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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Was it going too far?

195 replies

Last saturday me and my partner took the kids (two boys aged 5 and 7) out to a museum.

Half way around DP announces that he needs the toilet, I told him it was on the way out so he tries rushing us around the museum and then says "I really need to go now, where is it?" so I told him and he runs off to use it.

Me and the boys continue walking around the museum and arrive at the toilets around 5 minutes later, DP is still in there. We have another walk around the Egyptian gallery and then make our way back to the toilets about 10 minutes later...DP is STILL in there. We wait around the toilets for another 10 minutes, the kids are getting bored and starting to play up...DP is still in there...

After a while the boys start knocking on the door telling him to hurry up, he ignores them...my youngest then tries the handle to make sure he is actually in there and DP tells him to get away....10 minutes later the boys start saying things to him through the door such as "hope you're not making it stink" and "other people need to use the toilet you know..." and then they make a little song that went "Daves on the toilet for hours and hours, he makes it smell, he makes it pong..." etc!

I let them carry on because:

a) I was annoyed with DP for spending so long on the toilet everytime he goes.
b) I was annoyed with DP for eating so much crap meaning he would be stuck on the toilet for ages
c) I was annoyed because the boys were playing up (before they started tormenting DP!) and I always seem to be stuck looking daft
d) I was bored! we'd been stood there waiting for over half an hour and couldnt go anywhere else without him.
e) I felt he'd spoilt the museum trip.

When DP came out he was furious and said that the boys had embarrassed him acting up like that in a public place...was I in the wrong?

OP posts:

mrsDef · 21/05/2006 15:43

poor guy i feel sorry for him-i was a female on the recieving end of a relationship like that and it wasnt very nice-poor man i hope he sees sense and leaves you!

SarahSparkles · 21/05/2006 16:06

OMG she's a nutter! Thats all I can think of to say!

Rocklover · 21/05/2006 20:22

I agree with whomever said this could be a troll post, sorry if it's not CR, but you have some very serious issues. I feel that you should leave your DH as you are bullying him, he must have no self esteem if he is staying with you and the fact is you are showing your children how to bully, how long before they start punching people in the stomach at school because Mummy thinks it is alright? I seriously think you should get off this board and get help as you clearly don't have enough love or empathy for your DH to be in this or any relationship at the moment. You say none of us have ever been in your situation, but you obviously have no idea what it is like to be ill at all, I pity your kids if this ever happens to them.

rickman · 21/05/2006 22:15

Blimey this has all turned a bit wierd since the first post. How strange!

Tortington · 21/05/2006 22:48

i dont think its a troll. i think its a frustrated mumsnetter in a failing relationship.

your behaviour towards your partner is wrong . you know that. you cannot limit his toilet time. he is not a child - in fact you woulnt do that to a child!

if he has bowel problems he need to go to the doctor - this is something a sympathetic partner would have suggested by now.

he may have serious bowel problems.

if his shit stinks its becuase of what he eats or drinks. he may also need to see a dietician.

dont stay with him becuase you have obviously no love for this man. and the behaviour you are showing shouldnot be passed on to your own children as the norm.

we all deserve respect. unless we prove otherwise. - like this thread for instance - no one has respect for your posts becuase you have come accross as a vvery disrespectful person. disrespectful of someones feelings and even a possible medical condition.

do not teach your children this horrible behaviour of yours. do not undermine this man in front of your children. you are not only doing yourself a disservie by turning into a bitter horrible dark person but you are showing your children this horrible side too. therefore not being a good mum either.

please leave him. it sounds like he deserves better and maybe you will become a better person in his absence

quanglewangle · 21/05/2006 23:32

Well, that may be right. On the other hand she may have been driven to desperate measures because he refuses to believe that anything is wrong/unusual/unpleasant. Not exactly unusual male behaviour. Except when they have man-flu of course.

alexsmum · 21/05/2006 23:54

don't feed the troll everyone.this is copyright's only post. i reckon she is a 15 year old boy sitting in his room, who should be revising for his exams.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 22/05/2006 00:26

yes I think you were in the wrong. He presumably didn;t want to spend 30 mins in there himself. something is not quite right and he needs to sort out his diet and/or see a doc, but I think you were unfair (off to reas the 180 -odd posts this has generated, wonder what everyone esle has said)

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 22/05/2006 00:40

not sure if this is a troll or not - but if it is why not feed it? it's a very funny troll . Funny up until the bathroom restrictions, not so sure about the wanting to rip up all his things and leave him. Copyright if you are for real I recommend having a good look at Custardo's post. I have a degree of sympathy for what you are faced with but none at all for the way in which you handling it. he needs sympathy and a doctor.

alexsmum · 22/05/2006 00:43

the womanwho-not sure why bullying and physical abuse is funny.

SSSandy · 22/05/2006 12:53

If this is for real????

How are you going to feel if you discover one day that the father of your children had cancer of the bowel, stomach, intestines or liver which caused him to suffer from indigestion, stomach pain and the other effects you've described? Are you going to feel good about yourself and the way you dealt with it? What behaviour would you expect or hope for from him under similar circumstances? For all you know, he may well have seen a doctor and may well know what it is causing his problem.

I can fully understand how trying it is to deal with the extended toilet trips and the stink on a daily basis. No one is claiming that it is enjoyable but I can't help feeling there is a very serious reason for such drastic conditions and that's why I think you should think carefully before you act now. How long has it been this way?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 22/05/2006 19:32

I didn't say it was

anniemac · 23/05/2006 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtochloe · 23/05/2006 12:32

If you are not a troll then you are one sad pathetic vindictive woman with no life. What was it about this man that you found attractive in the first place? Why can't you consider his good points rather than concentrating on the poor blokes bowel habits.

Hope someone does the same to you one day - you deserve it

SleepyJess · 23/05/2006 12:41

I don't find abuse amusing.. but sorry if this offends.. there have been parts of this thread that have had me laughing so hard that tears were dripping into the keyboard!

I don't think this is a serious thread tbh. The most recent of copywrite's response are not consistant with the original.. she is going for shock value now just to see what will happen. i doubt she would really behave that way.. and I doubt many men would put up with it anyway.. which makes it far more likely, considering it reasonably, that this is a joke. I hope so.

But oh God.. some of your responses were funny... ejector seat..... ...

Rocklover · 23/05/2006 13:16

Judging from CR's silence I presume she knows she's been caught out. I am actually hoping she is a troll otherwise her DH could be in serious physical danger. If CR is real she is scary. :(

HappyMumof2 · 23/05/2006 14:21

I think she's gone. Is BMC up and running now then??

Thaigal · 16/09/2006 17:53

bump

innapropriate · 01/01/2009 19:18

My husband used to do this all time whenever he wanted to control the situation. If he knew we were in a rush, if people were here he didn't like, in the middle of a movie etc. I think it is a way of being passive aggressive. They know you can't tell them off for shitting but they still get to control.

Littlefish · 01/01/2009 19:43

This thread is 2 years old.

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