, when I was seeing a counsellor, DH would look after our DD even tough it then meant catching up in work in the evening. But I would do the same for him.

NumericalMum · 12/04/2013 12:51

Wow. Your DH is a doctor and your child's father and he couldn't be alone with him for an hour while you had counselling. No wonder you have PND! I suggest you show him this thread and suggest he bucks up!

Gales · 12/04/2013 12:52

This man is allowed to work as a doctor? Shock

How has he been since? Does he see that he was horrible and really should have been able to cope, or does he still think he was right?

dreamingbohemian · 12/04/2013 12:54

Your husband is a twat.

You should definitely tell your counsellor next week what happened -- it's important. I also have a feeling his behaviour contributes a lot to your PND.

Yes gastro is disgusting, dealing with it on your own is no fun, but there's no way I would interrupt a counselling session over it! What the hell kind of doctor is he?