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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

please help me make sense of my marriage.

161 replies

ISeeBeforeMe · 10/04/2013 11:56

For the last couple of nights my husband has been really moody with me because I haven't wanted to have sex. He stormed around the flat in the night and then huffed off to work.

I suddenly feel like I have just woken up. Like unless I act in a certain way, he will be mad at me, and that I have just done certain things so that he will be happy.

i feel really sad. I left uni when i married and have no access to money, except grocery money.

I just feel so low, like there is nothing I can do.

OP posts:

cjel · 16/04/2013 12:52

Sorry you are feeling down. It will pass. Can you text people if you don't feel like talking. I always loved opening my texts in the morning and seeing the people who were thinking of me. Just a quick ' feeling low today how are you?' usually starts lovely responses to help carry me through or a 'feeling crap can't stop crying'!! Adrenalin is really really tiring. I was told the amount of it used in a panic attack is similar to running a marathon energy wise, so when you need rest days take them and then get up when you want and get on then. No shame in resting a tired body!!!

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 12:54

Thanks. I am really hungry so I am going to get up and wander around the high street a bit. See if that helps?

urgh! I have to make my own life and i am really scared.

OP posts:

cjel · 16/04/2013 12:55

But you are going to aren't you? already a morning in bed and you want to get up and live!!! Well done!!:)

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 12:59

:) thanks for cheering me in my quest to get a sandwich. Hehe.

OP posts:

YoniBottsBumgina · 16/04/2013 18:30

Try not to think of it as making a whole life. That sounds big and it sounds scary. You don't need to make a whole life at once. You want a sandwich? You only have to make a sandwich. And then maybe later, you will make a phone call to a friend. And during the phone call, you might make plans for tomorrow. One day at a time - one sandwich at a time. That's how you make a life. One day, it will be easier to think further ahead, but at the moment just think as far ahead as you feel comfortable doing, whether that's a day, a month, or even an hour.

YoniBottsBumgina · 16/04/2013 18:32

WRT money IME it takes ages for them to get it sorted but you can phone them to ask for progress and explain you've got absolutely no money to live on at the moment.

Are you having to pay much day to day to live at the refuge? You should be able to claim housing benefit to help with the rent there too. Ask them what happens if you run out of money.

cjel · 16/04/2013 18:49

Hope sandwich quest was successful?

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 19:31

yes- well sandwich turned into a backed potato. But lunch was had!

I also have plans with a friend for Thursday night-show and a drink. yay!
I send a couple of sos texts and ppl were v encouraging. Much like yourselves.

We have our first house meeting tomorrow. So I should be able to meet all the other residents. I have only heard them so far.

Other things:
Housing benefit claim is in. did that 1st day
Got a library card! took out some books.
called the local leisure centre to ask rates for ppl on jsa. Will have to wait for a letter. Until then jogging in the park.
Emailed some other friends with plans for days out and/or asking questions or help with specific things.

Still to do:
Tidy my room. Wipe stains off walls(eww) and put my things away.
cup o tea
iplayer or itv player for corrie.

Thanks for the push!

OP posts:

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 19:39

baked potato obviously.

and my lovely friend is paying for tickets and drinks

oh and tea comes with cream apple turnover. :)

OP posts:

YoniBottsBumgina · 16/04/2013 19:45

Oooh I love fresh cream apple turnovers! Can I come?

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 19:47

well, there are 2 in the box... x

OP posts:

cjel · 16/04/2013 19:55

I always find sos texts get results!! I am amazed at what you are getting done in such a short space of time. Jogging in the park:) stains on wall double eew:(

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 16/04/2013 19:59

me too. I can't believe that it has only been 5 days. I am in total shock.

my support worker did all the benefit claims straight away when I first got here, and I had a meeting with her yesterday and she has written me a support plan and there are classes i can go to on budgeting and counselling as well.

they seem v organized here. :)

OP posts:

beeny · 16/04/2013 21:20

So pleased for you.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 16/04/2013 21:21

This is a wonderful thread to read, ISee

You can be very proud of yourself.

McPie · 17/04/2013 11:25

This thread is such a joy to read, you asked for support and took all the advice given and you have a far better (all be it less possession filled) life than you did this time last week.
I bet you have seen and spoken to your friends more in the last 5 days than you did before. You are amazing and I wish you all the best in your new free life.

YoniBottsBumgina · 17/04/2013 11:58

I just wanted to say I saw your message on GB's thread and it touched me. You are very kind to be reaching out and helping others just a few days after leaving yourself.

spooktrain · 17/04/2013 14:10

I salute you OP. You are FAB. Here are some virtual for your room

cjel · 17/04/2013 15:35

Have you had your house meeting yet?

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 17/04/2013 16:08

yes the house meeting went ahead and was fine. We all just finished a big clear up. I did hoovering and cleaned the bathroom, and wiped the scribble of the wall in the landing. It was fun but hot! and the other ladies talked to me. They are really nice. Two of them have very little children- and it makes me want to keep out of the way sometimes. The kitchen can get really busy.

I have filled my shelf of the fridge with: strawberries, grapes, blueberries, mango, papaya, posh strawberry jam, bread and butter, and soya milk (lasts longer than ordinary). Lots of cheap fruit & veg places here. I also have porridge.

I also put a wash in the machine and hung it out. I was a bit scared to use it for some reason.

worker wrote me a letter for easment, so i don't have to look for a job straight away.

That's it so far. :)

OP posts:

cjel · 17/04/2013 16:30

glad it went well and you feel bit more included. You r shelf sounds like all the stuff I would let rot in the bottom of my fridge!! Hope you enjoy it allxx

Original poster

ISeeBeforeMe · 17/04/2013 16:35

haha- I just bung all the fruits in porridge. I tend to eat breakfast foods all day. (lazy)

off for a walk in the sun now. x

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 17/04/2013 16:56

I also just wanted to say that this brought a tear to my eye.
You have been so brave and inspiring!
I with with all my heart that you have a lovely new life and get everything you want! You certainly deserve it!
Seriously well done - you are one amazing lady!!!

cjel · 19/04/2013 14:44

How you doing today?

zadie78 · 19/04/2013 17:11

Just wanted to say that I've just read this thread, and think you've shown amazing courage. Wishing you all the best.

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