please help me make sense of my marriage.

[ISeeBeforeMe]

Hi

For the last couple of nights my husband has been really moody with me because I haven't wanted to have sex. He stormed around the flat in the night and then huffed off to work.

I suddenly feel like I have just woken up. Like unless I act in a certain way, he will be mad at me, and that I have just done certain things so that he will be happy.

i feel really sad. I left uni when i married and have no access to money, except grocery money.

I just feel so low, like there is nothing I can do.

Well done - keep going. You've escaped from a shitty situation and sooner or later things will start to look up. We believe in you.

thanks. I did an amazing thing and I am an amazing person.

I lost you for a while there, You DID AN AMAZING THING AND YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON. I s that any help!!

I've just seen this thread, and think you're doing so well. It's hard to be told you're so brave and courageous when you really feel so scared, but things will get better. Don't think of yourself as a victim, think of yourself as a survivor...you have done what you needed to do to survive and things will change.

You said the abuse you suffered was a lot severe than you previously stated - please get as much help as you need for dealing with the emotional trauma of this. I'm not sure how much counselling the shelter offers, but talking about it will help so much, even if it's incredibly painful. You most likely won't feel better straight away, so please don't feel like a failure if you aren't just suddenly 'happy' - putting hard work into trying to get over what happened will one day mean you will be free of anxiety and fear.

By the way, I think you're amazing doing all the running and activities! You're doing all the right things to start your new life, and it will work out. Good luck!

I lurk a lot on these threads as I'm training to be a counsellor - I try to glean wisdom from you ladies.

OP I am in awe of you. You took decisive action to re-make your life, and that's really brave. Don't expect too much of yourself - you're basically going through grief for the life you should have had but didn't. The trend of your life will be upwards from now, but it won't always be a straight line. You'll have good days and bad days, but more of the former than you ever had before.

And it's not too late. I had a child at 41 and started my therapy course to change my career at 47. The child is the best thing I ever did, and the course is great too.

Well done you. A complete stranger is very proud of you.

And another complete stranger is also very proud of you too! You have shown such strength - and you have your whole life ahead of you. One sandwich at a time, remember! Take all the emotional and practical support you can and you will soon look back to this time and be amazed at how far you have come.

Thanks so much for the supportive messages!

I suppose I do feel under pressure to suddenly be happy. So I am finding it hard that in a way I feel more emotional than when I was with ex. I guess in a lot of ways I have been numb for a long, long time, and now everything is coming to the surface. I think I need help, so I will see my support worker tomorrow and also go to the doctors again.

It is also strange having not much to do all day. I don't know whether to try and get a job to occupy myself, but then that might effect my housing benefits. It costs over £300 a week to stay in the shelter, and I couldn't cover that!

London feels like a scary place sometimes and I look at my lovely friends and they are all 'sorted' with careers and I just think, how am I going to do that??!

You could volunteer maybe in a charity shop or something? Or working less than 16 hours per week doesn't usually affect benefits. Worth checking on entitledto.com - minimum wage is around 6 per hour so calculate that for say 12 hours, 25 and 32 to see how it would affect things. Or perhaps you could look into retraining? What did you do at uni before?

How are you dong? How has your week been?

doing

Sorry but just need to correct you there yoni for the sake of the OP. working less than 16 hours does impact on benefit. Every £1 you earn is deducted from JSA bar the first £5.
You would still be entitled to HB but how much you get would depend on how much you earned.
For now OP, just concentrate on getting re homed and settled. Volunteering is a great way to get some experience but you need to meet your basic needs first before you can think about anything else.
Well done with everything you have achieved so far.