please help me make sense of my marriage.

[ISeeBeforeMe]

Hi

For the last couple of nights my husband has been really moody with me because I haven't wanted to have sex. He stormed around the flat in the night and then huffed off to work.

I suddenly feel like I have just woken up. Like unless I act in a certain way, he will be mad at me, and that I have just done certain things so that he will be happy.

i feel really sad. I left uni when i married and have no access to money, except grocery money.

I just feel so low, like there is nothing I can do.

um hi,

is anyone there? I don't really feel that good anymore.

I can't stop crying. I feel like everything is too scary, and I don't know what is going to happen.

why did i do this? It is too late in my life to start again completely from the beginning.

OP, hi there, Sunday evenings are an awful time to be at a loose end, just you and your thoughts. I used to miss my ex on a Sunday night, especially if I was on my own.

Can you organise a cosy night in with iplayer and chocolate for tonight, and perhaps text a few friends to arrange coffee/a walk in the park next week? Something to look forward to.

I've only just seen your thread and you come across as a strong, intelligent person with lots of possibilities in front of you

Hello lovely

This is the first time I've seen your thread. You sound amazing, you have done a hugely brave thing.

It's absolutely not too late to start again. It really isn't. It's okay to be scared too, you've come from a nasty situation and your emotions are coming back. I left my EA XH and it took me a while to get over the anxiety I felt. But it has been okay (and it was a long time ago - I left in 2001 at the age of 30). Be kind to yourself.

Can you speak with any of your RL friends?

Huge hugs to you xxx

Hi,

It's ok to cry you know. You've made a big change and it's ok to feel scared. But this is good change, even if it seems overwhelming right now. You dont have to start completely from the beginning, you already know that you are brave and strong. So that's an amazing start. Are you able to think of this not as starting again, but remaking. I know it's semantics, but sometimes that can do the trick. You have already enjoyed your little freedoms and each week will get easier.

And agreed there is something about Sundays that seems lonelier. Can you get into bed with a book and a brew or go and talk to somebody else in the house?

yes- I have real life friends, but they don't really understand how scared I am. They keep saying that I am brave and courageous but I have no life experience, no work experience, no family.

They are all high fliers with proper jobs or doing phds

Hope you feel better.You have a lot of life experience and you are brave things will take time.x

i just wish that I had walked away 10 years ago.

i was braver then than I am now.

weird.

:(

Big hugs lovely xx

thanks.

maybe if I cry for just one day I will be okay. x

This is one of the most inspiring threads I've ever read on Mumsnet!
And you one of the bravest ladies

Standing up to the abuse and bullying of your husband and starting a new beginning for YOURSELF - I guarantee you will give others the courage to do the same

You may struggle to find empathy in RL but you have the power of Mumsnet behind you now - and someone will always be here

Keep smiling - you deserve too!

Cry for one day and you'll soon get bored. I left my DH at the age of 51, married for 30 years together for 35. It was really hard. I am 18months ahead of you and have been busy all day with people I like and who like me. There are still times like sunday (or normally friday night for me) when I have a couple of tears and feel sorry for myself but it doesn't last long and much more laughter and less fear in my life now. Try taking in the msg that you friends are telling you about being strong. If you take tiny steps you will like me, wake up and realise that you are one of those successful people!! I don't work yet but am at college so I'm getting where I'm going. I promise you will get fed up of crying and want to make changes.xxxxxxxxxx

just turned the marathon on. Watch some of the inspiration stories on here and you can legitimately cry and nor feel guilty!!:)

ok. will do cjel.

I am on week 1 run 3 of couch to 5K. I could do that tomorrow.

YOu all put me to shame, I don't move at all hardly!! Haven't heard of that programme you are on?

its a free phone app.

at the moment I run for 60 seconds then walk for 90 (for 20 mins total) 5 min warm up, 5 min cool down.

Its actually quite fun.

See I have dd a ds who run cross country and marathons for fun, they tell me runnings fun too!!! But the ds was a marine as well!! Do yo go out and do it or are you still on the couch?

How are you feeling today OP?

hi!

to be honest I don't feel great at all. But I am trying to fake it 'til I make it. here is a list of what's going on this week to distract me and hopefully make me a better person.

Today: Run, washing on line, library. shops for some groceries.
Tues: run, Register at docs, dentist, go swimming.
Weds: Job Centre to hand in easement letter, DRAMA WORKSHOP! with WA, see friends for coffee
Thurs:Run, Budgeting workshop.
Fri: don't know yet

Hope it works

I had to change my mobile number again because of harassment, threats. :(

You are doing great!

Seriously: you're on week 1 of Couch to 5k, which to me just shows how active you are, how good you are at taking care of yourself (with exercise, distraction, something that's for yourself) when you are at your lowest ebb: that is a show great strength of spirit, OP.

Along with all the rest: drama workshop, concrete admin steps to take hold of your life, and - oh yeah! - leaving your abusive husband.

You can be very, very proud of yourself.

Changing your mobile number was exactly the right thing to do, by the way. Well done on protecting yourself there too.

How far did you get with your things on todays list? My Ds and his girlfriend came in earlier She took my new unused skipping rope and he left my laptop on the page for training for Olympic distance triathlon!! Where did I go wrong?

You will get through this and it's fine to cry.
I used to cry loads at the beginning of my split - I wasn't in an abusive relationship though.
I started again at 41 and am starting again now at 44.
I actually quite like being single.
I keep busy with an extra job (pub on a Sunday and sometimes a weekend evening). Keeps me away from the fridge!
It really will be OK. You've done soooo well.

Hi I see. I've been thinking of you - hope your week has gone ok.

hello

I have been gone for a while, and frankly things haven't been good. But I finally feel like I am moving upward from my slump, after the shock of actually leaving.

• Benefits have been a bit of a nightmare. Got a 'simple payment' card because I don't have a bank account, and it means that you essentially just go to a corner shop and they have a machine that gives you your money. Only a few shops in my area provide this service, so I ended up walking miles, and when you get there, they are HORRIBLE, and basically tell you they can't help. Took me ages to get some money. It's benefits day Mon, and I am dreading it. At the bank holiday, I broke down in the middle of the high street after basically being told to f-off by a shop keeper. I have however, applied for a basic bank acct with Halifax, and the online application accepted the shelter's PO Box address. So fingers crossed...

• I have Extreme anxiety, to the point where I can't sleep. i have nightmares. My relationship was much more physically violent than I wanted to let on when I started this thread. Also sexually abusive. I felt like I didn't want to live last week. :(

My friends have been FAB and talk, txt, me all the time, and arrange for me to come out, buy me dinner and drinks, and are very supportive. Sometimes my thoughts are exactly the same as when I was with my husband. I thought that my friend was making fun of me, because of an innocent remark, and it sent me sort of spiralling into feelings of fear and shame, that I had a panic attack.

-Well, that was last weekend, and I feel much better. Still doing my running, and I have a confidence building course, starting thurs. 6 weeks, run by solace women's aid, which is designed to stop the negative thought patterns I have been experiencing.

-Got a lovely top at the charity shop today too. so yay!